The Comedies of Carlo Goldoni / edited with an introduction by Helen Zimmern

by Carlo Goldoni

ACT V.

Scene I.—The Count and Frontino.

Count. Make haste! Place and light those candles,that there may be a splendid illumination!
Front. But I want help, Signor.
Count. Pshaw! Thy activity and talents, Frontino,are quite sufficient.
Front. [Aside.] So much for compliments.
Count. I am vexed at again not finding the Marchionessand her aunt at home. Surely they will come tosupper. See how the candles waste; shut the doorsand windows.
Front. The evening is so warm!
Count. No matter; do as I bid you.
Front. [Aside.] He has odd modes of saving.
Count. I feel myself quite animated. The suppergrand! The illumination grand! The—Some of myguests, and those not mean ones, will acknowledge anddo justice to my dessert. I grant the expense is great;but expense, if it is properly incurred, can be borne oncein a while.—[To Frontino.] Should any one ask for me,I am here with the Marquis.—[To himself.] Let me butfinish affairs with him, and the difficulty with hisdaughter will be but little.
Scene II.—Frontino, and then Fiorillo.
Front. [Calls.] Fiorillo!
Fior. [Entering.] Here am I. What do you want?
Front. [Giving him a light.] Help me to light thecandles.
Fior. Willingly. [Both lighting and chatting at thesame time.]
Front. Gently! gently! Mind how you turn thatchandelier; the candles are only short bits fastened oncoloured sticks.
Fior. Do not fear. I hope we shall sup together?
Front. Should anything be left. The dishes arelarge; the contents small.
Fior. We shall have a bottle at least?
Front. Zounds! if we have, I must pay for it.
Fior. Among so many, how can one be missed?
Front. I will tell you. The Count has a certainnumber of coloured pellets in his pocket. He drawsthem out one by one as the bottles are emptied.
Fior. Oh, the devil!
Front. [Seeing the Count return.] Hush!
Scene III.—Enter the Count.
Count. [Angry and aside.] Could such a thing beexpected? A man of my rank and riches? Rudenessso great! Contempt so visible! Tell me his daughteris not for me! Will not come to supper, and then tosneer and laugh at me! He too!—so weak and foolish!Talk of nothing but oats; a reiteration of oats, oats!—[ToFiorillo haughtily.] Your master wants you. Go!
Fior. I have had the honour of helping my comrade,Signor.
Count. Have the complaisance now to help yourself,and be gone.
[Exit Fiorillo.
Scene IV.—The Count and Frontino.
Front. [Aside.] We shall have bad weather; there issomething new in the wind.
Count. [To himself.] What a blockhead was I!Absurd design! Is not money worth more than ruinedantiquity? Oh yes! I will marry the captious beauty;marry her in despite of her and of myself. No moreattentions; no more respectfulness; no more complaisancefor any one.—[To Frontino.] Put out the lights.
Front. Put them out, Signor?
Count. Do as you are bid! Make haste!
Front. Very pretty! [Begins to extinguish.]
Count. [Aside.] Deceive me! Laugh at me! Oncemore for Madame Araminta.—[To Frontino.] Will younever have done? [Puts out some candles with his hat.]
Front. But the supper? Everything ready.
Count. How many dishes?
Front. I have brought out all the silver, as youordered; and large and small, though most of the last,there will be forty.
Count. [Putting out a candle.] They will last fortydays.
Front. But, Signor—
Count. Silence babbler! [Puts out the last, and theyare in the dark.]
Front. So, here we are, and here we may stay.
Count. Why did you put out the last candle?
Front. I do not think it was I, Signor.
Count. Go for a light.
Front. Nay, but how to find the door.
Count. Stop! stop! I hear somebody.
Scene V.—The stage dark. Enter Fiorillo.
Fior. What can this mean? All in total darkness!Perhaps there will be no supper?
Front. [Aside to the Count.] I think it is Fiorillo.
Count. [Softly, and holding Frontino by the arm.]Stay where you are, and speak as if I were gone.—[Aside.]I may make some discovery.
Fior. [Stumbling on Frontino.] Who is there?
Front. 'Tis I.
Fior. Frontino! Why have you put out the lights?
Front. Because—because it was too early.
