ACT II
The Widow is overwhelmed with chagrin. Girard is holding in his hand a packet of letters for the Baron. He separates one letter and substitutes another.
Girard Without breaking the seal, and without compromising myself, I half open the Baron's letter and replace the false with the true. My hand trembles for this is my first attempt in falseness.
Widow (dreaming, not listening)
Argon will marry Lisette?
Girard He will never marry my charming coquette. This will see to him—as I told you.
Widow Very good! But, let me digest my spite. The one who married me, marries my coquette. Was this what I raised Lisette for? With impunity, Lisette has played me this trick, when I instructed her to pretend love. I was the plaything of her apprenticeship. I thought she would absorb no malice from the instruction I gave her. Just a little grain of it for perfection. I ought to have realized from my own example, that malice, once seeded in a woman's heart, profits, multiplies and grows like weeds.
Girard In malice, Lisette is fertile, yet I love her, I adore her, and I will make her my wife. But, what am I saying? I ought to remember, Madame— (ironically) that you don't give Lisettes to Girards. As I am only a tax collector, I ought through respect for you, her, and myself, to let her marry your lover.
Widow
At her age, to manage, under my eyes, three lovers at the same time!
Coquettes of Paris and coquettes of the country—some ready language,
some trickery. My word, all is equal for coquetry.
Girard (ironically)
You intended to give her to some great lord.
Widow
Ah, I will give her to the devil, with all my heart.
Girard
I beg you for preference over him at least.
Widow So be it but at least provide me some confidence that you will succeed.
Girard You know all. We must lure our credulous, stupid, avaricious, and amorous Baron with this false lottery into offering Lisette marriage, and if she accepts, for Argon to see she's engaged.
Widow Lisette ought to give up Argon for the Baron. The Baron is rich and the trick is so good.
Girard
Yes, but I mustn't lose Lisette.
Widow
If Argon is undeceived, I will be satisfied.
Girard
May he see her half-married to the Baron.
Widow
Completely married, if necessary.
Girard
Completely? Hell, no!
Widow
He's coming.
Girard
My insurance which I well know how to use—
(Enter Baron. Girard presents a packet to the Baron.)
Girard I am returning from the post office and I have the honor to give the gentleman what he asked me to bring.
(Exit Girard.)
Baron (to Widow) Neighbor, my love is going to make me despair. Lisette intends to leave.
Widow I take the place of mother to her. I guarantee her tender, wise, and sincere. You don't know how much she is worth. She wants a contract, that's her only fault. And, you don't wish to make one.
Baron I intend to marry her. Who told you otherwise? But, to do such a thing, the later the better. I will marry when I am much older.
Widow
Eh! You are old enough, sir, for a wife.
Baron I am very irresolute. I blame myself for it. Ha, ha, good, this letter is from one of my friends. It's for the lottery we've all subscribed to.
Widow
Is it, then, published?
Baron
Yes, exactly. It's the list.
Widow
I am sure to win. A physiognomist has seen great sums of money on my
face. What I must do, he told me, to earn it, is to buy a lottery.
It's the most prompt way to win for a wise woman.
Baron Hum! Hum! I know, by heart, the puzzle of each. The numbers, the names, I don't see one. Let's read— Ah!
Widow
What's the matter?
Baron
Something I see irritates me.
Widow
What is it, then? From where does this sudden dolor come?
Baron
Lucas: one hundred thousand francs.
Widow To the farmer, the Grand Prize? But, let's see. Reread it. Is it, indeed, his name? Lucas?
Baron
I am not the master of my scorn.
Widow
Grand Prize to Lucas? You are ruining us, traitor.
Baron
To Lucas, the Grand Prize.
Widow
You won't allow it. Oh, Fate, unjust Fate, that Lucas be enriched.
Baron
I cannot recover. His good fortune desolates me.
Widow (pretending a quick thought, accompanied by joy)
But, let us rejoice and laugh.
Baron
Are you crazy?
Widow
No, at first we both had a stupid inspiration. It's surprised us.
Baron
Well?
Widow
You are angry that chance has just enriched Lisette's fortune.
Fortune, on the contrary, is favoring you. It has determined to make
you happy.
Baron
Oh, oh!
Widow
For the money, and without any love, these days, the most noble marry
Lisettes.
Baron Right, one hundred thousand francs would pay off my debts. This motive and love will excuse all.
Widow
Yes, but you must marry instantly, before this lottery becomes known.
This is delicacy. She will believe she owes your tenderness more.
Lucas will get the Grand Prize, but while he is unaware of it, the
fool must be taken, so that he gives all his wealth to Lisette.
Wealth, present and to come.
