The Comedies of Carlo Goldoni / edited with an introduction by Helen Zimmern

by Carlo Goldoni

ACT I.

[An open space bounded at the back by a house bearingthe inscription Osteria (Inn). Houses to right andleft; on the left a gentleman's mansion with a lowprojecting terrace. The foremost house has theword Café upon a swinging shield; before itsmain door and windows stand small tables andchairs. It has also a back door which adjoins alittle pharmacy. At the end of the right-handside of houses, a small general store. The inn hasa restaurant on the ground-floor, and on the left asmall shoemaker's workshop. Right and left, betweenthe inn and the side houses, runs the street.]
Scene I.
[Evarist and the Baron sit towards the front at a littletable drinking coffee. Limonato serves them.Crispino is cobbling in his booth, near to himCoronato sitting beside his door, writing in a note-book.The Boots cleans the restaurant windows.In the middle of the stage sits the Count readinga book. He is dressed in a white summer costume,while the Baron and Evarist are in shooting dress,with their guns beside them. Geltrude andCandida on the terrace, knitting. To the rightTognino is sweeping the square, Nina is spinningbefore her house door, beside her stands Moracchioholding two hunting dogs by a cord. Every nowand again Timoteo puts his head out of thepharmacy; in the background Susanna, sewingbefore her shop. A pause after the rise of thecurtain. All absorbed in their occupations. Crispinohammers energetically upon a shoe at whichhe is working. Timoteo is pounding loudly in amortar, therefore invisible.]
Evarist. How do you like this coffee?
Baron. It is good.
Evarist. I find it excellent. Bravo, Limonato! to-dayyou have surpassed yourself.
Limonato. I thank you for the praise, but I do begof you not to call me by this name of Limonato.
Evarist. I like that! Why, all know you by thatname! You are famed by the name of Limonato. Allthe world says, "Let us go to the village and drinkcoffee at Limonato's." And that vexes you?
Limonato. Sir, it is not my name.
Baron. Eh, what! From to-day onwards I will callyou Mr. Orange.
Limonato. I will not be the butt of all the world.
[Candida laughs aloud.]
Evarist. What think you, Signorina Candida? [Hetakes up a fan which Candida has put down on theparapet of the terrace and fans himself, replacing it.]
Candida. What should I think? Why, it makesone laugh.
Geltrude. Leave the poor creature in peace; he makesgood coffee, and is under my patronage.
Baron. Oh, if he is under the patronage of theSignora Geltrude, we must respect him. [Whispersto Evarist.] Do you hear? The good widow protectshim.
Evarist. [Softly to the Baron.] Do not speak evil ofthe Signora Geltrude. She is the wisest and mostreputed lady in all the world.
Baron. [As above.] As you like; but she has the samecraze for patronizing as the Count over there, who isreading with the very mien of a judge.
Evarist. Oh, as regards him, you are not wrong. Heis a very caricature, but it would be unjust to comparehim with the Signora Geltrude.
Baron. For my part, I think them both ridiculous.
Evarist. And what do you find ridiculous in the lady?
Baron. Too much instruction, too much pride, toomuch self-sufficiency.
Evarist. Excuse me, then you do not know her.
Baron. I much prefer Signorina Candida.
[After having carried on this talk in half tones, they both rise to pay. Each protests to the other, the Baron forestalls Evarist. Limonato returns to the shop with the cups and money. Timoteo pounds yet louder.]
Evarist. Yes, it is true. The niece is an excellentperson. [Aside.] I would not have him as a rival.
Count. Hi, Timoteo!
Timoteo. Who called me?
Count. When will you cease pounding?
Timoteo. Excuse me. [Pounds on.]
Count. I cannot read, you crack my skull.
Timoteo. Excuse me, I shall have done directly. [Continues yet louder.]
Crispino. [Laughs aloud as he works.] Hi, Coronato!
Coronato. What would you, Master Crispino?
Crispino. [Beating hard on a sole he has in hand.] TheCount does not wish us to make a noise. [Beats yetlouder on his shoe.]
Count. What impudence! Will you never end thisworry?
