XXII
Now in those days the Duke divided his army into two parts, one of which he ordered to march towards the Duchy of Luxemburg and the other to the Marquisate of Namur.
“These tactics of the military are all one to me,” said Ulenspiegel to Lamme, “let us go on our way with confidence.”
They were walking along the banks of the Meuse, near the town of Maestricht, and Lamme saw that Ulenspiegel gazed attentively at all the boats that were sailing on the river. Suddenly he came to a stand before one of these boats upon whose prow was carved the figure of a mermaid. And the mermaid carried a shield and on it in gold upon a black ground were blazoned the letters J.H.S., being the monogram of Our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Ulenspiegel signed to Lamme that he should stand still, and then he began to sing like a lark most joyously.
A man appeared on the boat and began to crow like a cock. At this Ulenspiegel set up a noise like a donkey’s bray, which the man immediately echoed with interest. And the two donkeys of Lamme and Ulenspiegel lay back their ears and joined in the chorus with their own natural voices. Sundry women and men were passing along that way, the latter riding on the backs of the horses which were tugging the barges along the tow-path. And Ulenspiegel said to Lamme:
“This boatman is making mock of us and our good steeds. What do you say to going and attacking him on his boat?”
“Let us rather entice him over to the bank,” replied Lamme.
But a woman who happened to be passing at the moment said:
“If you don’t want to come back with your arms cut off, your backs broken, and your noses in pieces, let me advise you to let this Stercke Pier bray at his ease.”
“Ee—aw! Ee—aw! Ee—aw!” went the boatman.
“Let him sing,” continued the woman. “Only the other day he showed us how he could lift on his shoulders a truck of heavy barrels of beer, and hold back yet another truck that was being dragged forwards by a strong horse. And at the inn there”—and as she spoke she pointed to the tavern of the Blauwe Torre—“it was there one day that he threw his knife at a plank of oak-wood twelve inches thick and pierced it at a distance of twenty paces!”
“Ee—aw! Ee—aw! Ee—aw!” went the boatman, and now he was joined by a youngster of twelve or so, who climbed on to the bridge of the boat, and began to bray in like manner.
But Ulenspiegel answered the woman:
“He’s nothing to us, your Peter the Strong! For however strong he is, we are stronger! See my friend Lamme here. He could eat up two men like that without so much as a hiccup!”
“What’s this you’re saying, my son?” demanded Lamme.
“The truth,” answered Ulenspiegel. “And do not let your modesty contradict me. For of a truth, good people, women and working men of Maestricht, I tell you that before long you shall see my friend here belabouring and beating to nothing this famous Stercke Pier of yours!”
“Be quiet,” said Lamme.
“Your strength is famous far and wide,” answered Ulenspiegel. “You cannot conceal it.”
“Ee—aw!” went the boatman. “Ee—aw!” went the boy.
Suddenly Ulenspiegel began again to sing like a lark very melodiously, and the men and women and workmen standing by were enchanted, and began to ask him where he had learnt the art of whistling so divinely.
“In Paradise,” answered Ulenspiegel, “whence I come.” Then he addressed himself to the boatman, who was still continuing his braying and mocking:
“Why do you stay there on your boat, you good-for-nothing? Haven’t you the courage to come and jeer at us and our steeds from the dry land?”
“Haven’t you the courage for that?” said Lamme.
“Ee—aw! Ee—aw!” went the boatman. “Come, my good bray-masters, come up rather into my boat.”
Then Ulenspiegel whispered to Lamme to do exactly as he did. But to the boatman he said aloud:
“If you are Stercke Pier, I am Tyl Ulenspiegel. And these two here are our donkeys, Jef and Jan, and they know how to bray better than you do, for that is their natural way of talking. As for coming on to your leaky decks, it is the last thing we wish to do. Your boat is like a tub, and each time that a wave comes along it shivers, and it knows no other way of walking save sideways-on like a crab.”
“Yes, like a crab!” said Lamme.
To which the boatman made answer:
“What are you croaking there between your teeth, great block of fat?
At this Lamme fell into a rage, crying:
“You are no Christian to make mock of my infirmity. My fat is my own, let me tell you, and is the result of the good food I eat, whereas you, old bag of bones that you are, you have never lived upon aught better than smoked herrings and old candle-wicks if one may judge anything from the lean flesh that shows through the tears in your measly hose.”
“Ee—aw! Ee—aw!” cried the boatman, and Lamme would have got down from his donkey to collect stones to throw at him had not Ulenspiegel said him nay.
The boatman now began to whisper something into the ear of the lad who was still “ee—awing” at his side, and a moment later the lad unfastened a little boat which lay by the side of the big one, and with the end of the boat-hook shoved himself cleverly off towards the river-bank. When the boy was quite close to the bank he drew himself up proudly and threw down this challenge:
“My master wants to know if you will have the courage to come on to his boat and join with him in a battle of fist and feet. And these good men and women shall be the arbiters.”
“Certainly,” said Ulenspiegel in a dignified tone of voice.
“We accept the challenge,” said Lamme haughtily.
It was midday. The workmen who laboured on the dike and the road-menders and the builders of ships were about to take their repast of beans and boiled beef which had been brought them by their women-folk or their children. All these, then, who stood around began to laugh and to clap their hands at the prospect of a fight, looking forward with joy to the chance of seeing the head of one of the combatants broken, or his body thrown in pieces into the river.
“My son,” said Lamme under his breath, “the boatman will assuredly throw us into the water.”
“Let him throw you in if he wants to,” said Ulenspiegel.
“The big one is afraid,” said the crowd of workmen.
Lamme, who was still sitting his donkey, turned round and gave them a look of anger, but they jeered at him the more.
