The Water Ghost and Others

Produced by Eric Eldred, Beth Trapaga and the Online
Distributed Proofreading Team
John Kendrick Bangs
To Francis Sedgwick Bangs
'WELCOME TO BANGLETOP' A DEPARTING COOK THE BARON'S BREAKFAST WAS NOT PAY-DAY TERWILLIGER TO THE RESCUE COOK! HE WHISPERED THE PRESENCE HAD ASSUMED SHAPE 'NO TALKERS,' RETORTED THE GHOST THEY SHOOK HANDS AND PARTED THE H'EARL, OF MUGLEY 'TO ARIADNE, OF COURSE' A DUKE IS A DUKE THE WORLD OVER BACK TO THE SPIRIT VALE MARTYRS' NIGHT DO YOU HEAR THAT BOLT SLIDE? THE VISITOR ARRIVES I LOOKED UPON MY REFLECTION IN THE GLASS THE RED TIE NOT A CARD FELL 'GRAB HOLD OF ME, BOYS' I MUST HAVE FAINTED THE MIND-READING FEATS ON THE CLUB'S BUTLER 5010 PEGGING SHOES LIKE A GENTLEMAN 5010 BECOMES EXCITED NO LESS A PERSON THAN HAWLEY HICKS 'JUST WATCH ME' NOAH AND DAVY CROCKETT SOLOMON AND DOCTOR JOHNSON MOZART TRIES HIS HAND AT THE BANJO WAITING FOR THE CRITICS NAPOLEON BONAPARTE AND THE DUKE OF WELLINGTON THE GIFT OF THE SPOONS 'LET ME SHAAK DTHOT HAND' HE WAS IN AN UNUSUALLY EXUBERANT MOOD ON A SPIRIT SHIP MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THE REALITY GIUSEPPE ZOCCO BUT FINALLY I OPENED THE BOX GAZING INTO THE FIRE WAS TOM BRAGDON 'YOU GOIN' TO KEEP A DIARY?'
The trouble with Harrowby Hall was that it was haunted, and, what was worse, the ghost did not content itself with merely appearing at the bedside of the afflicted person who saw it, but persisted in remaining there for one mortal hour before it would disappear.
It never appeared except on Christmas Eve, and then as the clock was striking twelve, in which respect alone was it lacking in that originality which in these days is a sine qua non of success in spectral life. The owners of Harrowby Hall had done their utmost to rid themselves of the damp and dewy lady who rose up out of the best bedroom floor at midnight, but without avail. They had tried stopping the clock, so that the ghost would not know when it was midnight; but she made her appearance just the same, with that fearful miasmatic personality of hers, and there she would stand until everything about her was thoroughly saturated.