The Plumber
Figures.
Mrs. Hoggins.
Mr. Plapper.
Jim, the Plumber.
Robert, the Policeman.
Bridget, the Maid.
With these five characters and a suitable amount of talking an amusing sketch can be given. The following is a mild suggestion of what can be done, but you will find that it can be made very much funnier when actually performed.
Scene, a House ([Fig. 16]).
Mrs. Hoggins emerges, loudly complaining that a pipe has burst and spoiled her nice new carpet. She blames everybody in the neighborhood, not omitting Mr. Hoggins, who is in town. “Just like a man: never here when he is wanted.”
She calls Bridget, and tells her to run for the plumber. Bridget seems unable to understand. “Sure, Mum, and the grocer came this mornin’ and ye didn’t want any fruit!” Mrs. Hoggins then explains matters with considerable volubility, and Bridget departs.
Mr. Plapper rushes out, waving his arm, and complaining that his house will be ruined by the overflowing water. The drawing-room ceiling has already come down. He sees Mrs. Hoggins, and asks her heatedly what she means by it. That lady replies suitably, and they wrangle until the plumber comes, when Mr. Plapper retires with a few sarcastic remarks.
Jim, the plumber, listens to Mrs. Hoggins’ explanation, and disappears into the house to see what he can do, only to reappear in a moment, remarking that he must go home to fetch his hammer. He accordingly leaves the stage.
Mr. Plapper returns with a policeman, relating matters so excitedly that Robert is not quite sure whether it is a case of fire or merely a murder. He enters the house, and Plapper abuses the plumber, who, returning at this moment, thoroughly enters into the spirit of the fray.
He also goes into the house, but comes out immediately, having suddenly remembered that it is time to go to dinner.
Mrs. Hoggins appears upon the scene once more, and encounters Plapper, who asks: “Well, Ma’am, and what have you done about it?” “Done? If you would do something, instead of standing there talking like a monkey, perhaps we should know where we are.”
In an interval of the conversation a loud sound of kissing is heard, and Mrs. Hoggins demands what it is. “Water oozing through my ceiling,” says Plapper. Mrs. Hoggins laughs satirically and retires. She apparently finds Robert making love to Bridget, for he suddenly appears running out of the house very hurriedly, followed by the fiery remarks of Mrs. Hoggins. He is making a few rejoinders when Jim, the plumber, returns just in time to say that his wife is expecting him home to afternoon tea. A general chorus of excited abuse is then heard, in which Mr. Plapper joins from the background. So Jim walks away, saying that he will cut all the water off, leaving them nothing to drink, let alone wash in, until next day.
This may seem very poor fun, but when staged and supplemented with good strong patter it should be most amusing. Opportunities always arise for introducing smart remarks and witty rejoinders, which cannot fail to “bring the house down.”
Complete sets of figures, with the various plays for which they are intended, can be purchased from all good shops making a specialty of entertainment requisites, but it is more interesting to make everything for oneself; and the prospective shadow showman may feel assured that, with care and patience, he will be able to give a performance that, costing but a dollar or two, will prove quite as entertaining as one purchased at many times the sum.