§5
“Yes, Sir, he was indeed a marvel, my predecessor was”—thus the inspector of police at Vyatka used to address me in his confidential moments. “Well, of course, we get along fairly, but men like him are born, not made. He was, in his way, I might say, a Caesar, a Napoleon”—and the eyes of my lame friend, the Major, who had got his place as recompense for a wound, shone as he recalled his glorious predecessor.
“There was a gang of robbers, not far from the town. Complaints came again and again to the authorities; now it was a party of merchants relieved of their goods, now the manager of a distillery was robbed of his money. The Governor was in a fuss and drew up edict after edict. Well, as you know, the country police are not brave: they can deal well enough with a petty thief, if there’s only one; but here there was a whole gang, and, likely enough, in possession of firearms. As the country police did nothing, the Governor summoned the town inspector and said:
“‘I know that this is not your business at all, but your well-known activity forces me to appeal to you.’
“The inspector knew all about the scandal already.
“‘General,’ said he, ‘I shall start in an hour. I know where the robbers are sure to be; I shall take a detachment with me; I shall come upon the scoundrels, bring them back in chains, and lodge them in the town prison, before they are three days older.’ Just like Suvórov to the Austrian Emperor! And he did what he said he would do: he surprised them with his detachment; the robbers had no time to hide their money; the inspector took it all and marched them off to the town.
“When the trial began, the inspector asked where the money was.
“‘Why, bátyushka, we put it into your own hands,’ said two of the men.
“‘Mine!’ cried the inspector, with an air of astonishment.
“‘Yes, yours!’ shouted the thieves.
“‘There’s insolence for you!’ said the inspector to the magistrate, turning pale with rage. ‘Do you expect to make people believe that I was in league with you? I shall show you what it is to insult my uniform; I was a cavalry officer once, and my honour shall not be insulted with impunity!’
“So the thieves were flogged, that they might confess where they had stowed away the money. At first they were obstinate, but when they heard the order that they were to be flogged ‘for two pipes,’ then the leader of the gang called out—‘We plead guilty! We spent the money ourselves.’
“‘You might have said so sooner,’ remarked the inspector, ‘instead of talking such nonsense. You won’t get round me in a hurry, my friend.’ ‘No, indeed!’ muttered the robber, looking in astonishment at the inspector; ‘we could teach nothing to Your Honour, but we might learn from you.’
“Well, over that affair the inspector got the Vladímir Order.”
“Excuse me,” I said, interrupting his enthusiasm for the great man, “but what is the meaning of that phrase ‘for two pipes’?”
“Oh, we often use that in the police. One gets bored, you know, while a flogging is going on; so one lights a pipe; and, as a rule, when the pipe is done, the flogging is over too. But in special cases we order that the flogging shall go on till two pipes are smoked out. The men who flog are accustomed to it and know exactly how many strokes that means.”