The Long Trick

E-text prepared by Al Haines
Transcriber's note:
Bartimeus is the pseudonym of Captain Lewis Anselm da Costa Ritchie, R.N.
Author of A Tall Ship, Naval Occasions, etc.
Much of what you have done, as far as the public eye is concerned, may almost be said to have been done in the twilight. — Extract from address delivered by the Prime Minister on board the Fleet Flagship, Aug. , 1915.
Cassell and Company, Ltd London, New York, Toronto and Melbourne
First Published. October 1917. Reprinted (Twice) October 1917, November 1917.
TO one CHUNKS Who, in moments of frenzy, is called HUNKS and answers readily to TUNKS, TINKS or TONKS, This Book is INSCRIBED
This is the first opportunity I have had of answering your letter, although I am hardly to blame since you chose to write anonymously and leave me with no better clue to your address than the Tunbridge Wells postmark.
Fee! Fi! Fo! Fum! I am sorry about Torps, though. I admit his death was a mistake, and I fancy my Publisher thought so too: but we cannot very well bring him to life again, like Sherlock Holmes. So please cheer up, and remember that there are just as many fine fellows in the ink-pot as ever came out of it.
I have borne in mind the final paragraph of your letter, which said, We do beseech you not to kill the India-rubber Man. In fact, I originally meant him to be the hero of this book. But as the book progressed I found the melancholy conviction growing on me that the India-rubber Man had become infernally dull. A pair of cynical bachelors like you will, I know, attribute this to marriage and poor Betty. For my part I am inclined to put it down to advancing years.
I have just finished the book, and, turning over the pages, found myself wondering how you will like it. It has been written in so many different moods and places and noises and temperatures that the general effect is rather patchwork. But, after all, it was written chiefly for the amusement of two people, and (as I believe all story-books ought to be written) out of some curiosity on the Author's part to know what happened next.