Perfect Behavior: A Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in All Social Crises
Those who are not self-possessed obtrude and pain us.—EMERSON A parody outline of etiquette by the Author of “A Parody Outline of History” The perfect gentleman is he who never unintentionally causes pain.—OLD PROVERB
TO THE BRIDEGROOM WHOSE WEDDING WAS RUINED BECAUSE THE BRIDE CAME DOWN THE AISLE ON THE RIGHT INSTEAD OF THE LEFT ARM OF HER FATHER With Deepest Sympathy
Courtship is one of the oldest of social customs, even antedating in some countries such long-established usages as marriage, or the wearing of white neckties with full evening dress. The beginnings of the etiquette of courtship were apparently connected in some way with the custom of “love” between the sexes, and many of the old amatory forms still survive in the modern courtship. It is generally agreed among students of the history of etiquette that when “love” first began to become popular among the better class of younger people they took to it with such avidity that it was necessary to devise some sort of rules for the conduct of formal or informal love-making. These rules, together with various amendments, now constitute the etiquette of courtship.
Suppose, for example, that you are a young gentleman named Richard Roe desirous of entering upon a formal courtship with some refined young girl of fashion. You are also, being a college graduate, engaged in the bond business. One morning there comes into your financial institution a young lady, named Dorothy Doe, who at once attracts your attention by her genteel manners, as exemplified by the fact that she calls the president of your company “father.” So many young people seem to think it “smart” to refer to their parents as “dad” or “my old man”; you are certain, as soon as you hear her say “Hello, father” to your employer, that she is undoubtedly a worthy object of courtship.
Your first step should be, of course, the securing of an introduction. Introductions still play an important part in social intercourse, and many errors are often perpetrated by those ignorant of savoir faire (correct form). When introducing a young lady to a stranger for example, it is not au fait (correct form) to simply say, “Mr. Roe, I want you to shake hands with my friend Dorothy.” Under the rules of the beau monde (correct form) this would probably be done as follows: “Dorothy (or Miss Doe), shake hands with Mr. Roe.” Always give the name of the lady first, unless you are introducing some one to the President of the United States, the Archbishop of Canterbury, a member of the nobility above a baron, or a customer. The person who is being “introduced” then extends his (or her) right ungloved hand and says, “Shake.” You “shake,” saying at the same time, “It’s warm (cool) for November (May),” to which the other replies, “I’ll say it is.”
Donald Ogden Stewart
Perfect Behavior
Illustrated by Ralph Barton
A Guide for Ladies and Gentlemen in all Social Crises
Contents
CONTENTS
A FEW WORDS ABOUT LOVE
CORRECT INTRODUCTIONS; HOW TO MAKE THEM
CARDS AND FLOWERS
FLOWERS AND THEIR MESSAGE IN COURTSHIP
RECEIVING AN INVITATION TO CALL
THE ETIQUETTE OF TELEPHONING
MAKING THE FIRST CALL
CONVERSATION AND SOME OF ITS USES
A PROPER CALL
THE PROPOSAL PROPER
THE HISTORIC ASPECT
ANNOUNCING THE ENGAGEMENT
THE BRIDE-TO-BE
THE ENGAGEMENT LUNCHEON
SELECTING THE BRIDAL PARTY
INVITATIONS AND WEDDING PRESENTS
DUTIES OF THE BEST MAN
THE BRIDE’S TEA
THE MAID OF HONOR
THE BACHELOR DINNER AND AFTER
THE REHEARSAL
THE BRIDAL DINNER
A CHURCH WEDDING
HINTS FOR THE CORRECT PEDESTRIAN
TRAVELLING BY RAIL
GOOD FORM ON A STREET CAR
IN THE SUBWAY
A HONEYMOON IN A SUBWAY
TRAVELLING UNDER STEAM
A CORRECT NIGHT IN A PULLMAN
LISTENING TO A SYMPHONY ORCHESTRA
CORRECT BEHAVIOR AT A PIANO RECITAL
IN A BOX AT THE OPERA
SOME BROADER ASPECTS OF PROHIBITION
THE COLLEGE GRADUATE AS DRY AGENT
PLANNING A DRY RAID ON A MASQUERADE BALL
A WORD ABOUT CORRECT COSTUMES
GOOD FORM FOR DRY AGENTS DURING A RAID
SELECTING A PROPER SCHOOL
CORRECT EQUIPMENT FOR THE SCHOOLGIRL
EN ROUTE
A JOURNEY AROUND NEW YORK
THE FIRST DAYS IN THE NEW SCHOOL
BECOMING ACCLIMATIZED
A VISITOR FROM PRINCETON
GOLF AS A PASTIME
AN AFTERNOON AT THE OLD FARM WITH THE DICE
CORRECT BEHAVIOR ON A PICNIC
BOXING IN AMERICAN SOCIETY
BRIDGE WHIST
FORMAL AND INFORMAL DRINKING
A JOLLY HALLOWE’EN PARTY
INVITATIONS
RECEIVING THE GUESTS
HOW TO MYSTIFY
GAMES
CORRESPONDENCE
CORRESPONDENCE FOR YOUNG LADIES
COLLEGE BOYS
LETTERS TO PARENTS
A Correct Letter from a Young Lady in Boarding School to Her Parents
LETTERS FROM PARENTS
LETTERS TO PROSPECTIVE FATHERS-IN-LAW
A Correct Letter to a Prospective Father-in-Law Who Is a Business Man
LOVE LETTERS
A Correct Letter from a Young Man Traveling in Europe to His Fiancée
CORRESPONDENCE OF PUBLIC OFFICIALS
A Correct “Public Letter” from a Congressman
A Correct Private Letter of a Congressman
LETTERS TO NEWSPAPERS, MAGAZINES, ETC.
A Correct Letter from an Indignant Father to an Editor of Low Ideals
LETTERS TO STRANGERS
A CORRECT LETTER TO A FRENCH VISITOR
A CORRECT LETTER TO A BEARDED LADY
INVITATIONS
ACCEPTANCES AND REGRETS
FORMAL DINNERS IN AMERICA
TABLE MANNERS FOR CHILDREN
A CHILD’S GARDEN OF ETIQUETTE
ETIQUETTE IN THE SCHOOL
CONVERSATION AT DINNER
STEWART’S LIGHTNING CALCULATOR OF DINNER TABLE CONVERSATION
BALLS AND DANCES
MIXED DANCING
HINTS FOR STAGS