Crispino. Does not the Count see what I am doing?
Count. And what are you doing?
Crispino. Mending your old shoes.
Count. Quiet, impudent fellow! [Continues to read.]
Crispino. [Beats on and Timoteo also.] Host!
Count. Now, I can bear it no longer. [He rises fromhis seat.]
Scavezzo. Hi, Moracchio!
Moracchio. What is it, Boots?
Scavezzo. The Count.
[Both laugh and mock at the Count.]
Moracchio. Quiet, quiet! after all, he is a gentleman.
Scavezzo. A strange one.
Nina. Moracchio!
Moracchio. What do you want?
Nina. What did Scavezzo say?
Moracchio. Nothing, nothing. Attend to your ownaffairs, and spin.
Nina. [Turns away her chair with contempt, and goeson spinning.] My good brother is truly as amiable asever. He always treats me thus. I can hardly awaitthe hour when I shall marry.
Susanna. What is the matter, Nina?
Nina. Oh, if you knew! In all the world I don'tthink there is a greater boor than my brother.
Moracchio. I am as I am, and as long as you areunder me—
Nina. [Pouts and spins.] Not much longer, I hope.
Evarist. [To Moracchio.] Now, what is it all aboutagain? You are always teasing that poor child, and shedoes not deserve it, poor thing.
Nina. He makes me wild with anger.
Moracchio. She wants to know everything.
Evarist. Come, come, it will do now.
Baron. [To Candida.] Signor Evarist is kind-hearted.
Candida. [With disdain.] It seems so also to me.
Geltrude. [To Candida.] Look to yourself, child. Wedo nought but criticise the actions of others, and do nottake care of our own.
Baron. [Aside.] There, these are the sort of doctrinesI can't abide to hear.
Crispino. [Aside while he works.] Poor Nina! Butonce she is my wife, he won't tease her any more.
Coronato. [Aside.] Yes, I will marry her, and if itwere only to free her from the brother.
Evarist. Well, Baron, shall we go?
Baron. To tell you the truth, this morning I do notfeel like going shooting. I am tired from yesterday.
Evarist. Do as you like. You will excuse me if I go?
Baron. Do not let me detain you. [Aside.] So muchthe better for me. I will try my luck with SignorinaCandida.
Evarist. Moracchio! we will go. Call the dogs andtake your gun.
Baron. [To Evarist.] You come back to dinner?
Evarist. Certainly. I have ordered it already.
Baron. Then I will await you. Au revoir, ladies.[Aside.] I will go to my room, so as to rouse no suspicions.
Scene II.
The above. Moracchio comes back.
Moracchio. Here I am, sir, with the dogs and the gun.
Evarist. If you allow, ladies, I will go shooting awhile.
Geltrude. Pray do as you please, and enjoy yourself.
Candida. And good luck.
Evarist. Accompanied by your good wishes, I mustbe lucky. [He busies himself with his gun.]
Candida. [Aside.] Signor Evarist is really amiable.
Geltrude. Yes, amiable and well-mannered. But,niece, distrust all strangers.
Candida. Why should I mistrust him?
Geltrude. For some time since I have had my reasonsfor this.
Candida. I have always been reserved.
Geltrude. Yes, I am content with you. Continue tobe reserved towards him.
Candida. [Aside.] This warning comes too late. I amdeeply enamoured of him.
Evarist. All is right. Come, Moracchio. Once more,ladies, your humble servant.
[Geltrude bows. Candida the same. In doing so her fan falls into the street. Evarist picks it up.]
Candida. Oh, never mind.
Geltrude. Do not trouble.
Evarist. The fan is broken. How sorry I am!
Candida. What does it matter?—an old fan!
Evarist. Well, if you allow. [Gives the fan to Tognino,who takes it into the house.]
Candida. There, aunt, you see how it vexes him thatthe fan is broken.
Geltrude. Good manners demand this. [Aside.] Herelove is in play.
Scene III.
The above. Tognino on the terrace. He hands the fan to Candida.
