DIARY.—REFLECTIONS.—SICKNESS.—LETTER PROM REV. DR. SHARP.—CORRESPONDENCE.
On the first of January, 1850, Mr. Lawrence, as usual, reviews, in his property-book, the state of his affairs during the preceding year, with an estimate of his expenditures. The entry for the present year is as follows:
"The amount of my expenditures for all objects (taxes included) is about one hundred and twenty thousand dollars. I consider the money well spent, and pray God constantly that I may be watchful in the use of the blessings he bestows, so that at last he may admit me among the faithful that surround his throne."
The above entry will give some idea of the fidelity with which his trusts had been fulfilled, so far as regarded his worldly possessions. Each year, as it rolled by, as well as each successive attack of illness, seemed only to stimulate him in his efforts to accomplish what he could while the day lasted. No anxious fears disturbed him as he looked forward to the near approach of "that night when no man can work." That night to him was but a prelude of rest from bodily weakness and suffering, and the forerunner of a brighter day, of which, even in this world, he was sometimes permitted to obtain a glimpse. He says:
"My own health and strength seem renewed. That cholera attack has changed the whole man; and it is only now and then I am brought to a pause that quickens me in my work when again started. A week since, I ventured on two ounces of solid food for my dinner, differing from what I have taken for many years. Nine hours after, in my sleep, I fainted, and was brought to life by dear N. standing over me, giving ammonia, rubbing, and the like. Fasting the day following brought me back to the usual vigor and enjoyments. Do you not see in this the sentence, 'Do with thy might what thy hand findeth to do,' stereotyped in large letters before me. This it is that brings me to the work at this hour in the morning."
"March 24.—Received a letter from Rev. Mr. Hallock, Secretary of the American Tract Society, saying that the Society will publish Dr. Hamilton's lecture on the literary attractions of the Bible, which I had sent them a few weeks since; and will supply me with two thousand copies, as I requested.
"Received also, this morning, another tract of Dr. H. from sister K., in London; called the 'Happy Home,' which finished that series to the working people. After reading this number, I feel a strong desire to see the preceding nine numbers."
(TO THE REV. JAMES HAMILTON, D.D.)
"Boston, March 24, 1850.
"Rev. and dear Sir: I need not repeat to you how deeply interesting all your writings which I have seen have been to me; but you may not feel indifferent to the fact that the lecture you delivered four months ago, on the literary attractions of the Bible (which I received from my sister, Mrs. Abbott Lawrence, a few weeks since), is now in process of republication by the American Tract Society, agreeably to my request. I hope to assist in scattering it broadcast over our broad land; and thus you will be speaking from your own desk, with the speed of light, to an audience from Passamaquoddy to Oregon. Will you do me the favor to give me a copy of 'Happy Home,' from which I may teach my children and grandchildren.
"Respectfully your friend, and brother in Christ,
"Amos Lawrence."
(TO A COUNTRY CLERGYMAN (ORTHODOX CONGREGATIONAL).)
"Boston, May 16, 1850.
"Rev. and dear Sir: I make no apology in asking your acceptance of the above, as I am quite sure it cannot come amiss to a poor clergyman, situated as you are. I pray that you will feel, in using it, you cheer my labors, and make me more happy while I am able to enjoy life, in thus sending an occasional remembrancer to one for whom I have always felt the highest respect and esteem.
Your friend,
"Amos Lawrence."
The above letter contained a draft for one hundred dollars, of which Mr. Lawrence makes the following memorandum, dated on the 18th:
"Mr. —— acknowledges the above letter in very grateful terms, being what his pressing wants require."
In a letter to President Hopkins, dated June 22, Mr. Lawrence says:
"If I cannot visit you bodily, as I had vainly hoped to do, I can convince you that the life and hope of younger days are still in me. Your parting word touched me to the quick, and I cannot repeat or read it without a sympathetic tear filling my own eye. I am not able to stand up; but am cheered by the hope that, before many weeks, I may be able to stand alone. Our good friend Governor Briggs called to see me this week, and was quite horrified to see me trundled about on a hospital chair; however, after a good talk, he concluded that what was cut off from the lower works was added to the upper, and the account in my favor. It has always been so with me; the dark places have been made clear at the right time; so I am no object of pity."
