Signora Fantastici (A Dramatic Proverb)

Produced by Dagny and Frank J. Morlock
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BY MADAME DE STAEL (1811)
Translated and adapted by F. J. Morlock
CHARACTERS: Mr. De Kriegschenmahl, former Swiss officer Mrs. De Kriegschenmahl, his wife Licidas Rodolphe Signora Fantastici Zepherina, her daughter A Commissioner who stutters
The action takes place in a town in the German parts of Switzerland.
NOTE: MR. de Kriegschenmahl and Rodolphe are played with a German accent. Madame de Kriegschenmahl has an English accent.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: My friend, if you could stop smoking that pipe you would please me greatly, in truth, greatly. It spoils the odor of the tea. The smoke soils my white dress. In truth, it's quite disagreeable.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: What do you want, my wife? Each country has its customs. In England you drink warm water all day. It's tasteless, it's insipid! The pipe is more military; it reminds me of my youth. I've been married to you for twenty-five years, Madame de Kriegschenmahl. Can't you get used to me?
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: For twenty five years your customs have revolted me.
MR. DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: For twenty-five yeas your prudery has annoyed me.
MADAME DE KRIEGSCHENMAHL: That's really polite.