The Wit and Humor of America, Volume III. (of X.)
SAMUEL L. CLEMENS (MARK TWAIN)
When I saw the little house building, an eighth of a mile beyond my own, on the Old Bay Road, I wondered who were to be the tenants. The modest structure was set well back from the road, among the trees, as if the inmates were to care nothing whatever for a view of the stylish equipages which sweep by during the summer season. For my part, I like to see the passing, in town or country; but each has his own unaccountable taste. The proprietor, who seemed to be also the architect of the new house, superintended the various details of the work with an assiduity that gave me a high opinion of his intelligence and executive ability, and I congratulated myself on the prospect of having some very agreeable neighbors.
It was quite early in the spring, if I remember, when they moved into the cottage—a newly married couple, evidently: the wife very young, pretty, and with the air of a lady; the husband somewhat older, but still in the first flush of manhood. It was understood in the village that they came from Baltimore; but no one knew them personally, and they brought no letters of introduction. (For obvious reasons, I refrain from mentioning names.) It was clear that, for the present at least, their own company was entirely sufficient for them. They made no advance toward the acquaintance of any of the families in the neighborhood, and consequently were left to themselves. That, apparently, was what they desired, and why they came to Ponkapog. For after its black bass and wild duck and teal, solitude is the chief staple of Ponkapog. Perhaps its perfect rural loveliness should be included. Lying high up under the wing of the Blue Hills, and in the odorous breath of pines and cedars, it chances to be the most enchanting bit of unlaced disheveled country within fifty miles of Boston, which, moreover, can be reached in half an hour's ride by railway. But the nearest railway station (Heaven be praised!) is two miles distant, and the seclusion is without a flaw. Ponkapog has one mail a day; two mails a day would render the place uninhabitable.
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Library Edition
THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
THE WIT AND HUMOR OF AMERICA
CONTENTS
COMPLETE INDEX AT THE END OF VOLUME X.
OUR NEW NEIGHBORS AT PONKAPOG
MY FIRST VISIT TO PORTLAND
WILD ANIMALS I HAVE MET
The Bear
The Goose
The Duck
The Cat
The Puppy
The Kid
A BALLADE OF THE "HOW TO" BOOKS
ENVOY
THE HIRED HAND AND "HA'NTS"
GARDEN ETHICS
A TRAVELED DONKEY
SELECTING THE FACULTY
ROLLO LEARNING TO READ
SPELL AND DEFINE:
ELIZABETH ELIZA WRITES A PAPER
THE SUN
MR. STIVER'S HORSE
II
III
IV
V
THE GENIAL IDIOT SUGGESTS A COMIC OPERA
WAMSLEY'S AUTOMATIC PASTOR
THE TOWER OF LONDON
SCIENCE AND NATURAL HISTORY
DISLIKES
THE TWO LADIES
MORALS:
THE DIAMOND WEDDING
AN ARKANSAS PLANTER
THE TWO YOUNG MEN
MORALS:
THE TWO HOUSEWIVES
MORALS:
IN PHILISTIA
THE DYING GAG
THE TWO AUTOMOBILISTS
MORALS:
THE NEW VERSION
Jim Perkins (Cousin of Eli)
Ike Mackoy
Dogs
Interviewers
THE TWO BUSINESS MEN
MORALS:
FOOTNOTES:
Kuloskap, the Master
My Musical Memories