The Wit and Humor of America, Volume I. (of X.)
MARSHALL P. WILDER Drawing from photo by Marceau
Happiness and laughter are two of the most beautiful things in the world, for they are of the few that are purely unselfish. Laughter is not for yourself, but for others. When people are happy they present a cheerful spirit, which finds its reflection in every one they meet, for happiness is as contagious as a yawn. Of all the emotions, laughter is the most versatile, for it plays equally well the role of either parent or child to happiness.
Then can we say too much in praise of the men who make us laugh? God never gave a man a greater gift than the power to make others laugh, unless it is the privilege of laughing himself. We honor, revere, admire our great soldiers, statesmen, and men of letters, but we love the man who makes us laugh.
No other man to-day enjoys to such an extent the close personal affection, individual yet national, that is given to Mr. Samuel L. Clemens. He is ours, he is one of us, we have a personal pride in him—dear Mark Twain, the beloved child of the American nation. And it was through our laughter that he won our love.
He is the exponent of the typically American style of fun-making, the humorous story. I asked Mr. Clemens one day if he could remember the first money he ever earned. With his inimitable drawl he said:
Yes, Marsh, it was at school. All boys had the habit of going to school in those days, and they hadn't any more respect for the desks than they had for the teachers. There was a rule in our school that any boy marring his desk, either with pencil or knife, would be chastised publicly before the whole school, or pay a fine of five dollars. Besides the rule, there was a ruler; I knew it because I had felt it; it was a darned hard one, too. One day I had to tell my father that I had broken the rule, and had to pay a fine or take a public whipping; and he said:
'Sam, it would be too bad to have the name of Clemens disgraced before the whole school, so I'll pay the fine. But I don't want you to lose anything, so come upstairs.'
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THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
CONTENTS
FOREWORD
ACKNOWLEDGMENT
THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
MELONS
THE DEACON'S MASTERPIECE
THE PURPLE COW
THE CURSE OF THE COMPETENT
THE GRAMMATICAL BOY
SIMPLE ENGLISH
PARTINGTONIAN PATCHWORK
THE MENAGERIE
DOWN AROUND THE RIVER
A MEDIEVAL DISCOVERER
WANTED—A COOK
SIMILAR CASES
THE OLD MAID'S HOUSE: IN PLAN
DISTICHS
THE QUARREL
A LETTER FROM MR. BIGGS
MRS. JOHNSON
PASS
TEACHING BY EXAMPLE
COLONEL STERETT'S PANTHER HUNT
WOUTER VAN TWILLER
THE EXPERIENCES OF THE A.C.
WHAT MR. ROBINSON THINKS
THE DAY WE DO NOT CELEBRATE
THE YANKEE DUDE'LL DO
SPELLING DOWN THE MASTER
MYOPIA
ANATOLE DUBOIS AT DE HORSE SHOW
THE CHAMPION CHECKER-PLAYER OF AMERIKY
DARBY AND JOAN
WHEN THE FROST IS ON THE PUNKIN
LAFFING
GRIZZLY-GRU
JOHN HENRY IN A STREET CAR
THE MUSKEETER
THE TURNINGS OF A BOOKWORM
THE FEAST OF THE MONKEYS
THE BILLVILLE SPIRIT MEETING
A CRY FROM THE CONSUMER
A DISAPPOINTMENT
THE BRITISH MATRON
THE TRAGEDY OF IT
STAGE WHISPERS
THE PETTIBONE LINEAGE
WHY MOLES HAVE HANDS
A PSALM OF LIFE
AN ODYSSEY OF K'S
THE DEACON'S TROUT
THE FIGHTING RACE
THE ORGAN
MY GRANDMOTHER'S TURKEY-TAIL FAN
FOOTNOTES:
Before An Audience
THE ESSENTIALS OF ELOCUTION
HOW TO SPEAK IN PUBLIC
How to Develop Self-Confidence
How to Read and Declaim
HUMOROUS HITS AND HOW TO HOLD AN AUDIENCE
William Jennings Bryan
Essentials of English Speech and Literature