Jack the Giant Killer

CONTENTS

I sing the deeds of famous Jack, The doughty Giant Killer hight; How he did various monsters whack, And so became a gallant knight.
In Arthur's days of splendid fun (His Queen was Guenever the Pliant),— Ere Britain's sorrows had begun; When every cave contained its giant;
When griffins fierce as bats were rife; And till a knight had slain his dragon, At trifling risk of limbs and life, He did n't think he'd much to brag on;
When wizards o'er the welkin flew; Ere science had devised balloon; And 'twas a common thing to view A fairy ballet by the moon;—
Our hero played his valiant pranks; Earned loads of kudos, vulgô glory, A lady, tin, and lots of thanks;— Relate, oh Muse! his wondrous story.

A Giant was, I should premise, A hulking lout of monstrous size; He mostly stood—I know you 'll laugh— About as high as a giraffe. His waist was some three yards in girth: When he walked he shook the earth. His eyes were of the class called goggle, Fitter for the scowl than ogle. His mouth, decidedly carnivorous, Like a shark's,—the Saints deliver us! He yawned like a huge sarcophagus, For he was an Anthropophagus,
And his tusks were huge and craggy; His hair, and his brows, and his beard, were shaggy.
I ween on the whole he was aught but a Cupid, And exceedingly fierce, and remarkably stupid;