ACT II
Scene: Picnic grounds in the country near Harry Benson’s farm. Scene is at dinner-time on the picnic grounds. The band is heard playing in the distance. Ethel, Jennie, and Mrs. Benson are busy taking food from a large box. Mr. Benson is sitting on a spring buggy seat at one side of the stage. Toy balloon whistles can be heard at different intervals, some louder than others. Also auto horns tooting occasionally.
Mrs. Benson
While working.
Ethel, I thought the pageant went just fine. Didn’t you, Jennie?
Jennie
I certainly did. Ethel makes a mighty good milk-maid. That fellow in love with her seemed to think the same thing.
Mr. Benson
By jinks, it did me a lot of good to see her snub that city feller.
Ethel
I’m glad you all enjoyed it. It went better than we thought it would.
Mrs. Benson
How did you train that dog to walk across the stage like he did?
Ethel
We didn’t—he walked across of his own accord. It fitted in the scene fine, but I could hardly keep from laughing.
Mrs. Benson
Well, I declare, it looked just like he was supposed to do it. (Looking in box) I can’t find any salt or pepper.
Auto horns toot in the distance.
Jennie
They’re wrapped up in some white paper in one corner.
Mrs. Benson
Here they are.
Unwraps and puts on table.
Jennie
Wonder what’s keeping Harry. I saw him right after the game, and he said he’d be down in a little while. Which dish is the salad in, Ethel?
Ethel
It’s in that large oval dish.
Auto horn toots.
Jennie
Do you know what we forgot? We forgot the sugar for the lemonade.
Mrs. Benson
Dear me, now what are we to do?
Ethel
Do you remember I started to get it this morning when you asked me to whip the cream for the cake? I never thought of it again.
Jennie
I wonder if the Newtons would have any more than they want.
Ethel
I’ll run up to where they are eating and see.
Exit Ethel. Enter Harry in baseball suit.
Harry
My, but this shady place feels refreshing. Wow! Such a hypnotizing odor. Better watch me. I’m liable to go into a spell and eat the whole works. I feel like a starved wolf.
Mr. Benson
What’s the matter with you fellers, Harry—didn’t I hear you say our club had a better nine than the Lyon Club?
Harry
Can’t expect to beat that umpire. We got another one for this afternoon’s game and I’ll bet they don’t beat us then. That umpire this morning was absolutely “rotten.” He called me out twice on second base and I was there a mile before the ball both times. Called Jones out on a home base and the catcher dropped the ball before he even touched him. We had to strike at everything that came along, for he’d call it a strike anyway.
Jennie
We hope you’ll beat this afternoon. Are you too tired to get a pail of water from the spring?
Harry
Not if you will have dinner ready when I get back.
Takes bucket on exit.
Mr. Benson
I wonder why Hiram and his wife ain’t here to-day. They’re generally along the first ones at a picnic.
Mrs. Benson
I was talking with her over the phone yesterday and she said they were coming.
Mr. Benson
Doesn’t seem quite natural without Hiram around.
Enter Ethel with Floyd.
Ethel
Opal, I brought Floyd down to play with you.
Opal
Jumping from swing clapping hands.
Oh goodie, won’t you swing me, Floyd?
Ethel
Here is lots of sugar.
Jennie
Good, Harry has gone after the water.
Mrs. Benson
I guess everything is all ready when he gets here.
Enter Harry with water.
Harry
I feel just like a starved bear. If dinner isn’t ready I’m going to jump in this bucket of water and drown myself.
Ethel and Jennie busy making lemonade.
Jennie
All we’d need to do would be to pour in this juice and sugar (they do so) and you’d soon drink the pond dry.
Harry
Yes, and I’d do it so quick I wouldn’t even get wet.
Exit Opal and Floyd.
Ethel
If you people are hungry, get around here, it’s all ready.
Jennie
Grandma, you and grandpa sit around here.
Harry
I’ll sit close to the salad.
Has lemonade on box close to him—everybody takes seat, leaving two for Opal and Floyd and enough to set one more plate.
Jennie
I wonder where the children have gone to.
Mrs. Benson
I didn’t see them leave. I expect they went up to play with the Smith children.
Harry
When you run dry on lemo, just hand your cups this way. Will you pass the buns, please?
Jennie
You ought not to be hungry after eating that big breakfast this morning. What do you think—he ate four eggs, six baking powder biscuits and about a cup full of syrup, to say nothing about potatoes.
Harry
Just the same I don’t believe pa would advise me to go to the city to cure my appetite, would you pa?
Mr. Benson
I guess not, by jinks! We eat to live, so why not live where we have an appetite for what we eat?
Enters Hiram smoking corn-cob pipe.
Hiram
Golly, but I’m just in time.