“Come on,” said Lamme. “Let us to the boat, and then they shall see if I am afraid.”
At these words the jeers broke out again, and Ulenspiegel said:
“Come, let us to the boat!”
When, therefore, they had dismounted from their donkeys they threw the bridles to the boatman’s lad, who caressed the animals in friendly wise and led them to a place where he saw some thistles growing. At the same time Ulenspiegel seized hold of the boat-hook, made Lamme get into the skiff, and then steered straight for the big boat. There he mounted on to the deck by the help of a rope, and Lamme climbed up in front of him, puffing and blowing.
Arrived on the bridge of the boat, Ulenspiegel leant down as if to lace up his boots, and at the same time he spoke a word into the boatman’s ear, who straightway laughed and gave Lamme a curious look. Then he began to roar out at him every kind of insult, calling him worthless rogue, a man bloated with vicious fat, prison-bred, pap-eter, and at the same time inquiring of him how many tons of oil they gave him when he was bled.
All of a sudden, without waiting to reply, Lamme threw himself like a mad bull upon the boatman, knocked him down, and began to beat him with all his might. The boatman, however, did not receive much injury, forasmuch as Lamme’s arms were but weak on account of their fatness. And the boatman suffered himself to be thus dealt with despite the fact that he was making a great pretence at resistance all the time. And the men and women who were watching the battle from the bank were astonished, and exclaimed to each other: “Who would have thought that this fat man could be so fiery!”
And they clapped their hands while Lamme continued to belabour the boatman most unmercifully. But the latter took care only to protect his face. Suddenly Lamme was seen to be kneeling upon the breast of Stercke Pier, with one hand on his adversary’s throat, and the other raised to strike.
“Cry for mercy,” he said furiously, “or else I shall make you pass through the planks of your tub.”
At this the boatman began to cough, thereby signifying that he could not speak, and demanded mercy with a sign of his hand.
Then Lamme was seen to pick up his adversary in a most generous manner, who thereupon, standing upright and turning his back towards the onlookers, put out his tongue at Ulenspiegel. Now the latter was rocking with laughter to see Lamme shaking the feather on his cap so proudly and walking about in triumph upon the deck of the boat.
And the men and women, boys and girls, who were watching from the bank applauded their loudest and cried out: “Long live the conqueror of Stercke Pier! He is a man of iron! Did you see how he cuffed him with his fist, and how he threw him down on his back with a blow of his hand? But see, they are now about to drink together to make the peace! Stercke Pier is coming up from the hold with wine and sausages!” And in very truth, Stercke Pier might now have been seen coming on deck with two tankards and a quart of white Meuse wine. And Lamme and the boatman made their peace. After which Lamme asked his new friend what sort of fricassees they were that were being cooked in the hold of the ship; for at one end of the deck was a chimney whence rose a column of thick black smoke. And the boatman made answer:
“Since you are men of valiant heart, knowing well the song of the lark, the bird of freedom, and the warlike clarion of the cock, and the bray of the ass withal, come you with me and I will show you my kitchen.”
And so saying he led the way into the hold, where, removing certain planks from the floor, he disclosed some mighty piles of gun-barrels, together with a quantity of iron lances, halberds, sword-blades, and a great heap of powder and shot.
“Where shall I take them?” he asked.
“To Emden, through the North Sea,” said Ulenspiegel, “good Beggarman that you are!”
“The sea is big,” said the boatman.
“Big for battle,” said Ulenspiegel.
“God is with us,” said the boatman.
“Who then can be against us?” cried Ulenspiegel.
And when they had thus spoken, the boatman conducted Lamme and Ulenspiegel on deck, with many words of cheer and good counsel. Then they rowed to the bank, where they mounted again upon their donkeys and set off towards Liége.
“My son,” said Lamme whilst they were ambling gently along, “pray tell me why did that man, strong as he was, allow himself to be beaten by me so cruelly?”
“To the end,” answered Ulenspiegel, “that wherever we go, the fear of your prowess may go before us. That indeed will prove a more powerful escort than twenty landsknechts. For who would dare to measure his strength with Lamme the mighty, Lamme the conqueror? Lamme the matchless bull among men, that overcame in the sight of all beholders the famous Stercke Pier—Peter the Strong—and threw him to the ground like a feather?”
“You say well, my son,” said Lamme, drawing himself up in the saddle.
“And I say what is true,” answered Ulenspiegel, “for did you not notice the faces that looked out so curiously from the houses on the outskirts of this village? They were pointing at the terrible figure of Lamme the Conqueror! And do you see these men who are gazing on you even now with such envy, and these sorry cowards who uncover as you pass? Answer to their salute, O Lamme, my sweet one, nor be disdainful of the populace. Behold, the very children know your name and whisper it with terror.”
And Lamme passed along proudly, saluting right and left like a king. And the fame of his valour followed him from village to village and from town to town, as far as Liége, Chocquier, La Neuville, Vesin, and Namur, to which place, however, our travellers gave a wide berth because of the three evangelists. And so they wended along by the banks of river and canal, and everywhere the song of the lark answered the song of the cock. And wherever they went they found that in the sacred cause of Liberty weapons were being forged and armour furbished for the ships that stood by along the coast to carry away.
Lamme the Victor
And Lamme, preceded everywhere by his glorious reputation, began himself to believe in his own prowess, and growing proud and warlike he let his beard grow too. And Ulenspiegel called him Lamme the Lion. But Lamme did not continue in this purpose longer than the fourth day, because the hairs of his beard began to tickle him. And he passed a razor over the surface of his victorious countenance, so that it appeared thereafter like his own face once more, round and full as the sun, ablaze with the flame of good nourishment. And thus they came at length to Harlebeke.