Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 150, March 8, 1916

E-text prepared by Jane Hyland, Jonathan Ingram, and the Project Gutenberg Online Distributed Proofreading Team (http://www.pgdp.net)
Germany is declared to have built a submarine that can go to the United States and back. Future insults therefore will be delivered by hand.
Municipal fishshops are to be established in Germany. They will be closely associated, it is understood, with the Overseas News Agency, and will make a speciality of supplying a fish diet to sailors who are unfortunately prevented by circumstances from visiting the high seas.
In his lecture before the Royal Institute last week Dr. E. G. Russell told his audience that there are 80,000,000 micro-organisms in a tablespoonful of rich cucumber soil. If we substitute German casualties for micro-organisms and deduct the average monthly wastage as shown by the private lists from the admitted official total of available effectives—but we are treading on Mr. Belloc's preserves.
The Government has announced itself as satisfied with the measures taken to prevent Canadian nickel from reaching the Germans. Except, of course, in oblong pellets of insignificant size.
Answering a question of Sir Arthur Markham in the House of Commons last week, Mr. Tennant said, If there was a large force of troops in Egypt, as to which it is undesirable that I should make any statement, it is quite conceivable that the presence of a hundred and seventeen Generals might be necessary. After all, if every one of them were just a Brigadier-General, they wouldn't require more than half-a-million men to keep them occupied.
Naval inspectors of cookery, it is officially announced, will hereafter wear a narrow stripe of white cloth on their cuff. This is a simplified form of the ancient heraldic emblem of the cook's guild, which was a hair frizzé naiant in a dish of soup maigre .
All kinds of cleaning and washing are to be dearer, and a patriotic movement is already on foot among the younger set to do away with these luxuries altogether in the interests of patriotic economy.