Baron Yes, but be discreet. I will say that I am taking Lisette without a sou.
Widow
The joke is that everybody will believe you're a fool.
(Enter Lisette.)
Baron
Here, Lisette, here.
(The Widow goes to find Lisette, who listens from the depths of the theatre.)
Widow
Your fortune is made, Lisette. It is I who am procuring it. Hug me,
Lisette.
Baron Your tears have softened me, Lisette. I surrender. Let's sign the contract as quickly as I can inform the notary.
Lisette (aside, while the Widow and the Baron talk in low voices) Do they wish to deceive me? For I understand nothing. (she dreams profoundly)
(Enter Argon.)
Argon (aside)
An explanation would be very nice here.
Lisette
Ah, here they both are. All is lost. What to do?
Argon (to the Baron) What did Girard warn me? But, it's your custom. I've often seen you boast of love. You believe yourself loved by Lisette, then, sir?
Baron
The proof of this is that I am making her my wife.
Argon Girard made no mistake. You intend to overwhelm her with your wealth. But she cannot betray her love for me.
Baron
She hasn't any love for you. I swear it.
Argon
It's you who flatter yourself to a fault, I assure you.
Baron
I tell you, she has never loved anyone but me.
Argon I am sure of her heart and her good faith. Decide between us to finish the dispute.
Baron I disdain it. Repeat for the one hundredth time that you love me tenderly.
Lisette Me, tell you that? Truly, I take little care, sir. It is from respect that I let you speak. I believed, at first, that you were boasting, to laugh. But, without offending you, sir, I will tell you, I have no love for you, nor will I ever have.
Baron
What? Why?
Widow
What does she say? Ah, how great is my shock!
Baron
What do you say?
Argon
Must she tell you again?
Baron
What? Haven't you said a hundred times that you love me?
Lisette
Me? No.
Argon (charmed)
What naivete.
Widow (angry that Lisette has not fallen into the trap)
What do I hear?
Baron
What? Your tears, your sighs?
Lisette
Were lies.
Argon I know my neighbor. Without a doubt, it is a dream that he has seen you in tears and heaving sighs. At his age, while sleeping, these are pleasant notions.
Baron
But, I haven't dreamed what you have written.
Lisette
It's my father, and Madame is there to tell you so.
Widow
I am enraged.
Argon I know Lucas is ambitious. He prefers your wealth; for you're worth more to him. But, besides, I believe her—what likelihood is there that Lisette, who always says what she thinks, has spoken to you of love, when she loves me?
Lisette What are you saying, sir? I have believed, in good faith, that you spoke in jest that you love me; but this joke is not true.
Argon
Eh—what?
Widow (aside, delighted)
What is her plan? Does she dream, or is it I who dream?
Argon
It's in vain that you still think the secret is necessary. (to Baron)
We made a secret of our love. (to Lisette) Speak, I permit you to
speak freely.
Lisette
If you permit me to speak freely, I don't love you.
Widow
She's frank enough about that.
Argon
How indignant I am!
Baron
By God, I've my revenge.
Argon But, I understand nothing. Speak clearly, I wish it. Tell them that you intended to manage us both.
Lisette I had no intention of managing either of you, I assure you, and you can see it quite well.
Widow
That's speaking plainly.
Lisette For, hold on, I prefer my liberty, a hundred times, to all your grand honors and quality. To be the wife of a great lord, I would be a servant. As for your kindnesses, of which I am cognizant, pardon me if I refuse them. In a word, both of you wish to marry me, but I will never marry either one of you.
Baron
There's your dismissal.
Argon
It is also yours.
Baron
I cannot recover from my astonishment.
Argon
Leave her, forget her, that's sufficient to punish her.
Baron
Well said. No more love.
Argon
Yes, we scorn Lisette
Baron (to Widow)
She has a hundred thousand francs which I still regret.
Widow (low)
Keep it up your sleeve. We are going to speak to her.
Argon (low)
Madame.
Widow
Well, sir?
Argon Would you go get a notary to come to your house? We are going to conclude our business instantly.
(Argon exits.)
Widow (to Baron, low) He abandons her, for you that's the main thing. I am going to rid you of a rival.
Baron
No, I dont understand at all.
Widow Neither do I. But, prudence dictates that one go in the greatest hurry.
(Exit Baron and Widow. Argon returns from the other side, and looks to see if the Widow sees him.)
Lisette (dreaming, alone) I think—yes, from what I've seen, I've done well, I believe. When they are with me, by themselves, as they will be, I will know what to do to have them back.
Argon (aside) The Widow is already far away. Let's Let's penetrate this mystery. From scorn, I have banished all animosity. I return solely from curiosity, to see what reasons you will have to give me.
