Love Conquers All
Robert C. Benchley
Illustrated By
Gluyas Williams
Printed October, 1922
They look him over as if he were a fresh air child being given a day's outing.
The author thanks the editors of the following publications for their permission to print the articles in this book: Life, The New York World, The New York Tribune, The Detroit Athletic Club News, and The Consolidated Press Association.
Old scandals concerning the private life of Lord Byron have been revived with the recent publication of a collection of his letters. One of the big questions seems to be: Did Byron send Mary Shelley's letter to Mrs. R.B. Hoppner? Everyone seems greatly excited about it.
Lest future generations be thrown into turmoil over my correspondence after I am gone, I want right now to clear up the mystery which has puzzled literary circles for over thirty years. I need hardly add that I refer to what is known as the Benchley-Whittier Correspondence.
Robert Benchley
Love Conquers All
Acknowledgment
Contents
Illustrations
I.—THE BENCHLEY-WHITTIER CORRESPONDENCE
II—FAMILY LIFE IN AMERICA
PART 1
PART 2
PART 3
III—THIS CHILD KNOWS THE ANSWER—DO YOU?
The Well-Informed Children's Hour
IV—RULES AND SUGGESTIONS FOR WATCHING AUCTION BRIDGE
NUMBER WHO MAY WATCH
PRELIMINARIES
PROCEDURE
VI—HOW TO WATCH A CHESS-MATCH
HOW TO FIND A GAME TO WATCH
THE DETAILS OF THE GAME
VIII—HOW TO BE A SPECTATOR AT SPRING PLANTING
IX—THE MANHATTADOR
X—WHAT TO DO WHILE THE FAMILY IS AWAY
XII—DO INSECTS THINK?
XIII—THE SCORE IN THE STANDS
XIV—MID-WINTER SPORTS
XV—READING THE FUNNIES ALOUD
I—DIE MEISTER-GENOSSENSCHAFT
III—LUCY DE LIMA
XVII—THE YOUNG IDEA'S SHOOTING GALLERY
XIX—HOLT! WHO GOES THERE?
BATHING
CLOTHING
WEIGHT
FRESH AIR
DEVELOPMENT
FEEDING
XX—THE COMMITTEE ON THE WHOLE
XXI—NOTING AN INCREASE IN BIGAMY
XXII—THE REAL WIGLAF: MAN AND MONARCH
XXIII—FACING THE BOYS' CAMP PROBLEM
XXIV—ALL ABOUT THE SILESIAN PROBLEM
XXV—"HAPPY THE HOME WHERE BOOKS ARE FOUND"
XXVI—WHEN NOT IN ROME, WHY DO AS THE ROMANS DID?
XXVII—THE TOOTH, THE WHOLE TOOTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TOOTH
XXVIII—MALIGNANT MIRRORS
XXIX—THE POWER OF THE PRESS
XXX—HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
XXXI—HOW TO UNDERSTAND INTERNATIONAL FINANCE
XXXIII—WELCOME HOME—AND SHUT UP!
XXXV—THE TARIFF UNMASKED
Schedule B
Schedule C
Schedule D
XXXVI—"TAKE ALONG A BOOK"
XXXVII—CONFESSIONS OF A CHESS CHAMPION
XXXVIII—"RIP VAN WINKLE"
"OLD BLACK TILLIE"
"VICTOR HUGO'S DEATH"
"I'M SORRY THAT I SPELT THE WORD"
"GOD'S IN HIS HEAVEN"
"SHE DWELT BESIDE"
"THE GOLDEN WEDDING"
ANSWERS
XL—"DARKWATER"
XLI—THE NEW TIME-TABLE
XLII—MR. BOK'S AMERICANIZATION
XLIII—ZANE GREY'S MOVIE
XLIV—SUPPRESSING "JURGEN"
XLV—ANTI-IBÁÑEZ
XLVI—ON BRICKLAYING
XLVII—"AMERICAN ANNIVERSARIES"
XLVIII—A WEEK-END WITH WELLS
XLIX—ABOUT PORTLAND CEMENT
L—OPEN BOOKCASES
LI—TROUT-FISHING
LII—"SCOUTING FOR GIRLS"
MARCHING SONG
LIII—HOW TO SELL GOODS
LIV—"YOU!"
LV—THE CATALOGUE SCHOOL
LVI—"EFFECTIVE HOUSE ORGANS"
LVII—ADVICE TO WRITERS
LVIII—"THE EFFECTIVE SPEAKING VOICE"
LIX—THOSE DANGEROUSLY DYNAMIC BRITISH GIRLS
LX—BOOKS AND OTHER THINGS
LXI—"MEASURE YOUR MIND"
LXII—THE BROW-ELEVATION IN HUMOR
LXIII—BUSINESS LETTERS
Notes