Evarist. I am vexed that this fan broke on myaccount, but I will make it good. [To Susanna.] Ishould like to speak to you, but inside the shop. [ToMoracchio.] Go on ahead, and wait for me at the edgeof the wood. [With Susanna into the shop.]
Moracchio. [To himself.] I call this waste of time.Out upon these gentlemen sportsmen.	[Exit.
Nina. [To herself.] So much the better that mybrother has at last gone. I can scarcely await themoment to be alone with Crispino. But this tiresomeman, the host, is always around. He follows me perpetually,and I can't abide him.
Count. [Reading.] Oh, beautiful, beautiful! [To Geltrude.]Signora!
Crispino. What have you read that is interesting,Count?
Count. What does that matter to you? What doyou understand about it?
Crispino. [Hammering.] Who knows who knowsmost?
Geltrude. You called me, Count?
Count. You a lady of taste, oh, if you heard what Ihave just read! A masterpiece!
Geltrude. Something historical?
Count. Bah!
Geltrude. A philosophical discussion?
Count. Bah!
Geltrude. A poem?
Count. Bah!
Geltrude. What then?
Count. Something astonishing, unheard of, translatedfrom the French! A fable.
Crispino. A fable! Astonishing! Unheard of! [Hehammers hard.]
Count. Would you like to hear?
Geltrude. Gladly.
Crispino. Why, he reads fables like little children![Hammers.]
Count. Will you at last leave off your noise?
Crispino. [Hammering on.] I am putting a patch onyour shoe.
[Timoteo pestles.]
Count. The devil's own noise! And you too?
Timoteo. [Puts his head outside the pharmacy.] It ismy business.
Count. [Reads.] "There was once a lovely maiden"—[ToTimoteo.] Go to the devil with your mortar! Itis not to be borne.
Timoteo. I pay my rent, and have no better place inwhich to pound. [Goes on.]
Count. If you will allow, signora, I will take theliberty of coming up to you. You will then hear thebeautiful fable. [Goes into the house.]
Geltrude. This chemist is too tiresome. Let us goand receive the Count.
Candida. I don't care to hear his fables.
Geltrude. But good manners demand it.
Candida. Out upon this Count!
Geltrude. Niece, honour that you may be honoured.Come. [She goes into the house.]
Candida. [Rising to follow her.] To please you.
Scene IV.
The above without the Count and Geltrude. Evarist andSusanna come out of the shop.
Candida. What! Signor Evarist still here? Not goneshooting? I should like to know the reason. [Watcheshim from the back of the terrace.]
Susanna. Do not complain, sir, the fan is cheap.
Evarist. [Aside.] Candida is no longer here. [Aloud.]I am sorry that the fan is not more beautiful.
Susanna. That was the last of those of the firstquality. Now my shop is emptied. [Smiling.] Isuppose it is a present?
Evarist. Certainly. I do not buy fans for myself.
Susanna. For Signorina Candida, because hersbroke?
Evarist. [Impatiently.] No; for some one else.
Susanna. All right, all right. I am not curious.[Reseats herself in front of the shop to work.]
Candida. He has great secrets with the draper. I amcurious to hear some details. [Approaches to the front.]
Evarist. [Approaching Nina.] Nina!
Nina. Your wishes, sir?
Evarist. A favour. I know Signorina Candida lovesyou.
Nina. Yes, she has pity on the poor orphan. Butalas! I am subjected to my brother, who embitters mylife.
Evarist. Listen to me.
Nina. [Spinning on.] Spinning does not make medeaf.
Evarist. [To himself.] Her brother is full of whims,but neither does she seem free of them.
[Susanna, Crispino, and Coronato stretch outtheir heads to observe the couple.]
Candida. Business with the shopwoman; business withNina. I do not understand. [Comes forward yet more.]
Evarist. May I ask you a favour?
Nina. Have I not already answered you? Have Inot told you to command? I am not deaf. If myspindle disturbs you, I will throw it aside. [Does so.]
Evarist. But how impetuous!
Candida. What does her anger signify?
Coronato. It seems to me they are getting hot.[Creeps to the front, his note-book in hand.]
Crispino. She throws aside her spindle. [Does thesame with his shoe and hammer.]
