BOOK VI.—THE COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF PAYS FOR GOLIATH

Then Tiny climbed up the Hill to the Fort.

And there the Fellows were taking down the wire netting, which they always put round the wall at dark, in case They should come on by night: for They were like a lot more, They were always supposed to be going to do a heap of things They never did.

Then Tiny shook hands with the brown Captain, and kicked the yellow one, and crawled through the wall by the cannon-hole, and out on to the barrack-square.

And the barrack-square was a sort of blank desert with cubicles all round; and the Junior Subaltern was making up the beds inside, which was always his little job: for the Junior Subaltern has to do all the things that nobody else will do in that Regiment.

But directly he saw Tiny, he shut up work, and came across the square, very silly and sheepish.

And the Junior Subaltern walked with his toes rather turned in. And his knickers were patched, and his stockings darned: for his mother was a very careful woman. And his collar had slipped up the back of his neck, so that there was a great gap: for his back-button was off, as usual, although they always put him under arrest for it whenever they remembered. But what the Junior Subaltern always said was,

"It's mother—not me."

Then when he got quite close to Tiny, he looked at his toes, and said in a very little whisper,

"Truly sorry, Tiny."

Then Tiny frowned and answered,

"I should just think you were. Certainly you ought to be. And now tell me, what is it you are sorry for?"

So the Junior Subaltern twiddled his toes over each other, and answered very low,

"For you know."

Then Tiny said very sternly,

"Yes, I know—only I've forgotten."

So the Junior Subaltern whispered,

"At your wedding."

Then Tiny remembered about the drop of lime-juice off a feather in the porch. And he wagged his head very sorrowfully and said,

"O dear! O dear! O dear!" And he walked up and down for a long long time, with his hands behind him, and his chin on his chest, groaning, and so on etc.

Then at last he stopped, and rolled one eye at the Junior Subaltern, and said,

"I forgive you on condition I may lecture you for as long as I like. D'you agree?"

So the Junior Subaltern answered,

"I should like to think it over first, please," for he knew what a lecture from Tiny meant.

So he turned his back, and dug at a weed with his toe, while he thought it over.

Then after about a bit he muttered pretty tearfully,

"Well, I agree, because there's no other way. Only goodness sake get it over quick."

Then Tiny took him tight by the arm, and walked him up and down, and up and down, and gave him the longest lecture that ever was all about nothing, and simplee loved it.

And the Junior Subaltern blew his nose upside down without a handkerchief, which you do when you want the tears to go inside and not out, and said every quarter of an hour,

"I say! isn't that bout enough?"

But Tiny only answered,

"No, thank-you," and went on.

So the Junior Subaltern said rather sulkily,

"Well, it's a good long go anyway."

Then when Tiny really could not think of any more, he made the Junior Subaltern learn by heart the Sorry Song he and Baby had written in Moonland; and after that he made him stand on the Fort-wall and sing it; which he did—not very nicely.

And when that was finished, Tiny said,

"That'll do for the present, thank-you."

So the Junior Subaltern scrambled off the wall, saying to himself out loud,

"Jolly good job too," and ran off to find the Boy.

So Tiny came to the whitewash shed, where the Fellows were now, eating more and complaining louder than ever.

Then when Tiny had counted them, he said,

"But where's the Colonel?"

So the brown Captain answered,

"In bed—bad with shock."

And all the Fellows said in a sort of a chorus,

"Bed—bad with shock."

And some said it was one thing; and some said it was another; and a good lot said it was neither. But they all agreed that Cooey had come from the Castle in the dawn with a writing, and had fluttered up to the Colonel, who was helping the Boy soap Goliath; and that after reading the writing the Colonel had taken to his bed without a word.

Then Tiny, who loved the Colonel, because he was so red and round and thought nice of everybody, ran up the ladder to the loft: for the Colonel always lives above the shed in that Army to be handy.

And when Tiny had undone the trap-door, and peeped through, there lay the dear old Colonel in bed in the dark corner under the cobweb, quite quite bald.

And his knees were cocked up, and his arms round them, and his little nose laid on his knees skew-wise.

And he was saying to himself in a weak voice,

"I am the Colonel. I love evewybody, and evewybody loves me. And evewything's always as nice as nice can be in our dear Countwy. Only I've had a bit of a shock—that's all."

