The triumph of the nut, and other parodies

by Christopher Ward

Little Child, Who Made You?

His childhood and youth were spent in the midst of privations—private cars, private yachts and private tutors.

At the age of seven he bit bell-boys, at eight smoked cigarettes, at nine played poker, at ten read Rabelais, at eleven imbibed intoxicants, at twelve kissed chorus-girls, and at thirteen his mother died of delirium tremens. He was sent to school at St. Ritz’s.