VI
Consumption—Death of my Step-son—Birth of my Children—The Arrival of Several Members of my Family—Domestic Cares—Milord’s Death—My Second Marriage—Much Travel—Fresh Sojourns in Italy—My Third Brother—My Behaviour to my Father—His Death.
The eruptions which had been so great an affliction in my childhood continued making their appearance at intervals; but when I was twenty-six, the evil having settled on my chest, it was believed that I showed strong symptoms of consumption. I was so weak that after walking a few steps I could not breathe; bathed in a cold sweat, I could get no rest.
Several remedies were tried on me without any good result. The doctors advising change of air, we set out for Wales; but it was soon seen that that cold and damp climate was more hurtful than helpful to me. Not knowing what else to do, I was ordered to Tunbridge Wells, and it was that marvellous specific that gradually restored me.
I was still only just convalescent, when milord’s son was himself attacked with a decline, which carried him to his grave.
His constitution had been a robust one, but long undermined by his own errors it could not make any resistance. He succumbed, after every medical expedient had been tried in vain.
His father was broken-hearted; in addition to the loss of his only son, he saw that his vast estates would pass to relations of whom he had good reason to complain.
To provide against this misfortune as much as possible, he made a will to the effect that, if he should die without issue, the larger part of his property should go to the second son of the Minister, Perceval, brother of his first wife, leaving me at the same time an annuity of £1400, on condition that I granted him a favour, until then persistently refused.…
His grief was so great, and he had always shown me so much kindness, that at last I felt it to be my duty to make the most painful sacrifices for his sake—I consented to become a mother!…
With what transports of gratitude did he not welcome the first signs of the fulfilment of his hopes! But even they did not equal his delight when I gave birth to a son. Beside himself with joy, he ordered that no expense was to be spared, and gave the most brilliant of entertainments; the best families came to it and offered us their heartiest congratulations.
As for myself, I felt then the most delightful emotion, quite new to my heart and which I recognized as maternal love.
This happiness was increased the next year by the birth of a second son, whose baptism was celebrated with great pomp. Mr. Perceval and Lord Bulkeley were his godfathers.
My father, having heard that I was now sole mistress in my husband’s house, hastened to bring his daughter, to give me, as he said, a pleasant companion.
They both appeared in sailor costume, which made me feel greatly ashamed; and I had them dressed in a proper fashion.
My father ran all over London, visited all the places of interest, laid his hands on everything he could get in our house, and departed with well-lined trunks.
I kept my sister with me, furnished her with a magnificent wardrobe, and gave her in abundance everything she could desire; but in spite of it all, I could never conquer her hardness of heart, and every day she distressed me by her constant rudeness.
Her connection with Lord Newborough brought her in contact with a distinguished ecclesiastic, whom she subsequently married.
We had just heard that my second brother had got into terrible trouble in Italy, when he made his appearance in order to secure himself from the hands of justice, which would have infallibly consigned him to the same fate as one of his cousins, who was sent to the galleys for ten years.
My consternation may be imagined!
My husband was furious, and expressed very forcibly to me his disgust at being so tormented by this insaziabile canaglia, as he called it. I was almost as angry as he; nevertheless, I did my best to quiet him, thinking to do good to my brother; but his bad conduct soon obliged us to send him away.
I got him placed with a merchant at Leghorn, but he, too, could not keep him for more than a few months.
Since my father’s visit I noticed that milord often forbad me to go to entertainments frequented by the French nobility, especially the Bourbon Princes.
This fresh antipathy greatly amused me, though I wondered over so odd a warning; since at that time I was living in absolute retirement with my children. Having no thought but for them, I lavished endearments on them and all the care their growing infirmities needed; for I had the grief of seeing that I had bequeathed them a very sad inheritance. The eruptions which had caused me so much suffering made their appearance very early on their little bodies; the eldest was quite covered with them. Many remedies were tried, but the root of the evil was never wholly destroyed.
Although their father had never suffered in a similar way, his health, shattered by other causes, gave way completely; he fell ill of a terrible disease which lasted a year and ended in his death. In the midst of his severe pains he would take no help but mine; he gave me constant marks of love, and to give it effectual expression he considerably increased my annuity.
It was in my arms that he drew his last breath, on the 11th of October, 1807.
His funeral was solemnized with all the pomp befitting his rank and fortune; all the people of distinction made a point of attending it and did not fail to pay their touching tributes of condolence to my grief.
The deceased had assigned for his children’s education a sum which was thought insufficient; a larger was put at my disposal by the Lord Chancellor; but it was ruled that I should lose it, as well as my guardianship, if I married again.
My youth was so far past that at first this condition seemed useless and ridiculous to me.
Meanwhile, I went to drink the waters at Cheltenham, and there I met a Russian Baron, called Ungern Sternberg, who paid me immense attention; I was charmed with his kindness, enchanted with his fine manners. He loved music, dancing, riding, and a hundred other things I, too, liked. This peculiar similarity of tastes brought us together and soon formed a strong tie between us.
Later on I met him in the best houses in London, especially and on several occasions at that of General Hughes, whose wife constantly entertained me with accounts of the wonderful merits of the gentleman, never tiring of exalting his talents and virtues.
Thinking she saw that I thoroughly agreed with her, she told me that he intended to ask for my hand. Such an idea never having entered my head, I looked upon it as an idle tale and laughed at it. But she returned to the charge; her husband joined in, and the Baron himself made me a formal offer.
Seeing that this was a serious matter, I did not hesitate in giving an absolute refusal; alleging my position with regard to my two sons.
Every possible step was taken to make me believe that it would be easy for me to obtain permission to retain all my rights over them.