Susanna. Would he give her a present were she lessangry? [She too approaches from out the background.]
Nina. I am at your orders.
Evarist. You know that Signorina Candida brokeher fan?
Nina. Why, certainly.
Evarist. I have bought a new one at the shop.
Nina. As you please.
Evarist. But Signora Geltrude must not know.
Nina. There you do wisely.
Evarist. And I wish that you should give her thefan secretly.
Nina. I cannot serve you.
Evarist. How unkind of you!
Candida. [To herself.] He told me he was going shooting,and he is still here.
Crispino. [Approaches, pretending to be at work.] If Icould only hear something!
Coronato. [Approaches also, pretending to do accounts.]I can scarcely contain myself for curiosity.
Evarist. Why will you not do me this favour?
Nina. Because I want to know nothing about thismatter.
Evarist. You take the matter too seriously. Candidaloves you so much.
Nina. True, but in such matters—
Evarist. You told me you wanted to marry Crispino.[Turns and sees the two listeners.] What do you wanthere, you rogues?
Crispino. [Seating himself hastily.] I am working,sir.
Coronato. [Does the same.] Can I not reckon and walkaround at the same time?
Candida. They are discussing important secrets.
Susanna. What is there about this Nina that all menare after her?
Nina. If you want nothing else of me, I will go onspinning. [Does so.]
Evarist. But listen, do! Candida has begged me togive you a dowry that you may wed your Crispino.
Nina. [Suddenly grows friendly.] Really?
Evarist. Yes; and I gave her my word that I woulddo all—
Nina. Where is the fan?
Evarist. Here.
Nina. Quick, quick, give it to me, but so that no onesees.
[Evarist gives her the fan.]
Crispino. [Advancing his head, to himself.] Ho, ho, hegave her something!
Susanna. [The same.] In very truth—he gives her thefan!
Coronato. [Ditto.] What could he have given her?
Candida. [Ditto.] Yes, he deceives me. The Countis right.
Evarist. But, mind, quite secretly.
Nina. Let me act, and do not fear.
Evarist. Addio.
Nina. My respects.
Evarist. Then I rely on you?
Nina. And I on you. [Seats herself and resumes herspinning.]
Evarist. [About to go, sees Candida on the terrace.]Ah, there she is again! I will tell her to be attentive.[Calls.] Signorina Candida!
[Candida turns her back to him and goes away.]
Evarist. What does this mean? Is it contempt?Does she despise me? Impossible! I know she lovesme, and she knows my passion for her. And yet—no,now I understand! Her aunt will have seen andobserved her, and she would not show before her. Yes,yes, it must be that, it cannot be anything else. But Imust at last give up all this secrecy and talk withSignora Geltrude, and obtain from her the precious giftof her niece.
Nina. In truth, I owe the Signorina thanks that sheinterests herself in me. Shall I not repay her? Theseare little services one exchanges without any basethoughts in the rear.
Coronato. [Gets up and goes to Nina.] Hm, greatsecrets, great consultations with Signor Evarist?
Nina. What does not concern you, does not matterto you.
Coronato. Were that the case I should not interfere.
[Crispino approaches the couple quietly to listen.]
Nina. I am not subservient to you, Master Host.
Coronato. Not yet, but I hope soon.
Nina. Indeed! and who says so?
Coronato. He has said it and promised it and swornit, and he can and may dispose of you.
Nina. [Laughing.] Perchance my brother?
Coronato. Yes, your brother; and I will tell him ofall the secrets, the confidence, the presents—
Crispino. [Comes between them.] Ho, ho! what righthave you to this girl?
Coronato. I owe you no answer.
Crispino. And you, what have you to discuss withSignor Evarist?
Nina. Leave me in peace, both of you.
Crispino. I will know!
Coronato. What, you will? Command where youmay command. Nina is my betrothed, her brother haspromised her to me.
Crispino. And I have her word, and the word of thesister is worth a thousand times more than that of thebrother.
Coronato. She is as good as engaged to me.
Crispino. We will speak of this again. Nina, whatdid Signor Evarist give you?
