The Connoisseur
He said I was the biggest knuckle-head he ever saw, but I didn't trust him. Sooner or later I knew he'd insult me!
It is infinitely more satisfactory to purchase wives when they are young. They are vastly more respectful.
Twelve is a good purchasing age. Lisa was twelve when I bargained for her, and she is an illustrious argument for the system.
I recall her excellent father and I facing each other across his gleaming synthol marble table that day. On the table were small metal shells of sweet liquor. And beside the shells were the sedulously gathered treasures I was formally offering for Lisa: A control knob, and a folded painting of one of our Navigator's other-ship visions.
Lisa's father eagerly examined the mirror-bright, chrome surface of the control knob—which I had handed to him with a pretense of casualness—trying to still the trembling of his fingers.
The last knob on the control board! he said in an emotion-cracked voice. How could you have broken it off? We've all been tugging at it for years.
I answered—I hope with no more than legitimate pride— I managed to get a thin hacksaw blade between the knob and the control board. Then I sawed off the shaft.
He nodded approvingly. With knuckle-headed men like you aboard ship we will certainly all go to Hell .
I bowed, but I did not let his flattery relax my caution. After all, we were bargaining for his prettiest daughter. What flattering words bear weight in the midst of a sale? He, of course, referred to the ringing sincerity of our Navigator's dying words: If you knuckle-heads all want to go to Hell , just keep dismantling the ship!
Swinging adroitly to my other item of barter, I mused aloud, Our Navigator! What a strange, frantic creature he was. Full of the wild, lovely visions which effervesced from his books of fantasy. Imploring us not only to read the books but to believe them—and, failing that, drawing immortal paintings of the fantasies for us to see.
Therewith I opened the folded painting and handed it reverently to him. It showed a large globular ship with people living on the outside of it. The title of the painting was Planet .