Lisette Permit me to laugh, seeing you so angry. What? Didn't you see what my plan was?
Argon (enraged)
No, I didn't see it, and all subterfuge is in vain.
Lisette I told the Baron the truth, without ruse or subterfuge, for fear he would continue in his mistake. I didn't wish to deceive him.
Argon (still enraged)
I understand perfectly. But, why speak to me as to him? To refuse me?
Me? Me?
Lisette Let's talk about him first. You see me delighted. I have punished that liar the way I have quite wanted to.
Argon (still enraged)
But me, me?
Lisette
Patience. He wanted to marry me today, and my father is on his side.
And you wanted the jealous Widow to see that I love you and will marry
you. If they knew that I can love you they would get me locked up.
Argon
Ha! Ha!
Lisette Truly, I would have completely spoiled the mystery. You told me yourself before to keep quiet.
Argon You've done very properly. Yes, you're right, and I am the fool. To deceive the Baron—yes, I see the pretence is prudent and useful.
Lisette
I believe, too, well done, at least.
Argon How charming Lisette is. I am not blind, I see clearly that Lisette prefers me to a far richer man. What love! What wit!
Lisette
I have no wit. Love has added to my customary want of it.
Argon
We must secretly—
Lisette Yes, but let's separate. I will go alone, in secret, to your place for a short while.
Argon
Without your father—
Lisette He's coming. Leave me, for I tremble if the Baron and he should see us together.
(Exit Argon. Enter Lucas and the Baron.)
Lisette (aside) Here I am sure of one, but he's my second choice. Let's retake the other one. He's back to speak to me.
Lucas She must have gone crazy and what she said astonishes me. You say she doesn't love you and refuses to be a Baroness?
Baron (to Lisette) You have just revived my wrath. Ah, how I ought to kill my love for you. How can you, at your age, have the audacity to give me the lie— me, and look in my face, and tell me that you don't love me?
Lisette (pretending to have a grudge against him)
Yes, I have maintained it to your face, for it is true.
Baron Without doubt, it happened unexpectedly to you, some vapor which disturbed your senses and memory. For how else could I believe that, after the ardent love you've shown me?
Lisette (adding to her simulated scorn)
I never loved you.
Baron Still? I am outraged. You have told me a hundred times, and before your father.
Lisette
I never said it to you.
Baron
She makes me despair.
Lisette (softening)
No, never, or at least—
Baron
At least?
Lisette If I said it, I repent it so much. I have so much scorn, that if I said it, I will say the contrary, always to the whole wide world, to yourself, to my father. (pretending tenderness) What the world will know, that I loved you, and that, when I cried from love, you didn't want to marry me. No, no, and against you, my courage has returned. Me! I love you? I would indeed have little heart. My love was honest and yours was deceitful.
Lucas (who has softened, taken in and almost crying)
I've seen—she's right.
Baron Then it's from rage, suspecting my love is not sincere, that you have told me you don't love me?
Lisette
Yes, exactly. Am I wrong?
Baron
You love me then?
Lisette
Alas!
Baron Let's forget all this, Lisette, let's go quickly to a notary. May a contract be the prize of your sincere love. Let's hurry.
(Exit Baron.)
Lucas (transported with joy)
Quickly, quickly!
Lisette (low to her father, holding him by the arm)
Let's go softly.
Lucas
I'm going to be papa to a Baroness.
Lisette
Oh, I doubt it.
Lucas
Why? He's making you his wife and says so.
Lisette
No, I can see some trick.
Lucas
He marries, and that's that.
Lisette
I don't believe a word of it, father.
Lucas
To not believe the wedding, when it's come?
Lisette I believe he's deceiving me. First, I saw the Widow when Argon spoke of the business in a fret with Girard. Raging, despairing—and now she's just embraced me, knowing that I deceived her, she comes to caress me.
Lucas
Yes, it's treason.
Lisette
The Baron refused me. Then, suddenly, he changes and wants me.
Lucas
It's a trick.
Lisette (after having dreamed) If the Widow and Girard, who know how to trick, said to the Baron: pretend to marry her and as soon as she agrees, won't Argon be disgusted?
Lucas
Oh—that's it! I see clearly.
Lisette (dreaming again) For me, I don't see. For, on the other side, perhaps the Baron really wanted to marry me. That would embarrass, no, yes, the more I think about it— May I have enough wit and not be too clever by half.
Lucas Listen to my good advice. I have marvelous ideas. For, in the state where things are perilous, you have wit, but in a family affair, a father, as they say, is older than his daughter. Here then is my good advice. Let's go find the Baron. He's the most important.
