The Humane Man and the Bull Calf.
"Make veal of that pretty creature! 'Tis a shame!" says the Humane Man. "I will buy him and take him home to the children."
"Ef Oi was you, Oi wud niver toi that rope around me waist," says the former proprietor of the calf.
"Oh, never fear; he is a gentle thing," says the Humane Man.
The "gentle thing" develops a tendency to play rather startling to the Humane Man.
And takes him for a little dash down a stony hill,
But is stopped at the bottom by a small dog.
"Be still, little calfy, till I untie this cord–that's a good little calfy," says the Humane Man.
Renewal of hostilities by the dog, and a circus performance by the Humane Man and his purchase.
Sudden termination to the circus performance owing to the want of more rope. "You micro-cephalous idiot," says the Humane Man, "if I had a knife I'd—"
—but the sentence is never finished, for again the dog interferes and the Humane Man is unfurled.
The "pretty creature" becomes really alarmed and goes through a break in the fence leaving the Humane Man in a serious position.
Rescue of the Humane Man by natives–mutual astonishment.
"Boys," says the Humane Man, "you may have that calf–he is yours on condition that he is made at once into veal–minced veal!!"
An adventure that befel Maria and Tobias.
A warning to Mutton that thinks itself Lamb.
"Look at that hill, Maria; when we was children how we did roll down hills like that. Wouldn't it be fun now?"
"Lor'! Toby! we're too old and fat fer the likes of that."
"Fat nothin'! come on, let's do it?"
"Well, you go ahead, I'll foller."
"Hi! Maria, aint this glorious?–like we was children agin!?"
"I don't know, Toby, I think I'll stop!"
"Hold on, Maria; stop me!!!"
"Hold on to what, you ole fool, stop yerself!"
"Them–was–briars–Maria!!"
"Think–I'm–'s–big–fool–as–you?"
"Hol'–on–Maria–hol'–on."
"I–won't–ol'–fool!"
"Are you there, Maria?"
"What's left of me's here!"
"Hol' on tight, Maria, we may start agin any minit!"
"I wish you would, and never stop!"
"Well, you're a nice lookin' objeck, Maria."
"If I look half as bad as you, I want to die right here!"
Voices of the night: "You ole fool, I wish I'd never seen you."
"Fool who? You proposed it, Maria!" etc., etc.