The Romance of Mathematics / Being the Original Researches of a Lady Professor of Girtham College in Polemical Science, with some Account of the Social Properties of a Conic; Equations to Brain Waves; Social Forces; and the Laws of Political Motion.

The lectures, essays, and other matter contained in these pages have been discovered recently in a well-worn desk which was formerly the property of a Lady Professor of Girtham College; and as they contain some original thoughts and investigations, they have been considered worthy of publication.
Internal evidence seems to show that the earlier portion of the MS. was written during the period when the authoress was still in statu pupillari ; but her learning was soon recognised by the Collegiate Authorities, and she was speedily elected to a Professorship. Her lectures were principally devoted to the abstruse subject of Scientific Politics, and are worthy of the attention of all those whose high duty it is to regulate the affairs of the State.
Here is a fair example of the ingenuity of the hard-hearted examiners, who resemble the inquisitors presiding over the tortures of the rack, and giving the hateful machine just one turn more by way of bestowing a parting benediction on their miserable victims:
where 2 a is the length of the axis of the cycloid.’
A sweet pretty problem, truly! And there are hundreds of the same kind—birch-rods for every back! How the examiner must have rejoiced when he invented this diabolical rod, with its equilibrium, its oscillations, its cycloid, and other tormenting accessories. And yet, I suppose, before my days of studentship are over, I shall be called upon to attack some such impregnable fortresses of mathematics, when I hope to be declared equal to some twentieth wrangler, if I escape the misfortune of sharing a portion of the ‘wooden spoon.’
Now, look me straight in the face (no shirking, sir!). Is it not jealousy—green-eyed, false-tongued jealousy—which saps your generous instincts, and makes you talk rubbish and nonsense about strains, and brains, and ambition, and the like? And if that is not hypocritical, I do not know what is.
Well, good-day to you, male sycophant! I really have not time to indulge myself in scolding you any more. You are a good creature, no doubt; and when you have shown us what you can do, and can estimate the capacity of the female brain, and take a common-sense view of things, we will recognise your privilege to speak; and when I am the presiding genius of Girtham College, I will grant you the use of our hall for the purpose of lecturing to us on ‘Women’s Rights,’ or, as you may prefer to entitle your discourse, ‘Men’s Wrongs.’