A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW

You can pay five cents to the Elevated Railroad and get here, or you can put some other man's nickel in your own slot and come here with an attendant (Page 2)

This volume was prepared for publication by the author a few months before his death, and is now published by arrangement with Mrs. Edgar Wilson Nye.

CONTENTS

PAGE.
I.A Guest at the Ludlow[1]
II.Old Polka Dot's Daughter[13]
III.A Great Cerebrator[22]
IV.Hints for the Household[33]
V.A Journey Westward[42]
VI.A Prophet and a Piute[52]
VII.The Sabbath of a Great Author[64]
VIII.A Flyer in Dirt[69]
IX.A Singular "Hamlet"[81]
X.My Matrimonial Bureau[92]
XI.The Hateful Hen[99]
XII.As a Candidate[108]
XIII.Summer Boarders and Others[123]
XIV.Three Open Letters[134]
XV.The Dubious Future[144]
XVI.Earning a Reward[156]
XVII.A Plea for Justice[162]
XVIII.Grains of Truth[168]
XIX.A Scamper Through the Park[179]
XX.Hints to the Traveler[187]
XXI.A Medieval Discoverer[201]
XXII.How to Pick Out a Birthplace[208]
XXIII.On Broadway[218]
XXIV.My Trip to Dixie[222]
XXV.The Thought Clothier[228]
XXVI.A Rubber Esophagus[233]
XXVII.Advice to a Son[243]
XXVIII.The Automatic Bell Boy[254]

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

PAGE
You can pay five cents to the Elevated Railroad and get here, or you can put some other man's nickel in your own slot and come here with an attendant[Frontispiece]
His old look of apprehensive cordiality did not leave him until he had seen me climb on a load of hay with my trunk and start for home[15]
Then they tied a string of sleighbells to his tail, and hit him a smart, stinging blow with a black snake[27]
My idea was to apply it to the wall mostly, but the chair tipped, and so I papered the piano and my wife on the way down[36]
Frogs build their nests there in the spring and rear their young, but people never go there[45]
I improved the time by cultivating the acquaintance of the beautiful and picturesque outcasts known as the Piute Indians[57]
He sometimes succeeds in getting himself disliked by some other dog and then I can observe the fight[67]
Then rolling my trousers up a yard or two, I struck off into the scrub pine, carrying with me a large board[74]
He looked up sadly at me with his one eye as who should say, "Have you got any more of that there red paint left?"[105]
"Mr. Nye, on behalf of this vast assemblage (tremulo), I thank God that you are POOR!!!"[115]
Three or four times as much oxygen is consumed in activity as in repose, hence the hornets' nests introduced by me last season[124]
Playing billiards, accompanied by the vicious habit of pounding on the floor with the butt of the cue ever and anon, produces at last optical illusions[149]
Mr. Whatley hadn't gone more than half a mile when he heard the wild and disappointed yells of the Salvation army[159]
"I was in a large, cool hosspital which smelt strong of some forrin substans. The hed doctor had been breathing on me and so I come too"[163]
Said the Governor as he swung around with his feet over in our part of the carriage and asked me for a light[181]
He therefore had to borrow a bald-headed man to act as bust for him in the evening[194]
It was at this time that he noticed the swinging of a lamp in a church, and observing that the oscillations were of equal duration[202]
Here Andrew turned the grindstone in the shed, while a large, heavy neighbor got on and rode for an hour or two[210]
"A man that crosses Broadway for a year can be mayor of Boston, but my idee is that he's a heap more likely to be mayor of the New Jerusalem"[220]
I bought tickets at Cincinnati of a pale, sallow liar, who is just beginning to work his way up to the forty-ninth degree in the Order of Ananias[222]
In hotels it will take the mental strain off the bell-boy, relieving him also of a portion of his burdensome salary at the same time[256]

A GUEST AT THE LUDLOW