DEGREES OF SENTIMENTAL ATTACHMENT AT DIFFERENT PERIODS.
In the earlier ages, sentiment in love does not appear to have been much attended to. When Abraham sent his servant to court a bride for his son Isaac, we do not so much as hear that Isaac was consulted on the matter: nor is there even a suspicion, that he might refuse or dislike the wife which his father had selected for him.
From the manner in which Rebecca was solicited, we learn, that women were not then courted in person by the lover, but by a proxy, whom he, or his parents, deputed in his stead. We likewise see, that this proxy did not, as in modern times, endeavor to gain the affection of the lady he was sent to, by enlarging on the personal properties, and mental qualifications of the lover; but by the richness and magnificence [p93] of the presents he made to her and her relations.
Presents have been, from the earliest ages, and are to this day, the mode of transacting all kinds of business in the east. When a favor is to be asked of a superior, one cannot hope to obtain it without a present. Courtship, therefore, having been anciently transacted in this manner, it is plain, that it was only considered in the same light as any other negotiable business, and not as a matter of sentiment, and of the heart.
In the courtship, however, or rather purchase of a wife by Jacob, we meet with something like sentiment; for when he found that he was not possessed of money or goods, equal to the price which was set upon her, he not only condescended to purchase her by servitude, but even seemed much disappointed when the tender-eyed Leah was faithlessly imposed upon him instead of the beautiful Rachel.
The ancient Gauls, Germans, and neighboring nations of the North, had so much veneration for the sex in general, that in courtship they behaved with a spirit of gallantry, and showed a degree of sentiment, to which those who called them barbarians, never arrived. Not contented with getting possession of the person of his mistress, a northern lover could not be satisfied without the sincere affection of her heart; nor was his mistress ever to be gained but by such methods as plainly indicated to her the tenderest attachment from the most deserving man.
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The women of Scandinavia were not to be courted but by the most assiduous attendance, seconded by such warlike achievements as the custom of the country had rendered necessary to make a man deserving of his mistress. On these accounts, we frequently find a lover accosting the object of his passion by a minute and circumstantial detail of his exploits, and all his accomplishments. “We fought with swords,” says King Regner, in a beautiful ode composed by himself, in memory of the deeds of his former days, “that day wherein I saw ten thousand of my foes rolling in the dust, near a promontory of England. A dew of blood distilled from our swords. The arrows which flew in search of the helmets, bellowed through the air. The pleasure of that day was truly exquisite.
“We fought with swords. A young man should march early to the conflict of arms. Man should attack man, or bravely resist him. In this hath always consisted the nobility of the warrior. He who aspires to the love of his mistress, ought to be dauntless in the clash of swords.”
The descendants of the northern nations, long after they had plundered and repeopled the greatest part of Europe, retained nearly the same ideas of love, and practised the same methods in declaring it, that they had imbibed from their ancestors. “Love,” says William of Montagnogout, “engages to the most amiable conduct. Love inspires the greatest actions. Love has no will but that of the object beloved, nor seeks [p95] any thing but what will augment her glory. You cannot love, nor ought to be beloved, if you ask any thing that virtue condemns. Never did I form a wish that could wound the heart of my beloved, nor delight in a pleasure that was inconsistent with her delicacy.”
The method of addressing females, among some of the tribes of American Indians, is the most simple that can possibly be devised. When the lover goes to visit his mistress, he only begs leave, by signs, to enter her hut. After obtaining this, he goes in, and sits down by her in the most respectful silence. If she suffers him to remain there without interruption, her doing so is consenting to his suit. If, however, the lover has any thing given him to eat and drink, it is a refusal; though the woman is obliged to sit by him until he has finished his repast. He then retires in silence.