Fior. 'Sblood! Your master is a miser indeed.
Front. How? Jackanapes! My master a miser!
Fior. Why, you told me so yourself.
Count. Ah, rascal! [Shaking Frontino.]
Front. Oh, the liar! I capable of—
Fior. Hold your tongue, and listen patiently. I havethought of a way by which you may crib a bottle ofwine, in spite of the pellets.
Front. Vile cheat! What are you talking about?
Fior. Really, my dear Frontino, you are no longerthe same. Change thus in a minute! You speak as ifyour master were here.
Front. I speak as I have always spoken. I love mymaster, obey my master, respect my master, and—and—he'sa gentleman.
Count. [Shaking him with great anger.] Scoundrel!
Fior. And all you have said of his avarice is false?
Count. Villain! [Shaking Frontino till he falls.]
Fior. What now? Where are you? What hasfallen?
[Exit the Count, feeling till he finds the door.
Scene VI.—Frontino and Fiorillo, then the Count.
Front. [Aside.] The devil take you!—[Feeling about.]Where are you, Signor?
Fior. Who are you talking to?
Front. Signor, where are you?
Fior. Hey-day! You have taken a cup already, myfriend.
Front. Ah! ah! Here he comes. God help my poorback.
Count. [Entering with a candle, speaks softly.] Traitor!Dog!—[Aloud.] Hark you, Frontino!
Front. [Afraid.] Ye—ye—yes!
Count. [Aside.] If we were alone!—[Aloud.] Go andtell Madame Araminta I wish to speak to her, either inher room or my own.
Front. Yes, Signor.—[Aside.]—I will not trust hislooks.—[To the Count.] Do not think—
Count. [Disdainfully.] Deliver your message.
Front. [Aside.] I see how it is. You must pack off,my friend Frontino.	[Exit.
Scene VII.—The Count and Fiorillo.
Fior. You have a faithful servant there, Signor.
Count. You do not know him, friend. An ungratefulfellow, to whom I have been kind and generous in vain.A professed liar! I discovered him, gave him warning;and, to revenge himself, the rascal speaks ill of me.[Going with the light he brought.]
Fior. Excuse me; this room is dark: permit me tolight another candle.
Count. Certainly. I can't tell why they were all putout.
Fior. Frontino is a good servant, and knows how tomanage.
Count. [Aside.] The hound! I would send him to thedevil if I could find a servant for as little wages.	[Exit.
Scene VIII.—Fiorillo and the Marquis.
Fior. If I had not got this light, here I might havestayed.
Marq. [Entering.] I should like to know—? [ToFiorillo.] Did you not say—? Tell him to come here.
Fior. Who, Signor?
Marq. My son.
Fior. Yes.—[Aside.] He is not always to be understood.—[Aloud.]First suffer me to light a candle.
Marq. Another—I love—Good, good, excellent! Seeclear. [Lights a third himself.]
Fior. Some one may come to put them out.
Marq. Out! Who?
Fior. [Laughing.] The illustrious Count!	[Exit.
Marq. True! Without a grain of oats!
Scene IX.—Enter Araminta.
Aram. [Speaking as she enters.] He is in his room.Marquis, your obedient—
Marq. Humble servant.—All well? All well?
Aram. At your service.
Marq. Good, good, excellent! I wished to—My sonwill tell you.
Aram. Your son, my daughter, and Dorimene, haveso stunned and tormented me that I can hear nomore.
Marq. If so, Madame—But—you know me—I havenot—Very true; but—my property—my estates—Forest,lordship, seven springs—High lands, low—Pasture,arable—A barony. Good, good, excellent!Two millions, Madame!
Aram. What matter your millions? My husbandmade a fortune from nothing; you, with millions, areruined! He took care of his own affairs; I managedthe house. But permit me to say, Signor Marquis, inyour family all has been disorder.
Marq. The Marchioness, heaven bless her! was alittle too fond—Poor woman! Always lost. For mypart—the chase—good hounds—fine horses—Then—myson—Good, good, excellent! Oh, a brave boy!—Who,some day or other—our estates—our lands—
Aram. Had I the management of them, they wouldsoon free themselves.
Marq. Good, good, excellent! Take—act—give 'emup—Oh, with all my heart!
