THE STORY OF THE BARBER'S SECOND BROTHER.
My second brother, who was called Backbarah the Toothless, going one day through the city, met an old woman in an out-street, who came to him presently, and said, I want one word with you, pray stop one moment. He did so, and asked her what she would have. If you will come along with me, said she, I will bring you into a stately palace, where you shall see a lady as fair as the day. She will receive you with abundance of pleasure, and give you a treat with excellent wine. I need say no more to you. But is what you say true? replied my brother. I am no lying hussy, replied the old woman; I say nothing to you but what is true. But hark, I have something to ask of you. You must be wise, you must speak but little, and you must be mighty complaisant. Backbarah agreed to all this. The old woman went before, and he followed after. They came to the gate of a great palace, where there was a great number of officers and domestics. Some of them would have stopped my brother, but no sooner did the old woman speak to them, than they let him pass. Then turning to my brother, she said to him, You must remember that the young lady I bring you to loves good-nature and modesty, and cannot endure to be contradicted; if you please her in that, you may be sure to obtain of her what you wish. Backbarah thanked her for this advice, and promised to follow it.
She brought him into a fine apartment, which was a great square building, answerable to the magnificence of the palace. There was a gallery round it, and a very fine garden in the middle. The old woman made him sit down upon a sofa very well trimmed, and bid him stay a moment, till she went to tell the young lady of his being come.
My brother, who had never been before in such a stately palace, gazed upon the fine things that he saw; and, judging of his good fortune by the magnificence of the palace, he was scarcely able to contain himself for joy. By and by he heard a great noise, occasioned by a troop of merry slaves, who came towards him with loud fits of laughter, and in the middle of them he perceived a young lady of extraordinary beauty, who was easily known to be their mistress by the respect they paid her. Backbarah, who expected private conversation with the lady, was extremely surprised when he saw so much company with her. In the mean time, the slaves put on a grave countenance when they drew near; and when the young lady came up to the sofa, my brother rose up and made her a low bow. She took the upper-hand, prayed him to sit down, and with a smiling countenance, said to him, I am mighty glad to see you, and wish you all the happiness you can desire. Madam, replied Backbarah, I cannot desire a greater happiness than to be in your company. You seem to be of a good-humour, said she, and to have a mind that we should pass the time pleasantly together.
She forthwith commanded a collation to be brought; and immediately a table was covered with several baskets of fruit and confections. The lady sat down at the table with the slaves and my brother, and he being placed just over against her, when he opened his mouth to eat, she perceived he had no teeth; and taking notice of it to her slaves, she and they laughed at him heartily. Backbarah, from time to time, lifted up his head to look at her, and perceiving her laugh, thought it was for joy of his company, and flattered himself that she would speedily send away her slaves, and be with him alone. She judged what was his mind; and, pleasing herself to flatter him in his mistake, she gave him abundance of sweet words, and presented him the best of every thing with her own hand. The treat being done, they rose from the table, when ten slaves took musical instruments, and began to play and sing, and others went to dance. My brother, to make them sport, did likewise dance, and the lady danced with them. After they had danced some time, they sat down to take breath; and the young lady, calling for a glass of wine, looked upon my brother with a smiling countenance, to signify that she was going to drink his health. He rose up, and stood while she drank. When she had done, instead of giving back the glass, she ordered it to be filled, and presented it to my brother, that he might pledge her. My brother took the glass from the young lady's hand, which he at the same time kissed, and stood and drank to her, in acknowledgment of the favour she had done him. Then the young lady made him sit down by her, and began to caress him. She put her hand behind his head, and gave him some tips from time to time with her fingers: ravished with those favours, he thought himself the happiest man in the world, and had a great mind to toy also with the charming lady, but durst not take that liberty before so many slaves, who had their eyes upon him, and laughed at their lady's wanton tricks. The young lady continued to tip him with her fingers, but at last gave him such a sound box on the ear, that he grew angry at it; the colour came in his face, and he rose up to sit at a greater distance from such a rude play-fellow. Then the old woman who brought him thither gave him a look, to let him know he was in the wrong, and that he had forgot the advice she gave him to be very complaisant. He owned his fault; and, in order to make amends, he went near the young lady again, pretending that he did not go away out of any bad humour. She drew him by the arm, made him sit down by her again, and gave him a thousand malicious hugs. Her slaves came in for a part of the diversion: one gave poor Backbarah a fillip on the nose with all her strength; another pulled him by the ears, as if she would have plucked them off; and others boxed him so, as might show they were not in jest. My brother suffered all this with admirable patience, affected a gay air, and, looking to the old woman, said to her, with a forced smile, You told me, indeed, that I should find the lady very good, very pleasant, and very charming; I must own I am mightily obliged to you! All this is nothing, replied the old woman: let her go on; you will see another thing by and by. Then the young lady said to him, Brother, you are a brave man, I am glad to find you are of so good an humour, and so complaisant, as to bear with my little caprices; your humour is exactly like