JOURNEY TO NEW HAMPSHIRE.—LETTERS.—RESIGNS OFFICE OF TRUSTEE AT HOSPITAL.—LETTERS.
A few days after the date of the preceding letter, a change was thought desirable for the improvement of Mr. Lawrence's health; and he accordingly, with Mrs. L., went to Portsmouth, New Hampshire, and remained a week with his friend and brother-in-law, the late Hon. Jeremiah Mason. From thence he proceeded to visit friends in Amherst, New Hampshire, where he was attacked by a severe rheumatic fever, which confined him for several weeks; and it was with great difficulty that he succeeded in reaching home about the 20th of September, after an absence of nearly two months. On the 27th of September, he writes to his son:
"It is only within a few days that I have been able to be removed to my own house. I am now able to walk my chamber, and sit up half the day; and, by the best care in the world, I have a fair hope of again enjoying so much health as to feel that I may yet be of some use in the world. My bodily sufferings have been great during this last sickness; but my mind in general has been quiet. I seem to want nothing which this world can give to make me an enviably happy man, but your presence and a return of my health; but these last are wisely withheld. We are apt, in the abundance of the gift, to lose the recollection whence it came, and feel that by our own power we can go forward. Happy for us that we are thus made to feel that all we have is from God; this recurrence to the Source of all our blessings makes us better men. I do not expect to be able to leave the house before the next spring; and, in the mean time, must be subject to the casualties incident to a person in my situation."
On October 29, Mr. Lawrence, in a letter to the same son, expresses his gratitude for the enjoyment of life, "even in a sick chamber, as mine must be termed."
"I receive my friends here, and once only have walked abroad for a few minutes. I drive in a carriage every pleasant day, and I can truly say that my days pass in the full enjoyment of more than the average of comfort. 'My mind is as easy as it ever is, and as active as is safe for the body. I employed myself yesterday in looking over your letters since you left home three years ago, and was reminded by them that the fourth year of your absence has just commenced. Although a brief space since it is passed, an equal time, if we look forward, appears to be far distant. The question you will naturally ask yourself is, How has the time been spent? and from the answer you may gather much instruction for the future. If you have made the best use of this period, happy is it for you, as the habit of the useful application of your time will make its continuance more natural and easy. If you have misused and abused your opportunities, there is not a moment to be lost in retracing your steps, and making good, by future effort, what has been lost by want of it. In short, we can none of us know that a future will be allowed us to amend and to correct our previous misdoings and omissions; and it is not less the part of wisdom than of duty to be always up and doing, that whenever our Master comes we may be ready. I never was made so sensible before of the power of the mind over the body. It is a matter of surprise to some of my friends, who have known my constant habits of business for a quarter of a century, that I can find so much comfort and quiet in the confinement of my house, when I feel so well, and there are so many calls for my labors abroad. I hope to pursue such a discreet course as shall allow me to come forth in the spring with my poor frame so far renovated and restored as to enable me to take my place among the active laborers of the day, and do what little I may for the advancement and well-being of my generation. If, however, I should, by any accident or exposure, be again brought to a bed of pain and suffering, may God grant me a patient and submissive temper to bear whatever may be put upon me, with a full conviction that such chastisements will tend to my good, if I make a right use of them!"
The first of January, 1832, found Mr. Lawrence confined to his sick room, and unable, from bodily weakness, to drive out in the open air, as he had hitherto done. He writes to his son:
"I am reminded, by the new year, that another portion of time has passed, by which we are accustomed to measure in prospect the space that is allotted us here; and the reflections at the close of the old and the commencement of the new year are calculated, if we do not cheat ourselves, to make us better than we otherwise should be. I am enjoying myself highly under the close confinement of two parlor chambers, from which I have only travelled into the entry since November. I have lived pretty much as other prisoners of a different character live, as regards food; namely, on bread and water, or bread and coffee or cocoa. I have come to the conclusion that the man who lives on bread and water, if he have enough, is the genuine epicure, according to the original and true meaning. I am favored with the visits of more pretty and interesting ladies than any layman in the city, I believe. My rooms are quite a resort; and, old fellow as I am, I have the vanity to suppose I render myself quite agreeable to them."