In Canada, courtship is not carried on with that coy reserve, and seeming secrecy, which politeness has introduced among the inhabitants of civilized nations. When a man and a woman meet, though they never saw each other before, if he is captivated by her charms, he declares his passion in the plainest manner; and she, with the same simplicity, answers, Yes, or No, without further deliberation. “That female reserve,” says an ingenious writer, [Dr Alexander,] “that seeming reluctance to enter into the married state, observable in polite countries, is the work of art, and not of nature. The history of every uncultivated people amply proves it. It tells us, [p96] that their women not only speak with freedom the sentiments of their hearts, but even blush not to have these sentiments made as public as possible.”
In Formosa, however, they differ so much from the simplicity of the Canadians, that it would be reckoned the greatest indecency in the man to declare, or in the woman to hear, a declaration of the passion of love. The lover is, therefore, obliged to depute his mother, sister, or some female relation; and from any of these the soft tale may be heard without the least offence to delicacy.
In Spain, the women had formerly no voice in disposing of themselves in matrimony. But as the empire of common sense began to extend itself, they began to claim a privilege, at least of being consulted in the choice of the partners of their lives. Many fathers and guardians, hurt by this female innovation, and puffed up with Spanish pride, still insisted on forcing their daughters to marry according to their pleasure, by means of duennas, locks, hunger, and even sometimes of poison and daggers. But as nature will revolt against every species of oppression and injustice, the ladies have for some time begun to assert their own rights. The authority of fathers and guardians begins to decline, and lovers find themselves obliged to apply to the affections of the fair, as well as to the pride and avarice of their relations.
The nightly musical serenades of mistresses by their lovers are still in use. The gallant [p97] composes some love sonnets, as expressive as he can, not only of the situation of his heart, but of every particular circumstance between him and the lady, not forgetting to lard them with the most extravagant encomiums on her beauty and merit. These he sings in the night below her window accompanied with his lute, or sometimes with a whole band of music. The more piercingly cold the air, the more the lady’s heart is supposed to be thawed with the patient sufferance of her lover, who, from night to night, frequently continues his exercises for many hours, heaving the deepest sighs, and casting the most piteous looks towards the window; at which if his goddess at last deigns to appear, and drops him a curtsey, he is superlatively paid for all his watching; but if she blesses him with a smile, he is ready to run distracted.
In Italy the manner of addressing the ladies, so far as it relates to serenading, nearly resembles that of Spain. The Italian, however, goes a step farther than the Spaniard. He endeavors to blockade the house where his fair one lives, so as to prevent the entrance of any rival. If he marries the lady who cost him all this trouble and attendance, he shuts her up for life: If not, she becomes the object of his eternal hatred, and he too frequently endeavors to revenge by poison the success of his happier rival.
In one circumstance relating to courtship, the Italians are said to be particular. They protract the time as long as possible, well knowing that even with all the little ills attending it, a period [p98] thus employed is one of the sweetest of human life.
A French lover, with the word sentiment perpetually in his mouth, seems by every action to have excluded it from his heart. He places his whole confidence in his exterior air and appearance. He dresses for his mistress, dances for her, flutters constantly about her, helps her to lay on her rouge, and to place her patches. He attends her round the whole circle of amusements, chatters to her constantly, whistles and sings, and plays the fool with her. Whatever be his station, every thing gaudy and glittering within the sphere of it is called in to his assistance, particularly splendid carriages and tawdry liveries; but if, by the help of all these, he cannot make an impression on the fair one’s heart, it costs him nothing but a few shrugs of his shoulders, two or three silly exclamations, and as many stanzas of some satirical song against her; and, as it is impossible for a Frenchman to live without an amour, he immediately betakes himself to another.
There is hardly any such thing among people of fashion as courtship. Matters are generally so ordered by parents and guardians, that to a bride and bridegroom, the day of marriage is often the second time of their meeting. In many countries, to be married in this manner would be reckoned the greatest of misfortunes. In France it is little regarded. In the fashionable world, few people are greater strangers to, or more indifferent about each other, than husband [p99] and wife; and any appearance of fondness between them, or their being seen frequently together, would infallibly make them forfeit the reputation of the ton, and be laughed at by all polite company. On this account, nothing is more common than to be acquainted with a lady without knowing her husband, or visiting the husband without ever seeing his wife.