August, 1914
Said Austria,—"You murderous Serb,
You the peace of all Europe disturb;
Get down on your knees,
And apologize, please,
Or I'll kick you right off my front curb."
Said Serbia,—"Don't venture too far,
Or I'll call in my uncle, the Czar;
He won't see me licked,
Nor insulted, nor kicked,
So you better leave things as they are."
Said the Kaiser,—"That Serb's a disgrace.
We must teach him to stay in his place,
If Russia says boo,
I'm in the game, too,
And right quickly we'll settle the case."
The Czar said,—"My cousin the Kaiser,
Was always a good advertiser;
He's determined to fight,
And insists he is right,
But soon he'll be older and wiser."
"For forty-four summers," said France,
"I have waited and watched for a chance
To wrest Alsace-Lorraine
From the Germans again,
And now is the time to advance."
Said Belgium,—"When armies immense
Pour over my boundary fence,
I'll awake from my nap,
And put up a scrap
They'll remember a hundred years hence."
Said John Bull,—"This 'ere Kaiser's a slob,
And 'is word isn't worth 'arf a bob,
(If I lets Belgium suffer,
I'm a blank bloomin' duffer)
So 'ere goes for a crack at 'is nob."
Said Italy,—"I think I'll stay out,
Till I know what this row is about;
It's a far better plan,
Just to sell my banan',
Till the issue is plain beyond doubt."
Said our good uncle Samuel, "I swaow
I had better keep aout of this raow,
For with Mormons, and Niggers,
And Greasers, I figgers
I have all I kin handle just naow."