Mr. Benson
Hello, Hiram, come and have some dinner.
Hiram
Well, I never turn daon’ a meal when I’m hungry. Got some of those good biscuits, Mary?
Ethel prepares a place.
Mrs. Benson
We’ve got some biscuits, but I can’t say as they’re very good.
Hiram
Lays pipe at side of stage—takes seat at table.
Wall, I can say it without ever tastin’ them. John, I reckon ye can’t say ye haven’t had a good meal since you moved back ter the farm. I can’t keep from talkin’ about you movin’ to the city. Ye thought everything was going to be honey, but it turned out ter be merlasses. Ain’t I right, John?
Mrs. Benson
Where’s Rachel, didn’t she come?
Hiram
She woke up with a headache this morning. I wanted ter stay hum with her, but she made me come down for a while. There seems to be a large crowd here, to-day.
Harry
A very large crowd. I never saw the like of autos as were out to the game.
Hiram
John, what do you know about these fellers. Henry tells me they got beat.
Harry
The umpire played a fine game.
Hiram
That’s what Henry was tellin’ me, but I just laughed at him. Everybody hates to acknowledge they’re whipped. John here even kinder hates ter say the city got the best of him. Of course, that’s different then getting beat in a game. It wasn’t any honor ter the city, but ye fellers were on equal footin’ and both teams are used ter the grounds, while John here, he was on a strange diamond. We never had umpires when I was a boy, but we found plenty of other excuses for getting beat.
Mr. Benson
Harry says they’re goin’ to beat them this afternoon.
Harry
You two just watch us and see. We got a good umpire and we’re going to beat them on equal footin’ as you say.
Enter Opal and Floyd, hold of hands—stop quick and stand looking.
Jennie
You children are rather late—here’s your places around here between grandma and me.
They take places at table, Jennie places bib around them.
Where have you been?
Floyd
We went up to play with Ruth and Harold. They’ve got a swing fastened away up high and you can swing twice as far as you can with this one.
Opal
It almost took my breath away.
Hiram
The country’s the place to raise children in. Here they have all the fresh air and good plain food ter make them grow. In the city they are all crowded up together in a bunch. Their fresh air is all filled with smoke. They have no place for the children to play exceptin’ in the parks where they’re so careful with their hay they have signs all around ter “keep off the grass.” Why, we have to raise their food for them, but they don’t get it until it’s been in cold storage for a year or so or else canned. I tell ye people, God intended fer us ter live in the country—if He hadn’t He’d made the city instead. Ain’t that so, John?
John
I hadn’t thought of it that way, but I guess you’re right.
Hiram
Of course, I’m right.
Floyd
We’re going back after dinner, ain’t we, Opal?
Opal
Can we, mama?
Jennie
Oh maybe, if you’ll not get in anybody’s way and not get hurt.
Opal and Floyd
Oh, we won’t.
Harry
Pass the salad, please.
Hiram
How was your play, Ethel?
Ethel
It went off very well.
Hiram
We were wantin’ ter see it so bad—such a fine day for it, too. Do ye know we’d enjoy a doin’s like that, where we know the actors, better than we would a play we’d have ter pay three or four dollars to see in the city? Ain’t that right, John?
John
I guess you’re right, I never saw anything better anywhere.
Hiram
Ethel, how about you? Do ye think ye’ll ever be wantin’ to move back? Rachel and I was just talkin’ the other day about what a loss it would be ter the community if you married a city feller and moved out; we were just wonderin’ if there were any on yer track.
Mrs. Benson
You don’t need to worry. One rich feller tried it and he didn’t get her.
Ethel
Mother, you shouldn’t tell my little secrets.
Floyd
I’m ready to go.
Begins leaving table.
Opal
So am I.
Jennie
Let me wipe your hands before you go.
Wipes their hands and mouths.
Floyd
As he begins leaving stage before Opal is ready.
Hurry up, Opal!
Opal
I’m coming. (As they go skipping out.) Good-by, mama!
Exeunt.
Hiram
Ain’t that just like little tots? I tell ye, people, we don’t appreciate being little till we’re old. Did ye ever notice how older people enjoy sittin’ around talkin’ about the things they did when they were little? Golly, but I’ll never forget the time when I was about three years old and my mother started to walk over ter one of our neighbors that lived about a mile and er half from our place. We didn’t get very far when I wanted ter be carried. Well, she couldn’t carry me so fur so she goes and breaks a hazel brush for a stick-horse and gives it ter me ter ride. Wall, I can remember just as well as if it was yesterday, how I gets on that stick-horse and begun ridin’, runnin’ on ahead kickin’ up my heels and runnin’ side ways like a proud army horse. Then I’d get scared and go to rearin’ and backin’. Then I run clear back again.
