The Illiterate Digest
WILL ROGERS
ALBERT & CHARLES BONI
NEW YORK 1924
Copyright, 1924, by Albert & Charles Boni
Copyright, 1923, 1924, by McNaught Syndicate, Inc. PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
Most Books have to have an Excuse by some one for the Author, but this is the only Book ever written that has to have an Alibi for the Title, too. About 4 years ago, out in California, I was writing sayings for the Screen and I called it the Illiterate Digest. Well one day up bobs the following letter from this N. Y. Lawyer. It and the answer are absolutely just as they were exchanged at that time.
WILLIAM BEVERLY WINSLOW LAWYER
55 Liberty Street, New York, N. Y.
Nov. 5th, 1920.
Will Rogers, Esq., c/o Goldwyn Studios, Culver City, Calif.
Dear Sir :—
My client, the Funk & Wagnalls Company, publishers of the “Literary Digest” have requested me to write to you in regard to your use of the phrase, “The Illiterate Digest,” as a title to a moving picture subject gotten up by you, the consequence of which may have escaped your consideration.
Will Rogers
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TWO LETTERS AND A DEDICATION
CONTENTS
FOOTNOTES:
ILLUSTRATIONS
INTRODUCTION
BREAKING INTO THE WRITING GAME
BREAKING INTO THE WRITING GAME
SETTLING THE CORSET PROBLEM OF THIS COUNTRY
SETTLING THE CORSET PROBLEM OF THIS COUNTRY
HOW TO TELL A BUTLER, AND OTHER ETIQUETTE
HOW TO TELL A BUTLER, AND OTHER ETIQUETTE
DEFENDING MY SOUP PLATE POSITION
DEFENDING MY SOUP PLATE POSITION
HELPING THE GIRLS WITH THEIR INCOME TAXES
HELPING THE GIRLS WITH THEIR INCOME TAXES
THE GREATEST DOCUMENT IN AMERICAN LITERATURE
THE GREATEST DOCUMENT IN AMERICAN LITERATURE
PROSPECTUS FOR “THE REMODELED CHEWING GUM CORPORATION”
PROSPECTUS FOR “THE REMODELED CHEWING GUM CORPORATION”
INSIDE STUFF ON THE TOTAL ECLIPSE
INSIDE STUFF ON THE TOTAL ECLIPSE
IT’S TIME SOMEBODY SAID A WORD FOR CALIFORNIA
IT’S TIME SOMEBODY SAID A WORD FOR CALIFORNIA
PROMOTING THE OCEANLESS ONE PIECE SUIT
PROMOTING THE OCEANLESS ONE PIECE SUIT
WARNING TO JOKERS: LAY OFF THE PRINCE
WARNING TO JOKERS: LAY OFF THE PRINCE
SPRING IS HERE, WITH POEMS AND BATH TUBS
SPRING IS HERE, WITH POEMS AND BATH TUBS
MR. FORD AND OTHER POLITICAL SELF-STARTERS
MR. FORD AND OTHER POLITICAL SELF-STARTERS
WILSON COULD LAUGH AT A JOKE ON HIMSELF
WILSON COULD LAUGH AT A JOKE ON HIMSELF
A JOB WITH THE JAMES FAMILY
A JOB WITH THE JAMES FAMILY
LET’S TREAT OUR PRESIDENTS LIKE HUMAN BEINGS
LET’S TREAT OUR PRESIDENTS LIKE HUMAN BEINGS
WHAT WITH FRUIT JUICE AND CONSOMME, IT WAS A WILD PARTY
WHAT WITH FRUIT JUICE AND CONSOMME, IT WAS A WILD PARTY
WHAT WE NEED IS MORE FRED STONES
WHAT WE NEED IS MORE FRED STONES
ONE OIL LAWYER PER BARREL
ONE OIL LAWYER PER BARREL
ANOTHER HOT CONFESSION IN THE OIL SCANDAL
ANOTHER HOT CONFESSION IN THE OIL SCANDAL
THE WHOLE TRUTH AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH
WELL, WHO IS PRUNES?
WELL, WHO IS PRUNES?
POLITICS GETTING READY TO JELL
POLITICS GETTING READY TO JELL
TWO LONG LOST FRIENDS FOUND AT LAST
TWO LONG LOST FRIENDS FOUND AT LAST
THEY NOMINATED EVERYBODY BUT THE FOUR HORSEMEN
THEY NOMINATED EVERYBODY BUT THE FOUR HORSEMEN
IN THE MIDST OF A 7 YEAR HITCH
IN THE MIDST OF A 7 YEAR HITCH
“WILL ROGERS JR.” REPORTS THE CONVENTION FOR HIS FATHER, WORN OUT BY LONG SERVICE
“WILL ROGERS JR.” REPORTS THE CONVENTION FOR HIS FATHER, WORN OUT BY LONG SERVICE
ROPING A CRITIC
ROPING A CRITIC
“THE WORLD TOMORROW,” AFTER THE MANNER OF GREAT JOURNALISTS.
FOOTNOTES:
SETTLING THE AFFAIRS OF THE WORLD IN MY OWN WAY
SETTLING THE AFFAIRS OF THE WORLD IN MY OWN WAY
A SKINNY DAKOTA KID WHO MADE GOOD
A SKINNY DAKOTA KID WHO MADE GOOD
TAKING THE CURE, BY THE SHORES OF CAT CREEK
TAKING THE CURE, BY THE SHORES OF CAT CREEK
Transcriber’s note