On the same day, in a letter of sympathy to his sister-in-law, whose invalid son was about to leave for a long voyage, he writes:
"While my family are all absent at church, I am sitting alone, my mind going back to the beginning of the year just ended and forward through that just commenced; and, in view of both periods, I can see nothing but the unbounded goodness of our heavenly Father and best friend, in all that has been taken from me, as well as in all that is left to me. I can say, with sincerity, that I never have had so much to call forth my warmest and deepest gratitude for favors bestowed as at the present time. Among my sources of happiness is a settled conviction that, in chastening his children, God desires their good; and if his chastisements are thus viewed, we cannot receive them in any other light than as manifestations of his fatherly care and kindness. Although, at times, 'clouds and darkness are round about him,' we do certainly know, by the words of inspiration, 'that justice and judgment are the habitation of his throne,' and goodness and mercy the attributes of his character; and if it should please him further to try me with disease during the period of my probation, my prayer to him is that my mind and heart may remain stayed on him, and that I may practically illustrate those words of our blessed Saviour, 'Not my will, but thine be done.' It is quite possible that there may still be a few years of probation for me; but it is more probable that I may not remain here to the close of the present; but whether I remain longer or shorter is of little consequence, compared with the preparation or the dress in which I may be found when called away. It has seemed to me that the habit of mind we cultivate here will be that which will abide with us hereafter; and that heaven is as truly begun here as that the affections which make us love our friends grow stronger by use, and improve by cultivation. We are here in our infancy; the feelings cherished at this period grow with our growth, and, in the progress of time, will fit us for the highest enjoyments of the most distant future. I say, then, what sources of happiness are open to us, not only for the present, but for all future time! These hasty remarks are elicited on occasion of the separation so soon to take place from your son. I know full well the anxieties of a parent on such an occasion.
"His health cannot, of course, be certainly predicted; but you will have the comfort of knowing that you have done everything that the fondest parents could do in this particular, whatever effect the absence may have upon him.
"—— should feel that his obligations are increased, with his means and opportunities for improvement. If by travel he acquire a better education, and can make himself more useful on his return, he can no more divest himself of his increased duties, than he can divest himself of his duty to be honest. The account is to be rendered for the use of the talents, whether they be ten, or five, or one. If I have opportunity, I shall write a few lines to —— before he leaves. If I should not, I desire him to feel that I have great affection for him, and deep interest in his progress, and an ardent hope that his health, improvement, and knowledge, may be commensurate with the rare advantages he will enjoy for the acquisition of all.
"I know the tender feelings of your husband on all things touching his family or friends; and perhaps I may find opportunity to speak a word of comfort to him. But I know not what more to say than to reiterate the sentiment here expressed. Nature will have its way for a time, but I hope reason will be sufficient to make that time very short. Whatever time it may be, of this I feel confident, that, after the feelings have once subsided, —— will have all the sunshine and joy which the event is calculated to produce. He cannot know until he has realized the pleasure of hearing the absent ones speak, as it were, in his ear, from a distance of three thousand miles.
"May the best blessings of the Almighty rest on you and yours! From your ever affectionate
A. L."
(TO HIS SON.)
"Sunday morning, Feb. 5, 1832.
"I have seated myself at my writing-desk, notwithstanding it is holy time, in the hope and belief that I am in the way of duty. This consecration of one day in seven to the duties of religion,—comprising, as these do, every duty,—and if they be well performed, to self-examination, is a glorious renovation of the world. Who that has witnessed the effects of this rest upon the moral and physical condition of a people, can doubt the wisdom of the appointment? Wherever we turn our eyes or our thoughts, if we only will be as honest and candid, in our estimate of the value of the provision made for us, as we ordinarily are in our estimate of the character and conduct of our fellow-men, we must be struck with admiration and gratitude to that merciful Father who has seen our wants, and provided for our comfort to an extent to which the care and provision of the best earthly parents for their children hardly gives the name of resemblance."