The lameness here mentioned was caused by a slight sprain of the ankle, but was followed by great prostration of the bodily strength, and a feeble state of all the functions, resulting in that vitiated state of the blood called by physicians "purpura." Violent hemorrhages from the nose succeeded; and these, with the intense heat of the weather, so reduced his strength, that the only hope of recovery seemed to be in removing him from the city to the bracing air of the sea-shore. Towards the end of July, he was accordingly removed upon a mattress to the house of his son, at Nahant; and, from the moment he came within the influence of the fresh sea-breeze, he began to recover his spirits and his strength. A day or two after reaching Nahant, he received from his friend, the Rev. Dr. Sharp, the following letter, which is so characteristic, and reminds one so forcibly of the calm and staid manner of that venerable man, that it is given entire:
"Boston, July 30, 1850.
"My very dear Friend: It was with deep regret I learned, on Friday last, that you were quite unwell, and at Nahant. It was in my mind yesterday morning to visit you; nothing prevented me but an apprehension that it might be deemed inexpedient to admit any one to your sick room, except your own family. But, although I have not seen you in person since your last sickness, yet I have been with you in spirit. I have felt exceedingly sad at the probability of your earthly departure. Seldom as we have seen each other, your friendship has been precious to me; and, to say nothing of your dear family, your continuance in life is of great importance to that large family of humanity, the poor, who have so often participated in your bounty. Indeed, as we cannot well spare you, I rather cherish the hope that, in his good providence, God will continue you to us a little longer. But, whatever may be the issue of your present illness, I trust that you, with all your friends, will be enabled to say, 'The will of the Lord be done.' If he 'lives the longest who answers life's great end,' your life, compared with most, has not been short. Not that any of us have done more than our duty. Nay, we have all come short, and may say, with all modesty and truthfulness, we are unprofitable servants; although, in some respects, and to our fellow-beings, we may have been profitable. I trust, my dear friend, you are looking for the mercy of God, through our Lord Jesus Christ, unto eternal life. Death is not an eternal sleep; no, it is the gate to life. It opens up a blessed immortality to all who, in this world, have feared God and wrought righteousness. This world is a probationary state; if we have been faithful, in some humble degree, to our convictions of duty; if we have regretted our follies and sins; if we have sought to do the will of our heavenly Father, and sought forgiveness through the mediation of his Son,—God will receive us to his heavenly glory. I believe, in his own good time, he will receive you, my very dear friend; although my prayer is, with submission, that he will restore you to comfortable health, and allow you to remain with us a little longer. May God be with you, and bless you, in life, in death, and forevermore! With most respectful regard to Mrs. L., and sympathy with you in your afflictions, in which my dear wife joins,
I am truly yours,
Daniel Sharp."
From Little Nahant, Mr. Lawrence writes to a friend, under date of Aug. 16:
"I have just arisen from bed, and am full of the matter to tell you how much good your letter has done. I came here as the last remedy for a sinking man; and, blessed be God, it promises me renewed life and enjoyment. What is it for, that I am thus saved in life, as by a miracle? Surely it must be in mercy, to finish out my work begun (in your college and other places), yet unfinished. Pray, give us what time you can when you visit Andover. If I continue to improve as I have done for ten days, I hope to return home next week; but may have some drawback that will alter the whole aspect of affairs. This beautiful Little Nahant seems to have been purchased, built up, and provided, by the good influence of our merciful Father in heaven upon the heart of ——, that he might save me from death, when it was made certain I could not hold out many days longer. Surely I am called on by angel voices to render praise to God."
The five weeks' residence upon the sea-shore was greatly enjoyed by Mr. Lawrence. As the weather was generally fine, much of his time was passed in the open air, in watching the ever-varying sea-views, in reading, or in receiving the visits of his friends. Near the end of August, his health and strength had become so far restored as to warrant his return to the city, and, as his memoranda show, to increased efforts in the field of charity.