Josh Billings' Farmer's Allminax, 1870-1879

Copyright, 1870, 1871, 1872, 1873, 1874, 1875, 1876, 1877, 1878, 1879, by G. W. CARLETON & CO.
Copyright, 1902, by WM. H. DUFF
ADMINISTRATOR ESTATE OF HENRY W. SHAW
JOSH BILLINGS' FARMER'S ALLMINAX
Tew kno exackly whare the sighn iz, multiply the day ov the month bi the sighn, then find a dividend that will go into a divider four times without enny remains, subtrakt this from the sighn, add the fust quoshunt tew the last divider, then multiply the whole ov the man's boddy bi all the sighns, and the result will be jist what yu are looking after.
Amazi begot Hezaki, Hezaki begot Eldad, Eldad begot Behomath, Behomath begot Zepheniah ( Zepheniah waz a conumdrum maker, sum ov which hav been handed down down ), Zepheniah begot Ezekiel, Ezekiel begot Issacher ( Issaker waz a bad speller, which haz bin handed down too ), Issaker begot Nehemiah, Nehemiah begot Methuseler, Methuseler begot Nabob ( Nabob waz a snob ), Nabob begot Jerrymiah, and Jerrymiah begot Absolum Billings ( who is admitted bi every boddy who remembers him tew be the most humblyest looking man in the 9th Century ). Absolum begot Josh, and so they kept bizzy begotting.
After the Billings family once struck the front name, Josh , they clung tew it. I find over 6 hundred ov that name extant, besides a grate menny who haz bekum extanted.
The Billings hav bin a helthy old breed az fur back az i have dug for them, which they owe principally tew a milk diet. It iz sed that Behomath Billings, one ov our pristines, could drean a cow perfektly dry at one sitting. If this iz so, it helps explain the great amount ov milk in the Billings natur.
I dont find enny old bachelors, nor old maids, amung our ansesstors, inkrease and multiply haz alwus bin the battle cry of the Billings.
We seldum notis the current Amerikan literature ov the day, but the Billings Allminax, soon tew be issued by Carleton, is a work for the mothers of the Amerikan Union. — London Times, June 6th, 1869.