The Humorous Side of Phrenology
In drawing-room exhibitions, only the lighter side of phrenology should be dealt with. A fund of humor and wit can be demonstrated here, so that instruction is blended with amusement, and it is not unfitting to use animals as illustrations of different qualities. For instance, the refrain in the once-popular lyric, “But the cat came back,” clearly testifies that this animal possessed the nodosity of inhabitiveness to a marked degree. Not so the man of music-hall fame whose pathetic pleading, “Please don’t take me home,” stirs our heartstrings most potently, or “Bill Bailey,” the wanderer. The small dog that ogles a larger comrade engaged with a bone, but who fears his mightier powers too greatly to venture open attack, possesses “cupboard” affection rather than amativeness.
The blinkered horse, were it granted speech, would doubtless demonstrate the fact that it has cultivated the faculty of spirituality in no small degree, for its sense of the unseen is remarkable.
The bull has only to kick up his heels and lower his horns at a red parasol to vindicate his apt discernment of color. The manner in which the watch-dog registers the shape of his enemy’s calves in his memory is a truly astonishing sign of his sense of form and locality. The serpent’s feline smile at the bird is eloquent of its sociability and expectation; its glistening coils are the personification of blandness and invitation to embrace. Stay-at-home oysters are famous for domesticity. The fish swallowing the hooked worm illustrates a beautiful trust and faith in the providential plans man culminates for his welfare. In the hobbled ass, wandering over and over his patch of grass, economy, adhesiveness, and a very praiseworthy amount of application are shown.
It might be well for the ambitious phrenologist to study the skulls of these and other animals, birds, and fishes, for in these the unadulterated essences of virtues and vices and instinctive propensities are discovered. The human head may be likened to a very rich pudding composed of very different ingredients, flavorings, and strata of coloring, and sugared with conventionalities and hypocrisies. The animal, on the contrary, exhibits its true qualities as frankly as a sirloin of raw beef suspended in a butcher’s window.