Then Tiny climbed out on to the floor, and came towards the corner on his toes.

And when the Colonel saw him coming, he let his knees down, and went back on the pillow, and said rather faintly,

"Ah, my dear dear boy!—how are you?—how's Baby?" for next to animals, the Colonel loved Baby best in all the world.

Then Tiny shook hands and said,

"I'm awfully sorry to hear of this, Sir." And he pulled a truss of straw up to the bed and sat on it, and said very gently,

"Would you care for me to tell you about me and Baby and Moonland, Sir?—and the landlady, and the lake, and the fish there was supposed to be there, and that?"

For Tiny began to understand a little about illness now: for Baby taught him. Only he thought he understood a lot more than he did, which was rather a favourite thing of Tiny's.

But the Colonel shut his eyes, and said, "Thank-you, my dear boy, thank-you. Some day I want to hear all about it—not just now though. Twuth is I've had wather a shock. So've you, my poor boy. So've we all. Only p'w'aps it's worse for you and my little Marwy than for the others."

And he opened his eyes a bit, and said, "Have you got into Cosy Cottage yet, you and Baby?"

So Tiny cheered up and answered, "Yes, Sir. We settled in last night, as jolly as can be. Baby sings all the time she's so happy."

Then the Colonel nodded to and fro, murmuring,

"Ah, my poor boy! my poor Baby!—bad, bad, bad."

Then he wiped his eyes, and picked up a blue writing that was lying on the bed, and handed it Tiny, saying,

"It's all in there, my poor boy—all in there. Wead it yourself. I wouldn't have it otherwise for the world. Still it's wather a shock—that's all: especially for you and my little Marwy."

Then Tiny took the writing to the dusty sunbeam that lit the loft through a crack in the thatch.

And the writing was in a great blob hand that Tiny knew well; and it went,

Move to-day, u and the Redgement, and any more u like, to another Fort if u can find one. Why? Because I order you—I am

The Right Honorary St Jack-Assquire,
Own blud brudder to George,
Commander-in-Chief at the Castle now,
And hope to be Royal King one day.

P.S.—I send u a midjut of me in my khaki with what Willie give me on my right turn. I send it u free, because to show I've got no grudge against u.... Shew it round. It shud encurudge recruutin. Send me some reports on this soon as u know.

Then as Tiny read it through for the second time, the Colonel said from the bed,

"Wather wude—ain't it'?" And he sniffed a bit. "But there! dear old St Jacky! I can't help loving the chap—he is so very stwaight."

All the same his mouth began to go, and he went on rather gaspy,

"I don't mind for myself. It's my little Marwy. Her mother's buried here. I think it will bweak her h-h-heart." And one tear went. "And it means a move for you too, poor fellow. Cosy Cottage goes with the Fort, you know."

And he dabbed and went on,

"I wonder what it all means."

Then Tiny, who was rather white, answered,

"It means spite, Sir," and he told the Colonel about the Commander-in-Chief's great ambition, and his attempt on Goliath by night, and his toe, and so on etc.: for they had not told the Colonel before, because they always kept from him anything that would give him pain.

And when he heard that, he said,

"I'm disappointed in St Jack—vewy disappointed. I thought he was a gweat man," for he always took everybody at their own opinion of themselves, which was very sweet and simple of him.

But Tiny tore the writing into little bits, and put them on the fire; so that it was like hell for the bits.

And he said to himself out loud,

"Debbel-debbel-damb-damb," which he knew quite well he shouldn't.

Then he ran across the floor pitter-pat; and down the ladder to the bottom, bump; and across the square patter-pit; screaming,

"I don't care! I will say!—Debbel-debbel-damb-damb."

So Tiny ran out of the Fort to tell Baby they must move out of Cosy Cottage at once, quickly this minute.

And a little woolly white dog came out after him in a great state, and stood on four legs, and barked till it shook.

But Tiny only ran on like lead.

So the little woolly white dog pretended he'd driven him off, and walked across the road and back very stiff on his toes, to try to take the cat in. But the cat just sat on the wall, and blinked instead.

Then Tiny pounded down the hill with his heart in his heels.

And the hedges on either side looked like crawly purple caterpillars with grey-green leper splotches where the privet grew; and a plump little wren flitted in and out before him as he ran, mocking; while the Pond on the Common beneath winked each time the wind blew, like a leering great eye.

