4
Seated on the edge of the bath, Luke read as follows:
“You could always see every point of view except one, and that was your wife’s.
“Once or twice the sting of your jelly-fish of a conscience made you try to be nice to me. There are words and acts from a man to a woman which may be lovely to the woman if they come spontaneously and naturally. If they are produced as by a force-pump, they are an insult. If you tried to hide the pump, it was a poor effort.
“When you took up with that Tyburn minx, I thought that you had realized the situation, that you saw that I found life with you detestable and intolerable, and that you meant to give me a chance to divorce you. I employed a private detective with what I had saved out of the house-money, and had you watched. The detective reported that there was nothing good enough—or bad enough——for the High Court, and that the woman seemed to be doing most of the work.
“So as the mixture of cowardice and selfishness which you call your conscience would not let you give me a chance to divorce you, I determined to make you divorce me. The first thing to do was to get you out of the way. It is so trying and undignified to elope if a husband is looking on, and possibly interfering. So I adopted a system of intensive spring-cleaning. I don’t think I left out anything which could inconvenience and annoy you. It went on and on. No house has been spring-cleaned like this since the world began. I fancy it was the whitewash over your books that finally shunted you. You left in the early morning. I packed at leisure and left in the evening, taking with me a gentleman who financed that great success, Doom Dagshaw’s Mammoth Circus.
“As he is not in the book, I may mention that he is a Mr. Nathan Samuel. But no matter. A nose by any other name would smell as efficiently. He is a true Christian with no fault except his love for me.
“The necessary particulars will be sent to your solicitors, and I hope you will then get busy.
“Ta-ta, old crock. Yours, Mabel.
“P.S.—You shouldn’t leave oxalic acid about like that. Don’t you know it’s a poison? I’ve hidden it underneath your dress-shirts, in case of accidents.”
Luke put the letter down. There was a step outside the door and Dot entered.
“Thought I should find you here,” said Dot. “Everything all right?”
“Couldn’t be better. But why did she leave the letter on the hot-water tap?”
“Oh, that was just a little joke of hers. She said you always got into any hot water that might be going about, and so you’d be sure to find it there.”
“Do you see what this means, Dot? It means that in future we can play at boats without any fear of interruption.”
“M’yes,” said Dot. “It’s not the very devil of a game, is it? Been over the house yet? I must say it does look nice, now all the cleaning and decorating’s finished. Albert and Hector both noticed it.”
“Yes, very nice. I suppose you and Dash would like to be getting dinner for me.”
“That’s what we’re panting after. But it can’t be done, because there’s nothing to eat. At least, there’s nothing for you. Besides, after this afternoon we are both emotionally worn-out. And that’s not all. Albert and Hector brought us a bit of news from Gallows. Just you take my tip and ask no questions. You take the train into Dilborough and dine at the ‘Crown.’ You might—I don’t say you will, but you might—get a bit of a surprise. If you hurry you’ll catch the 7.5.”
Luke thrust his wife’s letter into his pocket, and hurried.