A Satire Anthology
“ SATIRE should, like a polished razor keen,
Wound with a touch that’s scarcely felt or seen. ”
— LADY MARY WORTLEY MONTAGU.
A Satire Anthology
Collected by Carolyn Wells New York Charles Scribner’s Sons 1905
Copyright, 1905, by CHARLES SCRIBNER’S SONS ————— Published, October, 1905
TO MINNIE HARPER PILLING
Unknown
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A SATIRE ANTHOLOGY
NOTE
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
A SATIRE ANTHOLOGY
CHORUS OF WOMEN
A WOULD-BE LITERARY BORE
THE WISH FOR LENGTH OF LIFE
THE ASS’S LEGACY
A BALLADE OF OLD-TIME LADIES
A CARMAN’S ACCOUNT OF A LAWSUIT
THE SOUL’S ERRAND
OF A CERTAIN MAN
A PRECISE TAILOR
THE WILL
SHAKESPEAREAN SATIRE
HORACE CONCOCTING AN ODE
ON DON SURLY
THE SCHOLAR AND HIS DOG
THE MANLY HEART
THE CONSTANT LOVER
THE REMONSTRANCE
SAINTSHIP VERSUS CONSCIENCE
DESCRIPTION OF HOLLAND
THE RELIGION OF HUDIBRAS
SATIRE ON THE SCOTS
SONG
THE CHARACTER OF HOLLAND
THE DUKE OF BUCKINGHAM
ON SHADWELL
SATIRE ON EDWARD HOWARD
ST. ANTHONY’S SERMON TO THE FISHES
INTRODUCTION TO THE TRUE-BORN ENGLISHMAN
AN EPITAPH
THE REMEDY WORSE THAN THE DISEASE
TWELVE ARTICLES
THE FURNITURE OF A WOMAN’S MIND
FROM “THE LOVE OF FAME”
DR. DELANY’S VILLA
THE QUIDNUNCKIS
THE SICK MAN AND THE ANGEL
SANDYS’ GHOST
FROM “THE EPISTLE TO DR. ARBUTHNOT”
THE THREE BLACK CROWS
AN EPITAPH
AN EPISTLE TO SIR ROBERT WALPOLE
THE PUBLIC BREAKFAST
AN ELEGY ON THE DEATH OF A MAD DOG
ON SMOLLETT
THE UNCERTAIN MAN
A FAITHFUL PICTURE OF ORDINARY SOCIETY
ON JOHNSON
TO BOSWELL
THE HEN
LET US ALL BE UNHAPPY TOGETHER
THE FRIAR OF ORDERS GRAY
THE COUNTRY SQUIRE
THE EGGS
THE LITERARY LADY
SLY LAWYERS
REPORTERS
ADDRESS TO THE UNCO GUID, OR THE RIGIDLY RIGHTEOUS
HOLY WILLIE’S PRAYER
KITTY OF COLERAINE
THE FRIEND OF HUMANITY AND THE KNIFE-GRINDER
NORA’S VOW
JOB
COLOGNE
GILES’ HOPE
THE BATTLE OF BLENHEIM
THE WELL OF ST. KEYNE
THE POET OF FASHION
CHRISTMAS OUT OF TOWN
ETERNAL LONDON
THE MODERN PUFFING SYSTEM
LYING
FOOTNOTE:
SYMPATHY
A MODEST WIT
THE PHILOSOPHER’S SCALES
FROM “THE FEAST OF THE POETS”
RICH AND POOR; OR, SAINT AND SINNER
MR. BARNEY MAGUIRE’S ACCOUNT OF THE CORONATION
FROM “THE DEVIL’S DRIVE.”
FROM “ENGLISH BARDS AND SCOTCH REVIEWERS”
TO WOMAN
A COUNTRY HOUSE PARTY
GREEDINESS PUNISHED
WOMAN
THE RICH AND THE POOR MAN
OZYMANDIAS
CUI BONO?