My objections were contested so cleverly; I was so lulled with hopes; such earnest and well-worded entreaties were made to me, that it became well-nigh impossible to make any further opposition. I yielded, and made up my mind to contract a second union which everything around me combined to represent to me in the most tempting light.
My consent given, my future husband went to carry the news to his own family, while I went to Lady Charlotte Bellasis, my late husband’s niece by marriage, at Newborough Park.
The Baron joined me there, and our wedding was celebrated on the 11th of September, 1810.
Immediately afterwards we returned to London to prepare for our departure.
I will not attempt to describe the grief I felt at having to dismiss my servants; still less will I try to describe the anguish of my heart when I realized that it was vain to dream of keeping the guardianship of my children. Milord’s executors were inexorable, they tore them from me.
Having left at the beginning of November, we travelled across Switzerland in severe cold, and did not arrive in Petersburg until the last fortnight of January.
Count Pahlen, our uncle, First Minister to the Emperor, received us in the most friendly fashion; he introduced me to the highest society, and, but for the bitter coldness of the weather, I should have taken part in all their gaieties.
If I was not presented at Court, it was because, as an English lady, such a presentation should have been made by the English Ambassador, and at that time there was not one, in consequence of the war between the two countries.
Nevertheless, I was admitted to look on at a brilliant entertainment inside the Palace; and the Emperor Alexander, having noticed me amongst the other lady spectators, commanded his first gentleman-in-waiting to show me all the splendours of that delightful residence.
Everything I looked at, and still more the universal courtesy of manner, promptly convinced me of the great mistake it is to look upon the Russian nation as behindhand in European civilization.
Spring having brought back warmth, we went to Reval, to offer our respects to my mother-in-law, who welcomed us warmly, and showed me much kindness.
A little later we set sail for the Island of Dago, where lay the Baron de Sternberg’s principal estates.
All his acquaintances there received me with enthusiasm, and did their best to divert my mind; but with no success until the birth, in the following month, of a third son, whom I called Edward, after his father.
How can I describe what this newly-born son was to me, especially when his first signs of intelligence made me foresee that he would become more and more worthy of my love?
Feeling unable to let him be out of my sight for a moment, I took him with me the first time I went to see his brothers.
I had the comfort of finding them pretty well in health; but alas! it was but too evident to me that perfidious skill had been at work in filling their minds with unjust prejudices against her who had always loved them so tenderly. In spite of their goodness of heart, they could not help showing a certain coolness which greatly grieved me.
I set to work to revive their old love for me, and flatter myself I succeeded.
At the end of a year my husband came to fetch me in one of his own vessels, manned by his own people, in which I lived as in a house of my own.
While in England I had been given several very great curiosities, among others a fan from the East Indies and a magnificent bird-of-paradise feather; I added to these a little piece of work I had made out of the rarest shells then known, and took the liberty of sending the whole to her Majesty the Empress Elizabeth, who most graciously had a delightful and flattering letter written to me, and sent with it a magnificent clasp set with brilliants.
But I will tell nothing more of my return to Russia nor of another journey to England I made. Let us go back to my parents.
My father had written to me of the deaths, one after another, of my second brother, my grandmother and my mother; and he was constantly expressing the most intense wish to embrace me once more before he himself followed them to the grave.
At last I yielded to his pressing entreaties, moved greatly by a vague hope I had always kept of seeing again the old Countess Borghi, of whose death I had never positively heard.
When I got to Italy I made inquiries about her which resulted in my hearing that she had died when I was scarcely nine years old.
My father, aunt and brother joined me at the hotel where I had put up for the time; they were all in excellent health.
My brother became my intimate confidant; I told him all my affairs and put all my concerns into his hands, delegating my authority to him.
Very soon I noticed that he was received very coldly in the good houses to which I took him; I asked one of my old friends the reason for this, to be told by her that the young man, having behaved very badly during the course of his studies at the University of Pisa, where he took his degree in Law, had brought back with him a doubtful reputation, which day by day grew worse.
My own experience promptly showed me that these suspicions were far from being without foundation; and thenceforth I left off confiding in him.…
For two consecutive years I took every care of my father; not only did I provide for his wants, but I invited him to my table; I desired him to come to the parties I gave; I tried to cheer him up by my talk; I made much of him; while, on his side, he always showed me the most profound respect, never calling me anything but milady, and behaving to me like a humble retainer.
In vain I implored him to remember that I owed my existence to him; to call me his daughter and to treat me like one; I saw that my loving reproaches awoke no sweet transports of paternal affection. He scarcely ventured to look me in the face, and spoke only of his gratitude, constantly repeating that I had been his lucky star and mumbling the word “Borghi” and another that he never finished.
This confusion and these many mysterious speeches seemed to me the signs of approaching mental aberration and made me very uneasy.
At last he fell dangerously ill, and I was inconsolable. I sent for doctors; I got three attendants for him, and ordered that he was to have every comfort.
MARIA STELLA, LADY NEWBOROUGH
FROM A BUST AT GLYNLLIFON
One day they came to tell me that on recovering from a sudden attack he had uttered my name and asked to see me. I flew to his bedside, kissing him and weeping over him. He looked at me with eyes full of sorrow, pressed my hand, and struggled hard to make himself understood; but his paralysed tongue refused to articulate anything but: “Mio Dio!—Barant, Baranto——”
I was overcome with grief at his state; I was advised to go; they led me away and put me into my carriage.
On the morrow my brother sent me word that the poor dying man being no better than on the previous day, a visit from me could not fail to be hurtful rather than helpful. On the following days he wrote to me in the same fashion, and at last came himself to tell me, with every sign of grief and affliction, that our father was no more.