How to be a Favorite with the Opposite Sex.
It will be observed that when a young man first finds himself in the company of the fair sex he is seldom free from a degree of bashfulness, which renders him peculiarly awkward, and he scarcely knows what he is doing or saying, and I have known many such to commit errors that were truly laughable.
Gentlemen will, on every suitable occasion, offer civilities to ladies of their acquaintance, especially to those for whom they may have a particular attachment. A gentleman meeting a lady is struck with her appearance, and wishes to become better acquainted. Now, before making any advances, you should find out from some friend whether she is engaged, or if any gentleman is paying particular attention to her—this might save you much future trouble.
Finding she is not thus circumstanced, you call her by name, and say, “Would it be agreeable to you for us to cultivate a more intimate acquaintance?” You need not say it in a tone as serious as if you were going to a funeral; but in a light, easy, peaceful way, as though half in fun. You must not feel disappointed if she tells you such words as, “Well, we will see about it,” or “Some other time we will talk it over.” Something in this style will not be out of place, for she may not be expecting anything of the kind and does not wish to give too prompt an answer. If on any certain occasion you ask a lady for her company, and she should say that she is engaged, do not think anything strange of it, for such may be the case; and you must never let a lady see that you feel disappointed at any time about such matters.
Gentlemen too often make themselves fools about ladies or a certain lady, and the consequence is the ladies have their own fun laughing at them. Never make yourself a fool for any lady, for it [won’t] pay.
It is too often the case that young men amuse themselves by playing with the feelings of young ladies. They visit them often, they walk with them, pay them divers attentions, and after giving them an idea that they are attached to them, they either leave them, or, what is worse, never come to an explanation of their sentiments. This is nothing less than acting the scoundrel; it is truly dastardly—infamous. This has been the cause of many a young and warm-hearted girl pining away by inches, to fill a premature grave.
Young ladies should never thus allow themselves to be trifled with. When a gentleman pays you attentions for a length of time without giving you to understand what he wants—make him come to the point, do not be backward, or it may be your ruin.
Very often you can bring a young man to the point by getting a little careless when he comes to see you. You must appear to be more interested in something else. This will make him feel very uneasy, I can assure you, if he loves you any, and if he don’t love you he has no right to be acting so, for this simple fact may keep some other young man from courting who would make a better husband. This is common sense, and you should bear it in mind. If this does not bring him to the point, you can take your chance, and tell him that a proper respect for yourself compels you to ask him his object in visiting you. Tell him that your friends and his are talking about it, and that it is time you had an understanding.
Never marry unless you love, and are loved in return; for without love no happiness, and love that comes not before marriage comes not in a lifetime. It is not right to give an immediate answer when your hand is solicited in marriage. You should tell the gentleman that you had not been expecting a proposition of the kind, and wish a little time to study the matter over, and that you will give him an answer by some stated time, which you can mention. This will make the affair more interesting to all parties. In the meantime ask your parents their opinion on the subject.
When the appointed time comes be certain you have your answer ready, or else he might think you were coquetting him.