XXI.
That which costs little is of little worth. This thought should make us tremble. In our self-examination we may experience at times a certain satisfaction in noticing the [pg 035] little virtues we may possess, above all, those that render us pleasing in the eyes of others.
For instance, we may like to pray at a certain place, with certain sentiments, and we think ourselves devout; we are gentle, polite, and smiling towards one person in particular; patient with those we fear, or in whose good opinion we would stand; we are devoted, charitable, generous, because the heart experiences an unspeakable pleasure in spending and being spent for others; we suffer willingly at the hands of some one we love, and then say we are patient; we are silent, because we have no inclination to speak; shunning society because we fail to shine there, and then fancy that we love retirement.
Take these virtues that give you such self-satisfaction, one by one, and ask yourself at what sacrifice, labor, or cost, above all, with what care you [pg 036] have managed to acquire them.... Alas! you will find that all that patience, affability, generosity, and piety are but as naught, springing from a heart puffed up with pride. It costs nothing, and it is worthless.
As self-sacrifice, says De Maistre, is the basis and essence of virtue, so those virtues are the most meritorious that have cost the greatest effort to attain.
Do not look with so much pride on this collection of virtues, but rather bring yourself to account for your faults. Take just one, the first that comes, impatience, sloth, gossip, uncharitableness, sulkiness, whatever it may be, and attack it bravely.
It will take at least a month, calculating upon three victories every day, not indeed to eradicate it,—a fault is not so short-lived,—but to prevent its attaining dominion over you.
That one subdued, then take [pg 037] another. It is the work of a lifetime; and truly to our faults may we apply the saying, "Quand il n'y en a plus, il y en a encore."
"Happy should I think myself," said S. Francis de Sales, "if I could rid myself of my imperfections but one-quarter of an hour previous to my death."
XXII.
Before Holy Communion
Jesus
My child, it is not wisdom I require of thee, it sufficeth if thou lovest Me well.
Speak to Me as thou wouldst talk to thy mother if she were here, pressing thee to her heart.
Hast thou none for whom thou wouldst intercede? Tell Me the names [pg 038] of thy kindred and thy friends; and at the mention of each name add what thou wouldst have Me do for them. Ask much fervently; the generous hearts that forget themselves for others are very dear unto Me.
Tell Me of the poor thou wouldst succor, the sick thou hast seen suffering, the sinful thou wouldst reclaim, the estranged thou wouldst receive to thy heart again.
Pray fervently for all mankind.
Remind Me of My promise to hear all prayers that proceed from the heart; and the prayer offered for one who loves us, and is dear to us, is sure to be heartfelt and fervent.
Hast thou no favors to ask of Me? Give Me, if thou wilt, a list of all thy desires, all the wants of thy soul. Tell Me, simply, of all thy pride, sensuality, self-love, sloth; and ask for My [pg 039] help in thy struggles to overcome them.
Poor child! be not abashed; many that had the same faults to contend against are now saints in heaven.
They cried to Me for help, and by degrees they conquered.
Do not hesitate to ask for temporal blessings,—health, intellect, success. I can bestow them, and never fail to do so, where they tend to make the soul more holy. What wouldst thou this day, My child?... If thou didst but know how I long to bless thee!...
Hast thou no interests which occupy thy mind?
Tell Me of them all.... Of thy vocation. What dost thou think? What dost thou desire? Wouldst thou give pleasure to thy mother, thy family, those in authority over thee? what wouldst thou do for them?
And for Me hast thou no ardor? Dost thou not desire to do some good to the souls of those thou lovest, but who are forgetful of Me?
Tell Me of one in whom thou hast interest; the motive that actuates; the means thou wouldst employ.
Lay before Me thy failures, and I will teach thee the cause.
Whom wouldst thou have to help thee? The hearts of all are in My keeping, and I lead them gently wheresoever I will. Rest assured, all who are needful to thee, I will place around thee.
Oh! My child, tell Me of all thy weariness: who has grieved thee? treated thee with contempt? wounded thy self-love?
Tell Me all, and thou wilt end by saying, all is forgiven, all forgotten ... and I, surely I will bless thee!...
Art thou fearful of the future? Is [pg 041] there in thy heart that vague dread that thou canst not define, but which nevertheless torments thee?
Trust in My Providence.... I am present with thee, I know all, and I will never leave thee nor forsake thee.
Are there around thee those seemingly less devout than formerly, whose coldness or indifference have estranged thee from them without real cause?...
Pray for them. I can draw them back to thee if they are necessary to the sanctification of thy soul.
What are the joys of which thou hast to tell Me?
Let Me share thy pleasures; tell Me of all that has occurred since yesterday to comfort thee, please thee, to give thee joy!
That fear suddenly dispelled, that unexpected success, that token of [pg 042] affection, the trial that proved thee stronger than thou thoughtest....
My child, I sent it all; why not show some gratitude, and simply thank thy Lord?
Gratitude draws down a blessing, and the Great Benefactor likes His children to remind Him of His Goodness.
Hast thou no promises to make to Me? I can read thy heart; thou knowest it; thou mayst deceive man, but thou canst never deceive God. Be sincere.
Art thou resolved to avoid all occasions of sin? To renounce that which tempts thee; never again to open the book that excites thine imagination? Not to bestow thine affection on one who is not devout, and whose presence steals the peace from thy soul?
Wilt thou go now and be loving and forbearing towards one who has vexed thee?...
Good, My child!... Go, then, return to thy daily toil; be silent, humble, resigned, charitable; then return to Me with a heart yet more loving and devoted, and I shall have for thee fresh blessings.