Aram. Surely you do not imagine, Signor Marquis,that it becomes me to be an agent?
Marq. No; I did not say that. You are still—I amnot old—Understand me.
Aram. You are jesting.
Marq. Jest when I—? Good, good, excellent!
Aram. I have no intention to marry; and, if I had,it would not be vain titles, but happiness that I shouldseek.
Marq. Right—if you—no one interfere—mistress ofeverything—carte blanche. Good, good, excellent!
Aram. Carte blanche?
Marq. Without restriction.
Scene X.—Enter the Chevalier.
Chev. My father sent for me.
Marq. You see, Madame! only son—good youth.
Aram. I know it, and know his merit.
Chev. Ah, Madame!—[To the Marquis.] Did you, sir,know the kindness, the liberality, with which this ladyoverwhelmed me, how you would be surprised!
Marq. All is concluded? Eleonora—thine? [Overjoyed.]
Aram. Not too fast, Signor Marquis; I have told youhow tenderly I love her, and that I will not risk eitherher happiness or her fortune.
Marq. But—speak, boy—our affairs—Good, good,excellent! Speak the truth; this lady may—as forme—here I am—my heart, my hand, carte blanche.
Chev. To which, dear father, I willingly subscribe.I leave everything to your discretion. [Flying to the sidescene.] Approach, dear Eleonora; conquer your fears;join your prayers to ours, and move the heart of amother, who doubts only through delicacy.
Enter Eleonora and Dorimene, who remains inthe background.
Eleon. [Falling at her mother's feet.] Oh, my mother!you know my heart, and how religiously I have alwaysobeyed your commands. You would unite me to a manwhom I can never love; virtuous affection has takenpossession of my soul. I ought to have told you, butfear and respect forbade me; yet my feelings, howeverardent, I was determined should be sacrificed toobedience to that affection which I have ever felt foryou, and that tender attachment in which I have beeneducated. Ah, do not force me to a marriage I detest!and which will render me the most disconsolate andwretched woman on earth.
Aram. [Aside.] Poor child! Did she know my heart!
Marq. [Wiping his eyes.] Now—if—Good, good,excellent!
Aram. Be it so on one condition. The carte blanche—
Marq. [Presenting his hand.] Sign it—pray accept—
Aram. Your hand?
Eleon. My dear mother, your superintending prudenceand goodness will secure our felicity.
Chev. Oh yes. Your orders shall be respected; yourexample the rule for our conduct; your advice our guide.
Aram. [Aside.] My child! my child!
Marq. [Still tenderly presenting his hand.] Madame!
Aram. [Cheerfully.] Signor Marquis—I am yours.
Marq. And I—Good, good, excellent!
Dor. [Coming forward.] Permit me, ladies and gentlemen,to say I have thus far been silent, being desirousto promote this young lady's happiness; but I thinkyou will remember my brother ought to be, in somedegree, consulted in this affair.
Eleon. Heavens! what say you, Madame?
Aram. My daughter should have been his, had hebeen less of a spendthrift.
Marq. I would have given him mine if he had notbeen a miser.
Eleon. [Sees the Count coming.] Oh, my mother!
Marq. Fear nothing—I'll speak—Yes, I—quite clearly—Good,good, excellent!
Scene XI.—Enter the Count, and afterwardsFrontino.
Count. [Aside.] She is here; now is the time to obligeher to determine.—[To Araminta.] I sent a request,Madame—
Aram. I was coming, but was stopped by the Marquis.
Marq. Yes, Signor Count, I have to inform you—
Count. Pardon me, Signor; I have business with thislady.—[To Araminta.] The notary will soon be here,and we must sign the contract.
Aram. And do you still persist in claiming mydaughter? Have you not renounced her?
Count. No, Signora. My design, of which my sistermay have informed you, was to propose conditionshonourable to all parties; but these the Marquis disapproves.
Marq. Hear me speak. You asked me—yes—I wouldhave—why not? But—be so kind—Good, good,excellent! No anger—a hundred thousand livres,diamonds, and not a grain of oats!
Count. Why do you thus reiterate oats? I cannotunderstand; can you, ladies?