In speaking of some application for aid which he had received from a charitable institution, he writes to his son:
"Our people are liberally disposed, and contribute to most objects which present a fair claim to their aid. I think you will find great advantage in doing this part of your duty upon a system which you can adopt; thus, for instance, divide your expenses into ten parts, nine of which may be termed for what is considered necessary, making a liberal calculation for such as your situation would render proper, and one part applied for the promotion of objects not directly or legally claiming your support, but such as every good citizen would desire to have succeed. This, I think, you will find the most agreeable part of your expense; and, if you should be favored with an abundance of means later in life, you may enlarge your appropriations of this sort, so as to be equal to one tenth of your income. Neither yourself nor those who depend upon you will ever feel the poorer. I assume that you have plenty, in thus fixing the proportion. I believe the rule might be profitably adopted by many who have small means; for they would save more by method than they would be required to pay.
"To-morrow completes a hundred years since the birth of Washington. The day will be celebrated, from one end of the country to the other, with suitable demonstrations of respect, by processions, orations, and religious ceremonies, according to the feelings of the people who join in it. I think the spectacle will be a grand one, of a whole people brought together to commemorate the birth of one of their fellow-mortals, who by his virtues and his talents has made his memory immortal, and whose precepts and example are calculated to secure happiness to the countless millions of his fellow-beings who are to people this vast empire through all future time. It is permitted to few to have open to them such a field as Washington had; but no one since the Christian era has filled his sphere so gloriously. We are jogging along, in political, theological and commercial affairs, very much as usual."
During the month of January, Mr. Lawrence, on account of ill health, resigned his seat in the Board of Trustees of the Massachusetts General Hospital, in which he had served for several years. This duty had always been one of unmingled pleasure to him; and, by means of his visits there, and at the McLean Asylum for the Insane, under the management of the same board, he became conversant with a class of sufferers who had excited a great interest in his mind, and whom he often visited during the remainder of his life, to cheer them in their sadness, and to convey to them such little tokens of kindness as assured them of his interest and sympathy.
In a letter to his second son, at Andover, he writes, April 21:
"You will be glad to hear I have got along very well through the wet, cold weather of the week, and am looking forward with cheerful hope to the sunny days to come. If it were not for my faculty of turning present disappointments to future pleasures in prospect, I should run down in spirits. I have always indulged myself in castle-building; but have generally taken care so to build as to be in no danger of their falling on my head, so that when I have gone as far with one as is safe, if it does not promise well, I transfer my labor to another, and thus am always supplied with objects. The last one finished was commenced last May, and it is one I delight to think of. It was then I determined to get your Uncle Mason[3] here. N. thought it a castle without foundation, but the result shows otherwise.
"I send some of W.'s late letters, by which you perceive he is not idle; the thought of the dear fellow makes the tears start. God in mercy grant him a safe return, fully impressed with his obligations as a man and a Christian! That I am now living in the enjoyment of so much health, surrounded by so many blessings, is overpowering to my feelings. What shall I render unto God for all these benefits? I feel my unworthiness, and devoutly pray him that I may never lose sight of the great end of my being; and that, whenever it shall please him to call me hence, I may be found in the company of the redeemed through the merits and mediation of the Son of his love. If there is any one thing I would impress on your mind more strongly than another, it is to give good heed to the religious impressions with which you may be imbued; and, at a future day, these may prove a foundation that will support you when all other supports would fail. The youthful imagination frequently magnifies objects at a distance; experience is an able teacher, and detects, too late, perhaps, the fraud upon youth. Be wise in time, and avoid this fraud."