And Tiny loathed them all.

So he ran across the little Bridge, and round the Wood, where the beeches flushed among the grey of the ashes, and across the Common among the gorse, till he came to Cosy Cottage.

And the sun shone on it; and the sparrows chirped in the creepers; and mannikin sang in the boot-hole at the back; and Phyllis was at the door polishing the knocker; and even the Others were leaning out of upstairs, pretending with dusters, while they tried to carry on with the King, who was cleaning the Castle-window round the corner; while the Queen scowled from the wash-tub.

And when Tiny saw all that, and remembered Baby singing so happy that morning, his heart stopped dead. And he stood with his hand on the gate, and just looked.

Then the door burst open, and out rushed Baby in an apron, with a scream and a scurry, yelling,

"O, Tiny! what do you think?"

But Tiny only answered quite dull and dead,

"What?"

So Baby cried,

"The Commander-in-Chief's been to call!—And hee came disguised as a parson—only he forgot about his cocked hat, which he was wearing. So of course I found him out, and roared. And when he saw he was discovered, he looked rather silly at first. Then he cheered up, and said it was all a joke done to amuse me. And really he was so sweet and smiling—you can't think. He bowed up and down in the door, and said he'd come to ask if I was happy in my little home, for that was all he cared about; and there were quite tears in his eyes. And when I said I should just think I was, he seemed delighted—honestly. Wasn't that nice of him?"

DISGUISED AS A PARSON

And she hopped on the path, her hand upon Tiny's arm, and her hair all splendid and babbled on,

"So of course I asked him in, and showed him over, and all my improvements and that. And he rubbed his hands and chuckled, and said how cosy and comfie, and hoped I should live to enjoy it as long as I liked. And after that he asked how mannikin was getting on, and if he might see him, and said that was really why he came, and the reason of his disguise. So I took him myself. And he gave him quite a nice little talking to on being good and not spiteful and that; and said if he didn't try to escape perhaps the King would let him out some day. But mannikin behaved shockingly and cuddled away in the corner, nibbling his nut, and giggled till I was really quite ashamed."

And when Baby remembered that, and the Commander-in-Chief standing in the door of the boot-hole in his parson's clothes and cocked hat talking pi, she laughed like anything.

But Tiny just said nothing.

So Baby babbled on,

"And after that he shook hands, and said he could feel happy about me now—Wasn't it nice of him? And he took off his cocked hat, and went down the road, whistling. So you see he's quite a reformed character." And she laid her hand on Tiny's arm, and twinkled up at him, and said slowly,

"I—almost—wish——"

Then she looked in her pocket, and cried,

"But O! I forgot. I was to give this writing to Captain Tiny with his dear love. So you see, Tiny, he can forgive."

But Tiny said nothing, and took the writing.

And it was in pencil on some greasy paper that had folded a dead fish: for St Jack was good at insults if he was good at nothing else.

And the writing ran,

I paid u one for your snuk. This pays u for your share in Goliuf. And I will pay u one more yet because I love u so.

How?

Ha!

SAINT JACK.

P.S.—I have got orders from the King to burn down Cosy Cottage before night, because I told him it had been lived in by swines, who had had swine-fever. So clear out at once or sooner.

Then Tiny wound round Baby, and walked her up and down in the road under the yew-hedge, where nobody could see, only Methuselah, who didn't matter, and told her all about it very tenderly.

And when Baby heard that, she went quite pale, and leaned on Tiny, so that he wound round very tight indeed.

But all she said was,

"Pooh! move to another Fort!—what's it matter?—means a change of house—that's all."

Only when she got back to the garden, and saw her little home so cosy under creepers, and the two windows in front so neat and nice, with tiny white curtains with waists that she'd put up herself that morning, and the one behind, with nothing yet, but soon would have, and everybody so busy and happy and good, she did blink a bit.

And when Tiny saw that, he said in her ear,

"You poor old duck, you!"

But Baby just hopped and cried,

"Pah!—I hate this little dog-hole. Not enough room to swing a cat in. Thankful to be shut of it."

All the same she let go Tiny's arm and ran quickly. And when she got into her dear little parlour that she'd arranged so cosy and stuffy and huggy-warm and tight up to the top with things, and Tiny's big chair one side the hearth where he was to have learned up E in the evenings, and her little one on the other side where she was to have heard him say it, she locked the door and sat down and began.