FATHER-LAND AND MOTHER-TONGUE
GAFFER GRAY
OUR VILLAGE
THE DEVIL AT HOME
HOW TO MAKE A NOVEL
TWO CHARACTERS
THE SAILOR’S CONSOLATION
PELTERS OF PYRAMIDS
THE ANNUITY
MALBROUCK
A MAN’S REQUIREMENTS
CRITICS
THE MISER
CACOËTHES SCRIBENDI
A FAMILIAR LETTER TO SEVERAL CORRESPONDENTS
CONTENTMENT
HOW TO MAKE A MAN OF CONSEQUENCE
THE WIDOW MALONE
THE PAUPER’S DRIVE
ON LYTTON
SORROWS OF WERTHER
MR. MOLONY’S ACCOUNT OF THE BALL
DAMAGES, TWO HUNDRED POUNDS.
THE LOST LEADER
THE POPE AND THE NET
SOLILOQUY OF THE SPANISH CLOISTER
CYNICAL ODE TO AN ULTRA-CYNICAL PUBLIC
THE GREAT CRITICS
THE LAUREATE
WOMAN’S WILL
THE MOURNER À LA MODE
THERE IS NO GOD
THE LATEST DECALOGUE
FROM “A FABLE FOR CRITICS”
THE PIOUS EDITOR’S CREED
REVELRY IN INDIA
A FRAGMENT
NOTHING TO WEAR
A REVIEW
THE POSITIVISTS
SKY-MAKING
MY LORD TOMNODDY
HIDING THE SKELETON
MIDGES
THE SCHOOLMASTER ABROAD WITH HIS SON
OF PROPRIETY
ALL-SAINTS
FAME’S PENNY TRUMPET
THE DIAMOND WEDDING
TRUE TO POLL
SLEEP ON
TO THE TERRESTRIAL GLOBE
THE APE AND THE LADY
ANGLICISED UTOPIA
ETIQUETTE
THE ÆSTHETE
TOO LATE!
LIFE IN LACONICS
DISTICHES
THE POET AND THE CRITICS
THE LOVE-LETTER
FAME
FIVE LIVES
HE AND SHE
WHAT WILL WE DO?
THE TOOL
GIVE ME A THEME
THE POEM, TO THE CRITIC
BALLADE OF LITERARY FAME
CHORUS OF ANGLOMANIACS
THE NET OF LAW
A BOSTON LULLABY
THE V-A-S-E
THURSDAY
A BIRD IN THE HAND
AN ADVANCED THINKER
A THOUGHT
A SONNET
THEY SAID
TO R. K.
TO MIGUEL DE CERVANTES SAAVEDRA
WHAT’S IN A NAME?
WED.
ATLANTIC CITY
THE FONT IN THE FOREST
THE ORIGIN OF SIN
A PHILOSOPHER
THE FATE OF PIOUS DAN
THE MEETING OF THE CLABBERHUSES
I
II
III
WEDDED BLISS
A CONSERVATIVE
SAME OLD STORY
HEM AND HAW
THE SCEPTICS
THE EVOLUTION OF A “NAME”
“THE HURT THAT HONOUR FEELS”
JOHN JENKINS
A CERTAIN CURE
THE BEAUTIES OF NATURE
PARADISE
HOCH! DER KAISER
ON A MAGAZINE SONNET
EARTH
A BUTTERFLY OF FASHION
GENERAL SUMMARY
THE CONUNDRUM OF THE WORKSHOPS
EXTRACTS FROM THE RUBAIYAT OF OMAR CAYENNE
BALLADE OF EXPANSION
FRIDAY AFTERNOON AT THE BOSTON SYMPHONY HALL
WAR IS KIND
LINES
FROM THE HOUSE OF A HUNDRED LIGHTS
THE BRITISH VISITOR
A MATCH
WANTED—A GOVERNESS
LINES BY AN OLD FOGY
INDEX OF TITLES
INDEX OF AUTHORS
