The McNaughtens

Produced by Dagny and Frank J. Morlock
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A play based on the Menechemes of Regnard
Translated and adapted by F. J. Morlock C 1986 by F. J. Morlock
McNaughten Captain McNaughten Mr. Hastings, Flavella's father Flavella, his daughter Urania, Hastings' older sister Jenny, Urania's maid Spruce, the Captain's valet Mr. Torrington, a solicitor Squire Mr. Bronlow, a merchant
Captain I am quite beside myself. A curse on Spruce! I think he was born for the sole purpose of enraging me. I am not going to put up with him any longer. The scoundrel always tries my patience to the limits. He knows very well that I am waiting for him on tenterhooks— But now I see him coming. Where have you been, rogue? Tell me.
(Spruce enters, carrying a heavy trunk which he first puts down and then sits on, without responding to the Captain.)
Captain Speak, reply!
Spruce For the moment, sir, I have nothing to say. Let me get my breath a moment, please—I'm totally winded.
Captain Do you always intend to put me in a fury and then play with me? I don't know what prevents me from giving you a beating. What, you rogue, just to go off to the custom house to get my trunk, takes you all day?
Spruce Oh, sir, customs inspectors are terrible men. All the savages in the world are less barbarous. They can only talk in monosyllables. yes, no, what, sir? I have no time. But, sir— Would you kindly open up— They need maybe a hundred words in their vocabulary. They give me a headache. Finally, when you need them for something, they're more proud and stuck up than an archbishop.