The Foolish Dictionary / An exhausting work of reference to un-certain English words, their origin, meaning, legitimate and illegitimate use, confused by a few pictures [not included]
Transcriber's Note:
Inconsistent hyphenation in the original document has been preserved.
This book was not paginated in the original.
GIDEON WURDZ.
In this age of the arduous pursuit of peace, prosperity and pleasure, the smallest contribution to the gaiety, if not to the wisdom, of nations can scarcely be unwelcome. With this in mind, the author has prepared The Foolish Dictionary, not in serious emulation of the worthier—and wordier—works of Webster and Worcester, but rather in the playful spirit of the parodist, who would gladly direct the faint rays from his flickering candle of fun to the shrine of their great memories.
With half a million English words to choose from, modesty has been the watchword, and the author has confined himself to the treatment of only about half a thousand. How wise, flippant, sober or stupid, this treatment has been, it is for the reader alone to judge. However, if from epigram, derivative or pure absurdity, there be born a single laugh between the lids, the laborer will accredit himself worthy of his hire.
In further explanation it should be said that some slight deference has been made to other wits, and the definitions include a few quotations from the great minds of the past and present. As for the rest, the jury will please acknowledge a plea of guilty from
Gideon Wurdz.
ABSINTHE From two Latin words, ad , and sinistrum , meaning to the bad. If in doubt, try one. (Old adage, Absinthe makes the jag last longer).
ABSTINENCE
From the Persian ab , water, and stein , or tankard. Hence, water-tankard, or water wagon.
Gideon Wurdz
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A FEW PICTURES
GIDEON WURDZ
"A Fool may give a Wise Man counsel."
ABBREVIATIONS.
It's a long lane that has no ashbarrel.
Distilled waters run deep.
Fine feathers make fine feather-beds.
A stitch in time saves embarrassing exposure.
People who live in glass houses should dress in the dark.
Don't put all your eggs in one basket—try an incubator.
All work and no play makes Jack A Dead One.
A word to the wise is useless.
It's never too late to spend.
A bird on the plate is worth two on the bonnet.
As ye sew, so shall ye rip.
There's many a slip twixt the toe and the heel.
Where there's a will there's a lawsuit.
Home is where the mortgage is.
Lies have no legs—That's why we all have to stand for them.
A chip of the old block—A daughter of the Tenderloin.
One man's meat is another man's finish—Canned Beef in Cuba.
Laugh-in-one's-sleeve—The direct route to the Funny-Bone.
Two heads are better than one—particularly on a Barrel of Money.
Hell is paved with good intentions—also asbestos.
All gone to 6's and 7's—Ladies' Footwear in Chicago.
Time and tide wait for no man—But time always stands still for a woman of thirty.
Out of the frying-pan into the face—Mothers' doughnuts.
Many hands make light work—also a good Jackpot.
Handsome is what hansoms charge.
Soap, long deferred, maketh the dirt stick.
Charity begins at home—but ends when you reach The Cook.
Faint heart never won fair lady—but a full purse can always pull the trick.
Man proposes, then woman imposes.
Beggars should never be choosers—though the beggar often chews what he begs.
A miss is as good as her smile.
Fortune knocks only once at a man's door—And she's the worst Knocker in the world.
Brevity is the soul of wit—and the sole charm of of a bicycle skirt.
It's a wise son who can get two birds with One Bone.
There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads on to Fortune—But most of us catch our watered stock on the ebb.
A rolling stone gathers no moss—except at roulette.
But a stony roll always gathers the stony stare.
It's the first straw hat which shows how the wind blows.