Then Tiny came up outside.

And when he heard what was going on inside, he tried hard to get in.

But Baby wouldn't let him.

So Tiny whispered with his mouth, close to the crack,

"O, Baby, d'you forgive for this morning?"

Then Baby came to the door, and undid a bit, and shoved her little finger through.

So Tiny took it, and said, all sobby,

"Best and booflest!—Gobbless. Gobbless. Gobbless. Amen. Amen. Amen. No more now. See you again some day. Bye. Goobye."

And he ran out.

Then as the clock struck twelve the Colonel marched out of the Fort, with little Marwy, the regimental baa-lamb, on a string, and his sword drawn, saying,

"Left-right! left-right!"

And behind him came the Fellows saying in a sort of chorus,

"Left-right! left-right!"

And behind the Fellows came old Goly and the Boy, drawing the great cannon: which was really what Goly was for, only they used him for rides instead.

And as they passed the Wood, the Commander-in-Chief sat on a gate, with his cocked hat on the back of his head and said to himself out loud,

"And if they don't find a Fort then that proves they're no soldiers. So out of the Country they go for shams. And if they do, then I come and plough the lot in E. So guess I've got um either way."

And he threw his legs about and laughed.

But the Colonel walked on without a word: for he was grieved about the Commander-in-Chief.

Then Tiny came by.

And when the Commander-in-Chief saw him, he pointed his finger, and laughed till he had to wipe his eyes, rocking to and fro, and crying,

"O dear! O dear! O dear!—Souse me, won't you?—It does make me laff so—you and Baby all settled in so cosy and comfie in your little home, and now turned out, and got to find a new house before night or leave the Country. E! E! E! Master Tiny! E! E! E!"

But Tiny marched on quite brave and steady: for he was true to Baby, and what she had taught him; which was Love.

Then St Jack laughed so that at last he toppled off the gate backwards on to his cocked hat, and bashed it.

But he pulled himself together, and scrambled on his knees, and pelted stones at Goliath's back-view, which he couldn't help hitting, and yelled,

"Fat beast! I'll have my ride yet, you'll see."

But Goly did nothing, only went with a whisky tail: for old Goly knew about discipline. Only he stored it up in his memory for the future all the same.

Then the Regiment marched on across the Common, only stopping to pat Methuselah under the thorn for the last time.

THEN THE REGIMENT MARCHED ON

But as they were passing by the old yew, little Marwy baaed, and tugged away towards her mother's grave; where the clover grew.

Then the Colonel stooped, swallowing his throat. And he picked her up in his arms, and marched on without a word.

And they went down a rutty lane that seemed to have no turning, until by good luck they came to a Fort in a Hole at the bottom.

And when the Colonel saw that, he said,

"What about in here?" for he knew it didn't matter where they went, so long as they went somewhere. For the Commander-in-Chief was like a lot more, he had only one idea, which was to give trouble.

So the Colonel walked across the drawbridge with little Marwy in his arms, and banged with his sword-hilt.

And when nobody came, he peeped in.

And it was all empty inside, only for a lot of weeds, and an old speckled seagull with a dagger-beak, limping up and down the barrack-square.

And when the Colonel saw the gull, his eyes shone, and he said,

"This'll do. Come on," and he put down little Marwy, and trotted in; and the Fellows followed with Goliath and the great cannon rumbling over the draw-bridge behind.

Then the Fellows set the cannon up with its nose over the wall; for it was a low wall; and the Fort was in a Hole. So when they fired the cannon off to see if it was all all right, the ball only hit the mud-bank that ran round, and bounded back and took the yellow one's wind rather; which cheered Tiny up a bit.

But, as the big brown captain said, when he saw the cannon wouldn't shoot over the bank, it didn't really matter much: for it was the noise that kept Them down, supposing They were there.

And while the Fellows rubbed the yellow one, the Colonel ran and made friends with the gull.

But Tiny went apart, and wrote a writing on his cuff, and sent it by Cooey to Baby.

And the writing ran,

Found a Fort in a Hole come quicks-you-can by Puck and get a house near by to put things in.—TINY.