mine. Madam, replied Backbarah, who was charmed with this discourse, I am no more my own man, I am wholly yours; you may dipose of me as you please. Oh, how you oblige me! said the lady, by so much submission! I am very well satisfied with you, and will have you to be so with me. Bring him perfume, said she, and rose-water. Upon this, two slaves went out, and returned speedily; one with a silver perfume-box, with the best wood-aloes, with which she perfumed him; and the other with rose-water, which she threw on his hands and face. My brother was quite beside himself at this honourable treatment. After this ceremony, the young lady commanded the slaves, who had already played on their instruments and sung, to renew their concerts. They obeyed; and, in the mean time, the lady called another slave, and ordered her to carry my brother with her, and do what she knew, and bring him back to her again. Backbarah, who heard this order, got up quickly, and going to the old woman, who also rose up to go along with him and the slave, prayed her to tell him what they were to do with him. My mistress is only curious, replied the old woman softly; she has a mind to see how you look in a woman's dress; and this slave who has orders to carry you with her, is instructed to paint your eye-brows, to cut off your whiskers, and to dress you like a woman. You may paint my brows as much as you please, said my brother; I agree to that, because I can wash it off again: but to shave me, you know I must not allow that. How can I appear abroad again without mustachos? Beware of refusing what is asked of you, said the old woman: you will spoil your affairs, which go on now as well as heart can wish. The lady loves you, and has a mind to make you happy: and will you, for a nasty whisker, renounce the most delicious favour that man can obtain. Backbarah listened to the old woman, and without saying one word, went to a chamber with the slave, where they painted his eye-brows with red, cut off his whisker, and went to do the like with his beard. My brother's patience began to wear out; O! said he, I will never part with my beard. The slave told him, that it was to no purpose to have parted with his whiskers, if he would not also part with his beard, which could never agree with a woman's dress; and she wondered that a man, who was on the point of enjoying the finest lady in Bagdad, should have any regard to his beard. The old woman threatened him with the loss of the young lady's favour, so that at last he let them do what they would. When he was dressed like a woman, they brought him before the young lady, who laughed so heartily when she saw him, that she fell backward on the sofa where she sat. The slaves laughed and clapped their hands, so that my brother was quite out of countenance. The young lady got up, and still laughing, said to him, After so much complaisance for me, I should be very much in the wrong not to love you with all my heart: but there is one thing more you must do for me; and that is, to dance as we do. He obeyed; and the young lady and her slaves danced with him, laughing as if they had been mad. After they had danced some time with him, they all fell upon the poor wretch, and did so box and kick him, that he fell down like one out of his senses. The old woman helped him up again; and that he might not have time to think of his ill treatment, she bid him take courage, and whispered in his ear that all his sufferings were at an end, and that he was just about to receive his reward.
You have only one thing more to do, and that is but a small one. You must know that my mistress has a custom, when she has drank a little, as you see she has done to-day, to let nobody that she loves come near her, except they are stripped to their shirt; and when they have done so, she takes a little advantage of them, and sets a running before them through the gallery, and from chamber to chamber, till they catch her. This is one more of her humours: what advantage soever she takes of you, considering your nimbleness, and inclination to the work, you will soon overtake her; strip yourself, then, to the shirt, and undress yourself without delay.
My silly brother, said the barber, had done too much to stick at any thing now. He undressed himself; and, in the mean time, the young lady was stripped to her shift and under-petticoat, that she might run the more nimbly. When they were ready to run, the young lady took the advantage of twenty paces, and then fell a running with surprising swiftness: my brother followed her as fast as he could, the slaves in the mean time laughing aloud and clapping their hands. The young lady, instead of losing ground, gained upon my brother: she made him run three or four times round the gallery, and then running into a long dark entry, got away by a passage which she knew. Backbarah, who still followed her, having lost sight of her in the entry, was obliged to slacken his pace, because of the darkness of the place: at last perceiving a light, he ran towards it, and went out at a door, which was immediately shut upon him. You may imagine he was mightily surprised to find himself in a street inhabited by curriers, and they were no less surprised to see him in his shirt, his eye-brows painted red, and without beard or mustachos; they began to clap their hands and shout at him, some of them even ran after him, and lashed his buttocks with pieces of leather. Then they stopped, and set him upon an ass, which they met by chance, and carried him through the town exposed to the laughter of the people.
To complete his misfortune, as he went by the house of a justice of peace, he would needs know the cause of the tumult. The curriers told him, that they saw him come out in that condition at the gate of the apartment of the grand vizier's lady, which opened into their street; upon which the justice ordered unfortunate Backbarah to have an hundred blows with a cane on the soles of his feet, and sent him out of the town, with orders never to return again.
Thus, commander of the faithful, said I to the caliph Monstancer Billah, I have given an account of the adventure of my second brother, who did not know that our greatest ladies divert themselves sometimes by putting such tricks upon young people that are foolish enough to be caught in their snares.