A few days later, he writes to the same son, on the subject of systematic charity:
"It is one of my privileges, not less than one of my duties, to be able thus to administer to the comfort of a circle of very dear friends. I hope you will one day have the delightful consciousness of using a portion of your means in a way to give you as much pleasure as I now experience. Your wants may be brought within a very moderate compass; and I hope you will never feel yourself at liberty to waste on yourself such means, as, by system and right principles, may be beneficially applied to the good of those around you. Providence has given us unerring principles to guide us in our duties of this sort. Our first duty is to those of our own household, then extending to kindred, friends, neighbors (and the term 'neighbor' may, in its broadest sense, take in the whole human family), citizens of our state, then of our country, then of the other countries of the world."
In another letter, written soon after the preceding, he speaks of certain principles of business which governed him in early life, and adds:
"The secret of the whole matter was, that we had formed the habit of promptly acting, thus taking the top of the tide; while the habit of some others was to delay until about half-tide, thus getting on the flats; while we were all the time prepared for action, and ready to put into any port that promised well. I wish, by all these remarks, to impress upon you the necessity of qualifying yourself to support yourself. The best education that I can secure shall be yours, and such facilities for usefulness as may be in my power shall be rendered; but no food to pamper idleness or wickedness will I ever supply willingly to any connection, however near. I trust I have none who will ever misuse so basely anything that may come to them as a blessing. This letter, you may think, has an undue proportion of advice. 'Line upon line, precept upon precept,' is recommended by one wiser than I am."
(TO HIS DAUGHTER.)
"Sunday morn.
"My dear Daughter: In the quiet of this morning, my mind naturally rests on those objects nearest and dearest to me; and you, my child, are among the first.
"The family are all at church, but the weather is not such as to permit my going; and the season by them employed in the service of the sanctuary will by me be employed in communicating with you.
"You have now arrived at an age when the mind and heart are most susceptible of impressions for weal or woe; and the direction which may be given to them is what no parent can view with indifference, or pass over without incurring the guilt of being unfaithful in his duties. My earnest desire for you is, that you may fully appreciate your opportunities and responsibilities, and so use them that you may acquire a reasonable hope that you may secure the object for which we are placed here. The probation is short, but long enough to do all that is required of us, if faithfully used; the consequences are never-ending.
"These simple views are such as any child of your age can comprehend, and should be made as familiar to your mind as the every-day duties of life. If the mind, from early days, be thus accustomed to look upon life as a school of preparation for higher services, then the changes and adversities to which we are all liable can only be viewed as necessary discipline to fit us for those higher services, and as such be considered as applied for our good, however painful they may seem at first. There is no truth better settled than this: that all the discipline of our heavenly Parent, if rightly used, will eventuate in our good. How, then, can we murmur and repine at his dealings with us? This conduct only shows our weakness and folly, and illustrates the better care of us than we should take of ourselves.
"We are in the condition of the sick man, who sometimes craves that which, if given him by his friend, would cause his certain death; but he is not aware at the time that it is withheld for his good. The importance, then, of cultivating a right understanding of the things of which our duties and our happiness are composed, is second to no object which can employ the mind; for, with this knowledge, we must suppose that no one can be so lost to his own interest as not to feel that in the performance of these duties is to result the possession of those riches which are promised to the faithful by our Father in heaven, through the Son of his love. In the preparation which awaits you, do not stop at the things which are seen, but look to those which are unseen. These views, perhaps, may be profitably pondered long after I have been gathered to my fathers.
"The tenure of my life seems very frail; still it may continue longer than the lives of my children; but, whenever it shall please God to call me hence, I hope to feel resigned to his will, and to leave behind me such an influence as shall help forward the timid and faint-hearted in the path of duty; and particularly on you, my child, do I urge these views. They debar you from no real or reasonable pleasure; they speak to you, in strong language, to enjoy all those blessings which a bountiful Parent has scattered in your path with unsparing plenty, and admonish you that to enjoy is not to abuse them; when abused, they cease to be enjoyed."