Enters a little boy and begins fooling with swing.
Well sir, I rode that stick-horse all the way over and back and never asked once to be carried again. Ye’ve got ter give a kid something to do if you don’t want ter get into trouble.
Give a kid something to do
And he’ll grow up, pure, noble and true.
Ain’t that right, John?
Mr. Benson
I guess you’re right, that’s the way I was brought up.
Ethel
Speaking to boy at swing.
Hello, little man, why don’t you get in and swing?
He does so.
Mr. Benson
How’s your cattle lookin’ lately, Hiram?
Hiram
Fine, by golly, I never seen ’em grow so fast. I get ’em on that new field of bromus grass. They’ll be in mighty fine shape to fatten this fall.
Enters Leslie Larsen in band suit, carrying horn.
Leslie
Everybody seems to be happy.
Harry
Hello Leslie, going to play at the game this afternoon? We’re going to beat ’em.
Leslie
We’ll be right there, but I’m not so sure about the beating part since that game this morning.
Jennie
Had your dinner, Leslie?
Leslie
Yes, we’ve been through half an hour. I was just going to the bowry. We’re going to have a little concert before the speaking.
Hiram
Who’s the speaker to-day?
Leslie
Senator McDonald. I saw him coming this way before I started. I met him this morning. Seems like a fine fellow.
Hiram
John, why don’t yer give ’em a talk on how to be happy in the city?
Senator walks across rear of stage without noticing anyone. Leslie calls him.
Leslie
Mr. McDonald, come here a moment.
Mr. McDonald
Why hello, Mr. Larsen!
Leslie
Mr. McDonald, this is the Benson family—one of our prominent farmers in this community.
Mr. McDonald
People, I’m very glad to meet you. It does my heart good to get out and meet the tillers of the soil. I always consider it a great honor to have such a privilege as a day like this. I was out walking to get some fresh air before my talk.
Hiram
No place like the country for fresh air, ain’t that right Senator?
Mr. McDonald
You’re right. Hope you fellows will be at the speaking. I always like a large crowd.
Mr. Benson
You can count on our being there.
Mr. McDonald
Good! bring all your friends. I’ll be walking on. Good-by.
Exit.
Jennie
If everyone has had enough, we’ll spread the tablecloth over the table—we’ve got to eat supper here before we leave.
Women arrange table.
Leslie
Well, I’ll have to be going or I’ll be late.
Harry
Guess I’ll walk up with you. I guess the women will come together.
Exeunt.
Mr. Benson
Hiram, you ought to order you a running water system and an electric light plant for your farm. They’ve got ’em down now so ye can’t afford to be without ’em.
Hiram
John, are ye havin’ a nightmare about the city?
Mr. Benson
By jinks, I’m speakin’ my right mind. We just sent in an order for an electric light plant. Harry says we can get a motor so small we can carry it around under our arms and can attach it to the wire any place and run our fan mills, pumps, grinders, washin’ machines, in fact everything dependin’ on the size of the motor. In the house you can take off a light bulb and attach a “lectric” iron and cooker, make it do the churnin’ and sweepin’, run the sewin’ machine, and even rock the cradle, besides havin’ light all over yer buildin’s without any danger of fire.
Hiram
Wall, I’ll be goll durned. John, are ye sure ye haven’t been drinkin’ too much lemonade?
Mr. Benson
It’s right. In the spring we’re goin’ ter git a runnin’ water system made especially for the farm. Harry has had it all planned for over a year now.
Hiram
Wall, if that don’t beat the cat’s a fightin’. I knew that boy had the stuff in him when he planned that house for you and Mary.
Jennie
If you folks are going, you had better be coming along.
Mr. Benson
Looking at watch.
By jinks, it is time we were going.
Ethel
I’ll be there as soon as I find my fan.
Exeunt all but Ethel. Enters Clarence unobserved. Ethel looks through box and around for fan.
Well, I’m sure I brought that fan along, I couldn’t think of losing it, for it’s one Clarence gave me before he went away to school and before we moved to the city. Well, that’s funny—I know I couldn’t have lost it on the way, and we—
Clarence
You don’t need a fan in this cool place.
Ethel
Clarence! You here?
Rises and takes him by the hand.
Clarence
Yes, I graduated last week—came home to settle down and do something. One feels mighty ambitious after going through college and wants to get right out and begin applying his knowledge and getting the practical experience. But you? I thought you were in the city. Out for a visit, I suppose?
Ethel
Visit! Why, the folks have moved back on the farm. Being the baby, I naturally had to come too. Of course, I hated to leave.
Clarence
I’m mighty glad to know your folks have moved back on the farm. Now that it won’t be necessary for you to look after them so closely, I suppose you will soon be moving back and start your practical applications, there.
