Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 109, July 20, 1895

Vol. 109.
July 20, 1895.
Your laugh would chase away the blues, Your smile is always sunny, One must be gay—who could refuse? Your mission is just to amuse; Discarding all blue-stocking views, You fancy what is funny. You have no fads on Man's Descent From something quite atomic, On Diet, Disestablishment, On Dress, Diminishing of Rent, Divorce or Dockyard Discontent— You seek for something comic. You wear no hygienic shoe, Your dress is never frightful, Your sense of humour makes you too Alive to what you should not do, You laugh at folks, not they at you, You write what's quite delightful. So laugh, and always make us gay; Stern women are alarming, The boldest men, I need not say, Are simply scared by such as they, You do not bore us, anyway. Your conversation's charming.
SPORTING EVENT—A RECORD.
She Won the Sweep!
Unmetrical Adaptation of Robbie Burns' celebrated Line to the New Woman, whether in male attire on or off Bicycle, in her Club, driving her trap, &c., &c. — A woman's a woman for a' that.
OUR BOOKING-OFFICE.
Of Mr. Athol Mayhew's History of Punch the Baron can at present say nothing, no copy of this work having as yet been brought to Our Booking Office, and without a ticket-of-leave, or ticket-for-leaves, granted by Mr. Punch himself, per the Baron de B.-W., the book of Mahu ( Modo he is called and Mahu, as Shirley Brooks used to quote from King Lear ) will not have received the imprimatur. Already it appears, as we read in a letter from Mr. Henry Spielmann (who, if any man living knows anything about Mr. Punch's history, is the Punchian Biographer and Historian par excellence and by appointment ) to the Daily Chronicle , Friday, July 12, that in Mr. Mayhew's book there are numerous errors on important matters. Mayhew-manum est errare. But Herr Von Spielmann will put him right in his forthcoming book, says
The Judicious Baron de Book-Worms.
Covent Garden Opera Proverb.— When in doubt play Faust .