And when Baby got the writing, she led out Puck from the shed, and put him in the little cart, while Phyllis held the shafts, and mannikin screamed a lot of orders through the crack of the boot-hole: for mannikin was like Tiny, and wanted everybody to think he was horsey.

But Baby and Phyllis paid no heed, and just did up the band instead, while Puck tried to bite them, which was a very favourite thing of Puck's.

Then they put the things under the seat, and Baby got in, with mannikin and the Junior Subaltern on the back-seat: for the Colonel had left the Junior Subaltern behind to sweep up; which was always his little job.

Then Baby took the reins, and tugged, and Puck went off at a run-away patter; while Phyllis walked, and the Others trailed behind on high heels.

And it was Winter by now. And Baby always said she liked Winter best, for the same reason as Autumn.

And the roads were good with frost; and Puck's feet rang as he pattered; and the robins sat about and sang; and there were red berries on the holly, and apples to chew, so Baby chewed them as she drove.

Only there were no houses near the Hole to be found, which made it rather difficult for Baby to find one. But Baby wouldn't be beat, because she didn't believe in it.

So she drove round and round the rim of the Hole all day looking.

And when ever they came to the corner of the road there was the Commander-in-Chief sitting on a mud-heap, reading up out of a great book.

And each time they came round he jumped up, and took off his cocked hat very courteously, saying,

"And have you found a house yet, Mrs. Tiny?"

And each time Baby smiled back and answered,

"Almost nearly quite, thank-you."

Then the Commander-in-Chief cooed,

"So glad," and went back to his book with a little snigger.

But Baby flicked up Puck and drove on.

Then towards evening she came to a white house with windows under an elm with rooks.

And when Baby heard the rooks, one tear went, for it made her think of her home in the Hall several miles off.

And when the Junior Subaltern saw Baby's tear go, his tear went too: for his heart was pretty juicy still.

So Baby pulled up Puck, while mannikin ran to his head to show he knew all about it.

Then Baby looked over the gate, and said, rather trembly,

"Why not this?"

So the Junior Subaltern glanced over his shoulder, and whispered,

"Cause you can't," and pointed to a great notice-board in the garden that said in huge letters,

GO AWAY.

But Baby cheered up and cocked her nose, and said to show him,

"Can't I, Boy? Can," and she whipped up Puck, and nearly ran over mannikin, and went up the drive under the elms in the dusk.

But the Junior Subaltern did what the notice-board told him, and jumped off, and ran away down to the Fort in the Hole, as hard as his little legs would carry him.

And there they spanked him for being out after dark.

But Baby drew up at the white house, and ran up the steps, and peeped into the drawing-room, where tea was, and smiled in, and said,

"May we have your house, please, Tiny and me?"

Then the old lady put down the teapot, and said very graciously,

"Why should you, my dear?"

So Baby thought for a long time with her nose in the door, and said at last,

"Only because I like its looks."

Then the old lady, who was a very beautiful character, and great on giving up things, said very smilingly,

"Then there's no more to be said."

And she got up and said to her daughter,

"Come, my dear."

So they went out, while Baby held the door for them.

And when they got outside they remembered they were relations of the King's. So they tramped across to the Castle, and stayed there.

And when they were quite gone, Baby went in, and bagged a postage-stamp out of their box, and wrote on the back of it in large great letters,

LET
by
BABY,

and stuck it in the window to show everybody: for when Baby had done a thing, she liked everybody to know about it.

Then she tore out to Phyllis and the Others who were coming up the drive, crying,

"O don't I manage well!" for Baby really thought there was nobody in the whole world managed like she did.

Only when she got outside she saw the Commander-in-Chief sitting on the lawn in the moon, reading up out of the great book.

So she steadied herself and walked across to him.

But the Commander-in-Chief stayed deep in his book, and waved away with his hand, saying in a squeaky voice,

"'Scuse me, won't you!—Truth is I have to examine pore Captain Tiny and the others in E about to-morrow. Only hope they'll pass—that's all; because if they don't they'll have to leave the country."

But Baby stood before him in the moon and said, very grave and sad,

"You haven't been very loving, have you, Jacky?"

Then the Commander-in-Chief read on all the harder.

But Baby said, very low and quiet,

"Have you, Jacky?"

Then the Commander-in-Chief shut the book snap, and got up quick, and walked away with his shoulders rather high.

Book VII headpiece