Nina. Go to the devil with you!
Coronato. No answer! But stop, I saw him come outof Susanna's shop. She will tell me. [Goes towardsSusanna.]
Crispino. He bought her a present. [He too goes toSusanna.]
Nina. [To herself.] I shall reveal nothing. But ifSusanna—
Coronato. Neighbour, I beg you, what did SignorEvarist buy of you?
Susanna. [Laughing.] A fan.
Crispino. Do you know what he gave the girl?
Susanna. What could it be but the fan?
Nina. That is not true.
Susanna. Why, certainly it is!
Coronato. [To Nina.] Produce the fan.
Crispino. [Pushing him away.] Here I command!I must see the fan.
Coronato. [Raises his fist towards Crispino.] Wait awhile.
Crispino. [Ditto.] Yes, you wait too.
Nina. [To Susanna.] It is all your fault.
Susanna. Mine?
Nina. Chatterbox!
Susanna. Oh ho! [Threatens her.]
Susanna. I go. Peasant girl, consort with yourlikes. [Retires into her shop.]
Crispino. But now I will see the fan.
Nina. I have not got one.
Coronato. What did the gentleman give you?
Nina. Your curiosity is impertinent.
Coronato. I will know.
Crispino. [To Coronato.] I tell you that does notconcern you.
Nina. This is not the way to treat a respectable girl.[Goes towards her house.]
Crispino. [Approaching her.] Tell me, Nina.
Nina. No.
Coronato. I must know. [He pushes Crispino aside.]
[Nina hurries into the house and shuts the door in both their faces.]
Coronato. It's your fault.
Crispino. Impudent fellow!
Coronato. Do not excite yourself.
Crispino. I do not fear you.
Coronato. Nina will be mine!
Crispino. We shall see about that. And should shebe, I swear—
Coronato. What, threats! Do you not know to whomyou speak?
Crispino. I am an honest man, as all know.
Coronato. And what am I, pray?
Crispino. I know nothing about it.
Coronato. I am an honoured innkeeper.
Crispino. Honoured?
Coronato. What! you doubt it?
Crispino. Oh, it is not I who doubt it.
Coronato. Who, then, may I ask?
Crispino. All the village.
Coronato. My good man, it is not about me that alltalk. I do not sell old leather for new.
Crispino. Nor I water for wine; nor do I trap catsat night to sell them as lamb or hare.
Coronato. I swear to Heaven—[Raises his hand.]
Crispino. What! [Does the same.]
Coronato. The devil take me! [Feels in his pocket.]
Crispino. His hand in his pocket! [Runs to his boothto fetch an implement.]
Coronato. I have no knife.
[Crispino seizes the apothecary's chair and threatens to hurl it at his adversary. Coronato takes up a bench and swings it at Crispino.]
Scene V.
The above. Timoteo, Scavezzo, Limonato, the Count.
[Timoteo hurrying out of his shop, pestle in hand.Limonato, out of the café with a log of firewood.Scavezzo, out of the inn with a spit.]
Count. [Coming out of Geltrude's house.] Peace, peace!quiet there, I command!—I, you villains, the CountRocca Marina! Ho there, peace, I say, you rogues!
Crispino. [To Coronato.] Well, to please the Count.
Coronato. Yes, thank the Count, for but for him Iwould have broken all the bones in your body.
Count. Quiet, quiet, it is enough! I would knowthe reason of the strife. Go away, you others. I amhere, no one else is needed.
Timoteo. Is no one hurt?
[Limonato and Scavezzo depart.]
Count. You wish that they had cracked their skulls,contorted their arms, disjointed their legs, is it not so,Apothecary, to show us a specimen of your talents andpowers?
Timoteo. I seek no one's ill; but if there were woundedto heal, cripples to succour, breakages to bind up, Iwould gladly help them. Above all, I would with allmy heart serve your worship in such an eventuality.
Count. Impertinent fellow! I will have you removed.
Timoteo. Honest men are not removed so easily.
Count. Yes, one removes ignorant, impudent impostorsof apothecaries like you.
