Nothing to Eat
CONTENTS
ILLUSTRATIONS. (not available in this edition)
PLATE I, NOTHING TO EAT PLATE II, THE “DINING SALOON” PLATE III, THE INVITATION TO DINNER PLATE IV, KITTY MALONE'S INHERITANCE PLATE V, THE MEAT MARKET PLATE VI, THE DINNER PLATE VII, THE WATER CURE PLATE VIII, AFTER DINNER
THOUGH famine prevails not at all in the city; Though none of starvation have died in the street; Yet many there are now exciting our pity, Who're daily complaining of nothing to eat. The every-day cry and the every-day fare, That's every day heard where the Livewells are dining, Is nothing to eat, or else nothing to wear, Which naked and starving rich Merdles are whining. There's Kitty Malone—Mrs. Merdle 'tis now— Was ever on earth here before such a sinner; Protesting, excusing and swearing a vow, She'd nothing worth eating to give us for dinner. Why Kitty, if starving for want of a meal, And had'nt a cent in the world to buy meat, You wouldn't exclaim with a more pious zeal, “I'm dying of hunger—we've nothing to eat!!”
The point I advance, if it need confirmation, I'll prove by a witness that few will dispute, A pink of perfection and truth in the naion Where fashion and folly are all of a suit. 'Tis “Merdle the banker”—or rather his wife, Whose fashion, religion, or music, or dress, Is followed, consulted, by many through life, As pilots are followed by ships in distress; For money's a pilot, a master, a king, Which men follow blindly through quicksands and shoals, Where pilots their ships in a moment might fling To destruction the vessel and cargo and souls. 'Twas money made Kitty of fashion the queen, And fortune oft lends queens the scepter; So fortune and fashion with this one we've seen Her money and fortune in fashion has kept her; While slaves of the queen with her hoops rules the day, Expanding their utmost extent of expansion, And mandates of fashion most freely obey, And would if it bid all their souls to extinction.
But what “lady patron” as queen holds the sway; Or sweeping, whose hoops in the street are most sweeping; The burthen is not of this truth-telling lay, That should in its reading the world set to weeping, While telling the suff'rings from head to the feet, Of poor human beings with nothing to eat .
Jr. Horatio Alger
Thomas Chandler Haliburton
NOTHING TO EAT
NOT By the Author of “Nothing to Wear”
“I'll nibble a little at what I have got.”
NOTHING TO EAT.
Not by the Author of “Nothing to Wear.”
The Argument
The Proof—the Queen of Fashion
The Object aimed at.
What another Poet did.
How the Author sometimes Dines.
Merdle the Banker.
Places Where Mortals Dine.
Things That Mortals Eat There.
The Invitation.
The Merdle Origin.
Mrs. Merdle At Home.
Mrs. Merdle goes to Market.
The Dinner-bell Rings.
The Dinner Table Talk.
Mrs. Merdle doubts Paradise's Uneating Pleasure.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Earthly.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Things Eatable.
Mrs. Merdle Ordereth the Second Course.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Hygiene and Fish Sauce.
Mrs. Merdle Describeth her Doctor.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth again on Dinner.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Wishes and her Sufferings.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of Pudding.
Mrs. Merdle Discourseth of the necessity of good Wine and other Matters.
The Poet Moralizeth—He Discourseth to those who Gorge and Complain.
He Discourseth of the Wherefore of Bachelorism.
He Discourseth of What some Mortals Live for.
He Imploreth Merry for other Unfortunate Beings.
He Discourseth of a Common Prayer.
He Discourseth of Trouble and Sorrow.
He Moralizeth upon what a Day may Bring forth.