Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 153, October 10, 1917

Of course I cannot be in France and America at the same time, said Colonel ROOSEVELT to a New York interviewer. The EX-PRESIDENT is a very capable man and we can only conclude that he has not been really trying.
The Church of to-morrow is not to be built up of prodigal sons, said a speaker at the Congregational Conference. Fatted calves will, however, continue to be a feature in Episcopal circles.
A Berlin coal merchant has been suspended from business for being rude to customers. It is obvious that the Prussian aristocracy will not abandon its prerogatives without a struggle.
The lack of food control in Ireland daily grows more scandalous. A Belfast constable has arrested a woman who was chewing four five-pound notes, and had already swallowed one.
An alien who was fined at Feltham police court embraced his solicitor and kissed him on the cheek. Some curiosity exists as to whether the act was intended as a reprisal.
The English Hymnal , says a morning paper, contains forty English Traditional Melodies and three Welsh tunes. This attempt to sow dissension among the Allies can surely be traced to some enemy source.
Mr. GEORGE MOORE, the novelist, declares that ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON was without merit for tale-telling. But how does Mr. GEORGE MOORE know?
Is Pheasant Shooting Dangerous? asks a weekly paper headline. We understand that many pheasants are of the opinion that it has its risks.
Only a little care is needed in the cooking of the marrow, says Mrs. MUDIE COOKE. But in eating it great caution should be taken not to swallow the marrow whole.
An applicant at the House of Commons' Appeal Tribunal stated that he had been wrongly described as a Member of Parliament. It is not known who first started the scandal.
HERR BATOCKI, Germany's first Food Dictator, is now on active service on the Western Front, where his remarks about the comparative dulness of the proceedings are a source of constant irritation to the Higher Command.