Lisette
No.
Lucas
No?
Lisette
No.
Lucas
It's the second who is good. Lets go find Argon.
Lisette
No.
Lucas Then I don't know any more than an animal? Oh, my third advice, it's to have a tete-a-tete.
Lisette
Go find the Baron alone.
Lucas
Yes, I understand.
Lisette And, I alone am going to find Mr. Argon. You finish one side, I will finish the other.
Lucas
Wow! That's very good. I will marry them both before the notary.
Lisette As for me, when both contracts are drawn up—I will see. The first one to sign—that's the one I'll take.
Lucas You will take hastily. It's the chance of the game. Let's sign two contracts soon, for fear we will lack one.
Lisette
Mr. Argon's waiting for me. I'm off.
(Exit Lisette.)
Lucas (alone) Go, quick, go. But how can she get that all out of her own head? I believe she must have two brains, for she always amazes me. Yes, she's only my daughter. By God, her wit is already far ahead of mine.
(Enter Girard)
Girard (aside) Let's latch on to the father. I risk nothing, for without him the Baron can conclude nothing. By making him read this phony list, let us disturb his head. Let's throw the dice. (counterfeiting the newsboys) Lists, lists of winners!
Lucas
Lottery winners! Let's see a bit. What did you say there?
Girard
Let's see if this lottery came out good.
Lucas
What do I see there? Don't I see the seal?
Girard Clever. Are you curious? (putting the list on the side where Lucas is not) Read here.
Lucas
Very well. But show me better then.
Girard To an avaricious reader—oh beautiful thought. May a happy fool with a lucky number—
Lucas
Ha, ha, that's it!
Girard
Yes, it is. Hum, hum.
Lucas
Let's see that.
Girard (turning the list to the other side)
With pleasure. Let's see.
Lucas
Eh! I can't see anything that way.
Girard (turning the other side even worse)
Let's read. Let's see. Ah!
(Girard is moving and raising and lowering the paper so Lucas can't see.)
Lucas (with a little joy)
What is it? Show me then, friend.
Girard No. I was mistaken. But, hum, hum. I hope— (letting Lucas see the paper) God, I don't see a thing.
Lucas Ah, by God, I see. Let's see quickly there, Girard. I see something about me.
Girard (hiding the list)
No, it's nothing at all.
Lucas (joyfully)
And I have seen. My name is there!
Girard Take it easy. You probably have won nothing. I will give you a hundred francs at best.
Lucas
No, no. I've seen what I've seen. Lucas, it's my name.
Girard If you have, at least I want to be reimbursed. Return my money, it's my only resource.
Lucas
All right. Show quickly.
Girard It's one of the numbers. It's at least a thousand francs. I have seen several zeroes.
Lucas
Several zeroes? I intend to see as many as grains of sand.
Girard
You're a man insatiable for zeroes.
Lucas (joyous)
Ah, it's ten thousand francs.
Girard
Curious, yes, I see. But, if that isn't the numeral?
Lucas
By God, I'm really frightened.
Girard
Let's confirm.
Lucas (thoughtful)
Yes, there it is, the fifth.
Girard (giving the list)
Read it over, and calculate it yourself.
Lucas (taking the list, upset) My heart beats—beats. I am quite transported. I'm afraid to have seen double, and to have counted too many. One, two, three, four, and five.
Girard
Let's say—
Lucas (upset)
One, two, three, did I say three?
Girard
Yes.
Lucas
Ah, I see the number that's formed. I'm a bit overwhelmed.
Girard
In short, Lucas has the Grand Prize?
Lucas
Ouf!
Girard (relaxing)
Relax. Take off your coat.
Lucas
The Grand Prize!
Girard
Since one is rich, one must get a little better clothes.
Lucas
One hundred thousand francs!
Girard
How much we'll drink at Lucas' place!
Lucas
Let's go quickly to Paris.
Girard
I will get you a carriage and horses.
Lucas Ah, I believe I'll die of luxury. Let's see the lottery quickly, so I can see myself first again.
Girard
Are you going to remain a farmer?
Lucas (indignant)
Me! A farmer.
Girard
Forgive me for saying the word. I quite see the question is crazy.
Well, give me your rents. You won't want them. You'll be a great lord.
I am a poor devil, and your loyal friend. You will give them to me for
this good news.
Lucas
Yes. Get me a carriage and horses that go very fast, very fast.
Girard Yes, like birds. But, at first, in passing, let's stop at the notary to give me the rents. All right, father?
Lucas Yes, I won't need it myself. I will leave you all the rents from my timberland. I am going straight to Paris to get some nobility.