Ethel
Oh, maybe—things are mighty handy, you know.
Clarence
Lots of fine fellows there, too, I suppose?
Ethel
Lots of them. The girls are scarce, too. Tell me about your college days. Suppose you graduated with high honors?
Clarence
Oh, no, no! Not many anyway. There was a lot—
Enters Hiram, stops and listens.
of things I wanted to get at the bottom of; so many things I was in doubt about. I was too busy to think of honors. I went in to prepare myself for higher honors to be won later in life and that shall be remembered and enjoyed by those that follow after me when I’m gone.
Hiram
That’s right, my boy. It ain’t so much what you do in school as it is what ye get, and you do after ye get out. That’s the time to do something. Look at Lincoln—he hardly seen the inside of a schoolhouse, but he studied and got something then went and done somethin’. He came from the farm, too. Pardon me, children, I left my pipe layin’ there by this tree when I set down ter dinner. (Takes pipe and lights, taking long, loud draws.) I’ll be leavin’, I know young folks like to be alone.
Exit.
Clarence
I guess he didn’t recognize me. Have I changed much, Ethel?
Ethel
A little more mature in looks is all.
Clarence
Tell me about your life in the city, Ethel.
Ethel
I haven’t much to tell—we had a fine house and servants, but the folks were out of place and didn’t feel at home. You see they had lived in the country too long to get any comfort out of the city life—there isn’t anything that seemed real to them. Mother didn’t like to let on for she was the strongest advocate of going, and you couldn’t blame her when she thought of all the conveniences in the city. But even at that she had lived in the country too long to get any enjoyment out of the city. As for me, I’m young and can soon adapt myself to the new conditions in the city. Can’t you imagine what a good city belle I would make?
Clarence
Ethel, you have been the best friend I ever had outside of mother and father and they’re both gone. The reason I went away to school was the thought that I might some day be worthy and capable of making a home for you equal to the best found anywhere. I realize that the majority of farmers buy conveniences for themselves without realizing the conveniences their wives need in the house, so they have to go on in the same way their grandmothers did. Ethel, you remember that last letter you wrote me, three years ago, I believe?
Ethel
Yes, and you never answered it.
Clarence
No. When you went away to the city you were young and I did not dare ask you to wait for me. Besides I thought it would be useless for you were thinking that when the time came you would marry a city fellow who could offer you a home without the drudgery some women have on the farm. In that last letter, you were telling me about a certain rich man. Well, I knew your youthful dream had come true. I didn’t want to stand in your way. I knew you were old enough to know what you wanted, so I didn’t write. Ethel, I almost gave up then, and I don’t know but what I would had it not been for my roommate, noble old chap. He got me started right again. Ethel, I hope you will be happy in the city.
Rises and crosses stage.
Ethel
I did write about a certain young man, but—
Clarence
But what?
Ethel
I didn’t think you would take it so seriously.
Clarence
You mean to say—
Ethel
That I was only teasing you about the city.
Clarence
Then you’re not—
Takes her hand.
Ethel
Not if I can help it. How about that home you were dreaming about?
Clarence
It’s yours, Ethel, and it’s going to be the very best (embrace).
Embrace. Enter Hiram and Mr. Benson. Stop short on seeing Ethel and Clarence in each other’s arms.
Mr. Benson
Harshly.
Ethel!
Ethel and Clarence separate embarrassed.
Clarence
Going up and taking Mr. Benson by the hand.
Mr. Benson, I know this is no way to be caught with your daughter, but since it couldn’t be helped I suppose the only way to get around it will be for you to give your consent to marry her.
Mr. Benson
Are you going to live on the farm?
Clarence
Would you advise me to?
Mr. Benson
By jinks, you can’t have her unless you do.
Clarence crosses and puts arm around Ethel.
Hiram
By golly, it does me good to see the cream of the country come pourin’ back again. Don’t you know some of our greatest men like Lincoln and Washington, come from the farm? They’d all like to have gotten back again but they were so tied up in the world they couldn’t break loose. The cities are all right in a way, and I suppose we couldn’t get along without them now, but, by golly, there would never have been a city if it hadn’t been for the country. Why, I can remember when all the young men that wanted to do something worth while went to the cities and left the very poorest fellows at home. And the old fellows when they got enough money they moved ter the city and spent their money there. By golly, that’s right, ain’t it, John?
Mr. Benson
I guess you’re right, Hiram.
Hiram
Of course, I’m right. By golly, it sure does me good ter see the change coming where the best people of the country stay on the farm instead of movin’ ter the city where they’re just as much out of place as “A Bee in a Drone’s Hive.”
Author of play—Cecil Baker.
Curtain.