Combed Out

THE SWARTHMORE PRESS Ltd. 72, OXFORD STREET, LONDON, W.1.
1920
The silent, colossal National Lie that is the support and confederate of all the tyrannies and shams and inequalities and unfairnesses that affect the peoples—that is the one to throw bricks and sermons at. (Mark Twain).
Our Sergeant looked at us contemptuously and we looked anxiously back at him. Then he gave his first instructions:
Now I'm goin' ter show yer 'ow ter do squad drill. It's quite heasy—yer've only got ter use a bit o' common sense an' do hexac'ly as I tell yer. Now we'll start wi' the turns. When I gives the order Right Turn, yer turn ter yer right on yer right 'eel an' yer left toe. When I gives the order Left Turn, yer turn on yer left 'eel an' yer right toe. Now just 'ave a try an' see if yer can do it.—Squad!—now when I shouts Squad it's a word o' warnin', an' it means I want yer ter be ready ter go through yer evverlutions. Now then, yer s'posed ter be standin' to attention. That's not the way ter stand to attention—yer want ter use some common sense—when yer stand to attention, yer stand wi' yer chest out, yer stomach in, yer 'eads erect an' facin' to yer front, yer shoulders straight, an' yer 'ands 'angin' down by yer sides wi' yer thumbs along the seams o' yer trousers. Now then, Squad! Stand at Ease!... When I gives the order Stand at Ease, yer places yer feet about eighteen inches apart an' yer clasps yer 'ands be'ind yer backs, yer right 'and inside yer left, but yer mustn't look round or talk until I shouts Stand Easy! Now then, Stand at Ease!
We obeyed the command with fair smartness, only a few stood awkwardly, not quite knowing what to do with their hands or doubtful whether their feet were really eighteen inches apart.
Recruits.
That ain't so bad for a first shot, said the Sergeant, to our great relief. Now, remember what I told yer about standin' to attention—when I gives the order Tshn! yer all springs smartly to attention. Now then, Squad—Tshn!... No, no, I wants it done smarter'n that. Stand at Ease! Now then, try agin: Tshn!—No, no, that ain't 'alf smart enough. Try agin. Stand at Ease!—Tshn! That's a bit better, it wants a lot o' improvin' though. Still, yer only a lot o' rookeys an' yer can't learn everythink all at once. Now we'll 'ave a bit of a change an' try the turns.