Timoteo. I am astonished to hear you talk thus, Count—youwho without my pills would be dead.
Count. Insolent fellow!
Timoteo. And those pills you have not yet paid for.	[Exit.
Coronato. [Aside.] Here the Count might be of useto me.
Count. Well, now, my men, tell me what is the matter,what is the reason for your quarrels?
Crispino. I will tell you, sir—I will tell it before allthe world. I love Nina.
Coronato. And Nina will be my wife.
Count. [Laughing.] Ah ha! I understand: a lovequarrel; two champions of Cupid, two worthy rivals,two pretenders to the lovely Venus of our village.
Crispino. If you think to make fun of me—[Moves togo away.]
Count. No, stay.
Coronato. The matter is serious, I assure you.
Count. Yes, I believe it. You are lovers, you arerivals. By Jupiter, what a combination! Why, thevery theme of the fable I was reading to SignoraGeltrude just now. [Points to his book.] "There wasa maiden of rare beauty"—
Crispino. I understand. With your permission—
Count. Where are you going? Come here!
Crispino. If you will allow me, I go to finish cobblingyour shoes.
Count. Yes, go, that they may be ready by to-morrow.
Coronato. And be careful that they are not patchedwith old leather.
Crispino. I shall come to you when I want a freshskin.
Coronato. Thank Heaven I am no cobbler nor shoemaker!
Crispino. It does not matter, you will give me ahorse's skin or a cat's.
Coronato. [Aside.] I know I shall kill that man.
Count. What did he say of cats? Do you give uscats to eat?
Coronato. Sir, I am an honest man, and this person isa rogue who persecutes me unjustly.
Count. The effect of love, of rivalry. So you are inlove with Nina?
Coronato. Yes, sir, and I was about to seek yourprotection.
Count. My protection? [Gives himself an importantair.] Well, we will see. Are you sure she loves you inreturn?
Coronato. To tell the truth, I fancy she loves himbetter than me.
Count. That is bad.
Coronato. But I have her brother's word.
Count. A thing not much to be relied on.
Coronato. Moracchio has promised it to me mostfaithfully.
Count. So far so good, but you cannot force awoman.
Coronato. Her brother can dispose of her.
Count. [Hotly.] It is not true. Her brother cannotdispose of her.
Coronato. But your protection.
Count. My protection is all well and good. Myprotection is valid, my protection is powerful. Buta nobleman, such as I, does not arbitrate nor disposeof a woman's heart.
Coronato. But, after all, she is a peasant.
Count. What does that matter? A woman's ever awoman. I distinguish the grades, the conditions, butas a whole I respect the sex.
Coronato. [Aside.] I understand. Your protection isworthless.
Count. How are you off for wine? have you a goodsupply?
Coronato. I have some that is quite perfect, good andexquisite.
Count. I shall come and taste it. Mine has turnedout ill this year.
Coronato. [Aside.] It is two years that he has sold it.
Count. If yours is good, I will take a supply.
Coronato. [Aside.] I do not care for this patronage.
Count. Do you hear?
Coronato. Yes, I hear.
Count. Tell me one thing: if I were to speak to thegirl, and induced her by explanations—
Coronato. Your words might do something in myfavour.
Count. After all, you deserve to be preferred.
Coronato. It seems to me, too, that between me andCrispino—
Count. Oh, there is no comparison!—a man like you,educated, well dressed, a respectable person.
Coronato. You are too kind.
Count. I respect women, it is true, but just becauseof that, treating them as I treat them, I assure you,they do for me what they would do for no oneelse.
Coronato. It is that which I thought too, but youwanted to make me doubt.
Count. I do like the lawyers, who start by makingdifficulties. Friend, you are a man who has a goodinn, who can afford to maintain a wife decently. Haveconfidence in me, I will take up your cause.
Coronato. I beg your protection.
Count. I accord it. I promise it.
Coronato. If you would put yourself out to comeand taste my wine—
Count. Most gladly, good man. [Puts his hand on hisshoulder.]
Coronato. [Aside.] Two or three barrels of wine willnot be ill spent here.

END OF THE FIRST ACT.

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