Dor. [To the Count.] Your coachman, brother, mayhave refused—
Count. [To the Marquis.] How! have your horses notbeen fed? If so, am I responsible for my coachman'serror? Must I be thought a miser—I!—[Aside.] Myservants have babbled, and I shall lose my reputation.
Front. [Entering to the Count.] Persons without areasking for you, signor.
Count. [Aside.] My supper guests perhaps; themoment is favourable to the support of my honour.—[Aloud.]Is the notary among them?
Front. Yes, Signor.
Count. Bid him come in. Show the other personsinto the card-room. Let the house be illuminated andthe supper served.
[Exit Frontino.
Marq. Good, good, excellent!
Scene.—The last.
Enter the Notary, the Jeweller, Giacinto, and others.
Count. [To the Notary.] Signor, please to read the contract,that it may be signed. So, Signor Giacinto, youhave discovered that my bride is better, and that thesupper will take place.
Giac. No, Signor, I have made no such discovery.But I have discovered some literary gentlemen, who,since I am not enabled to print my comedy and yourgenealogy, will publish the genealogy at their ownexpense, with all necessary and some remarkableannotations.
Count. [Enraged.] I understand the insult. [Dissembling.]Have you the genealogy in your pocket?
Giac. Here it is, Signor.
Count. [Receiving and concealing the MS.] Signor—Ihave a proper esteem for talents—they have ever beenencouraged and recompensed by me.—[Aside.] A mercenaryscoundrel!—[Whispers Giacinto.] Accept thesefive-and-twenty louis, and let me hear no more.—[Tearsthe paper.]
[Exit Giacinto.
Aram. [Aside.] What a man! He would quicklyhave scattered my daughter's fortune.
Count. [To the Notary.] Once more, the contract.
Jew. [Advancing with a bow.] Signor Count.
Count. How now! What do you want?
Jew. Permission to speak.
Count. [Softly to the Jeweller.] I desired you to comein a week.
Jew. 'Tis true. But hearing you are this eveningto be affianced, permit me to observe that, after myjewels have been seen—
Count. Ay, ay.—[Vexed and aside.] The rascal knowswhat he is about.—[Privately returns the jewels andangrily whispers,] Here, take your diamonds, and troubleme no more.
[Exit Jeweller.
Front. [Entering.] The supper is ready; must it beserved?
Count. Wait till I call you. Once more, the contract;with your leave, madam, we will read it, that it maybe signed.
Aram. Signor, while I was a widow the power wasmy own, but now I am once more married.
Count. Married! Who is your husband, Madame!
Marq. Good, good, excellent! Yes, signor, 'tis I.
Count. [Aside.] Here is a blow! Oh, all hopes aregone!—[Aloud.] Then Eleonora—
Aram. I love my daughter too much to willinglypart with her; once to-day you have refused her hand,which I shall now give to—
Marq. Good, good, excellent!—To my son.
Count. [To Dorimene indignantly.] I am derided,sister, disdained.
Dor. I warned you, brother, yet you would persist.Be prudent; you are in the presence of many people;do not risk your reputation.
Count. [Aside.] Very true. Come what will, I mustdissemble.—[Aloud.] You're happily come, ladies andgentlemen, to witness the signing of a contract between—the—Chevalierdel Bosco and this young lady.—[Aside.]My tongue is parched; I have not the powerto proceed.—[Aloud.] The honour of contributing tothis—ceremony—is mine.—[Aside.] Oh that the housewere on fire!—[Aloud.] Let us walk into the librarytill the supper is ready.
Aram. Long live the spendthrift!
Marq. And down with the miser!
[Exeunt omnes.

THE END OF "THE SPENDTHRIFT MISER."

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TRANSCRIBER'S NOTE A small number of obvious spelling mistakes have been corrected.The following additional changes have been made and can be identifiedin the body of the text by a grey dotted underline:
It was from the Lamoyant plays of Diderot and his school	It was from the Larmoyant plays of Diderot and his school
I will lay a wager it is the servant of the officer whomyou are in love.	I will lay a wager it is the servant of the officer with whomyou are in love.
Beats ye louder on his shoe.	Beats yet louder on his shoe
shall die, but I shall die avenged.	I shall die, but I shall die avenged.