A KNIGHT OF THE WHITE CAMELIA.
At early dawn in the language of the excited servant, "Dere is sich a flustration agwine on outen old misses flower gyarden as I never seed in my born days."
With this exclamation her young mistress was aroused from her slumber by the old negro as she knocked violently at the door of her bed chamber in a state of great perturbation.
"Fur de land sake! Miss Alice if yu wants to see a sho nuff harricane run outen here as peart as yer ken. De stracted niggers big und leetle has finely tuck de plantashun. Oh my sole, de heabens and de yearth has cum togedder!"
Alice rushed to the window and was horrified at the sight before her. She heard a jargon of boisterous defiant noises graduated from inarticulate sounds to higher and varying keys with occasional snatches of a disgusting song in falsetto.
"We de bosses is er gwine to be,
Kase ole Lincum dun set us free,
In de year of Jubilo."
She saw to her disgust and mortification a score or two of negro children romping like cattle through her sainted mother's flower garden. They were plucking the dahlias and roses and other varieties of flowers with ruthless hands, and blowing their petals hither and thither with their vile breath into the air. Such desecration was never dreamed of by Alice and she spoke angrily to the disgusting little vagrants and attempted to drive them from the premises.
"Yer jes shet yer ole mouf, dats what, ole po white trash. Us yung uns haint eben er studdin you. Is us Maria?"
"Dat us aint," pertly responded Maria. "Yers ole po white trash, dats what my farder and my mudder ses you is, and us cullud ladies haint ergwine to mess wid you nary bit und grane. Us is agwine to pull all dese ole flowers und fling em on de groun, und us aint er skert of nary ole skeer-crow lak yer is nudder."
And with these sundry and divers exclamations, Maria and Susan joined hands and danced a break-down upon the flower beds, while the other negro children big and little clapped hands and sang in shrill piping notes another stanza of the song.
"De bellion it is dun und fell,
Und ole Marsa is gon to—well,
In de year of Jubilo."
Alice attempted again to drive them away with her father's cane, when they aligned themselves in positions of attack, and with brick-bats, fragments of slate and glass and other weapons of improvised battle challenged in angry volleys.
"We's jes dars yu to put yer ole foot outen dat do und we'll mash yer hed wid er brick," and with that one of the missiles went crashing through the imported plate glass of the front door, when the wicked vermin scampered away with the warning cry.
"Dey is er cummin, Dey is er cummin, looker dare, looker dare," and hid around chimney corners and among the brick underpinning.
Clarissa had viewed proceedings from the window of the kitchen with as much interest as though it were a battle of real blood and thunder, and running out of a door around a corner where she saw the kinky head of "Sofy Ann" peeping, she seized her by her hair and soused her over head and ears, in a hogshead filled with rain water that stood near the kitchen "Fo Gord!" she exclaimed, "I don't know whedder to drown yer outen out ur to baptize yer hed fomost. I'm gwine to wash offen yer sins ef I nebber duz no mo," and she kept ducking the little nigger until she was "moest drowned sho nuff." "Dar, now, I'm agwine to turn yer loose dis time, yer imp of Satun; jest let me ketch yer wun mo time in ole missis flower garden lak er hoss wid de blind staggers, und yer fokes will hab to sen fur de crowner. Take yersef clean clear outen my site, yer pizened varmint." The little negro, blubbering, spitting, coughing and bellowing, sneaked away toward the office looking back with savage glances, with eyes that stood out like a lobster's.
At this point of time the sound of wheels was heard down the roadway and going to the door Alice saw a lady of uncertain age with a very keen aspect, smartly dressed, alighting from a road cart. As she was approaching the door Alice at once recognized her as the lady who accompanied Mr. Jamieson, the Englishman, to the mansion only a short time before and whom that gentleman had addressed as his niece.
"Will you give me the key to the office, Miss?" she asked pertly addressing Alice.
"Now, dearies," she called to the negro children who had gathered suspiciously around her, "Just go to the schoolroom; I will be with you directly."
"Will you give me the key to the office Miss?" she asked this time with much emphasis.
"Indeed, I have no control over the office, it is my father's, madam, and he has his books and papers in it and doesn't wish them disturbed." "My father is not in the house just now. Perhaps you had better wait until he returns."
"Oh, indeed, miss, I carn't, I am a bit late just now, and I must be prompt, miss, or I shall lose my position. It doesn't matter about your father's books and papers, miss, that is a trifle; I guess I can find a place for the books and papers if you do not choose to remove them yourself. Get a move on you, Miss, if you please, as I remarked, I am a bit late this forenoon."
"I do not wish to give you the key, madam," again replied the girl, "What is your business upon my father's premises unbidden?"
"Ah, indeed, what impudence! Did I ever, I guess you will find out quickly, miss! Will you give me the key miss, or shall I drive home again and report you to Mr. Laflin?" The name Laflin was, figuratively speaking, the burglar's tool that unlocked every door in this populous county. With many wicked thoughts Alice delivered the key to the schoolmistress and with her arms around the necks of two negro girls she trooped off to the office; the door was opened and into the room the mistress and pupils entered.
"Oh, dear, dear, dear! exclaimed the school marm piteously. Whatever shall I do with all this rubbish? Come here, dear gyurls and boys, be a bit lively and remove these disgusting old things. Take them to the lady of the house; I guess she will know what to do with them. We carn't have thes trifles in the school room; no indeed we carn't" and pell-mell, helter skelter, topsy turvey, books, periodicals and papers were thrust out of doors into boxes, barrels, anything, anywhere as if they were so many burglars "taken in the act."
Poor Alice cried and sobbed; but a new regime was fast crowding out the memory of the olden days, it was the welding of an intermediate link between the waning and the waxing—the disappearing and the appearing civilizations.
"Now, dear gyurls and boys," said the mistress. "Take your seats. I guess we will begin. Charlie, come here, dear. You are a sweet little boy and I guess your mamma thinks so, too. How old are you, dear?"
"Seben, agwine in leben," answered the little black urchin quickly.
"Who made you, Charlie?"
"Who made me?" repeated the little negro saucily.
"Yes, who made you?"
"Oh I dunno, dat dere boy dere sez ole satan made me und him too."
"Oh, the precious little heathen," exclaimed the school marm, discouragingly, "Did you ever hear of God?" she asked again.
"Yes mum, I dun und seed him wun time, when me und Jake wus a rabbit huntin."
"Oh dear, dear, dear! Where did you see God? And what was he like?" she asked.
"Seed him down de crick," answered the negro smartly.
"What was he like?"
"What wus he lak?" echoed Charlie, digging into his pockets with both hands and standing upon one barefoot. "Lak a jacker lantern cum outen de groun."
"What became of him?" asked the lady.
"What cum of him?" asked Charlie "He flewed clean erway," answered Charlie as smartly as before.
"Oh my dear, dear, child, what is to become of you!" she exclaimed disparagingly. "Susan, come here, my pretty gyurl," called the lady. "Oh! how pretty are your sparkling jetty eyes," she exclaimed as she turned up the little negro's face to kiss her. "Now dear, how old are you?"
"Me!" asked the girl, "I's furteen gwine in foteen."
"And now tell me who made you?"
"Who made me!" echoed the child. "Oh, I fort yu axed dat ar boy who made him," she answered with a broad smile.
"So I did; now I wish to know who made you?"
"I aint no kin to dat ar boy, kase his daddy aint got but wun eye und my daddy has got too eyes."
"Who made you, child?"
"Ho, I furgot," replied Susan "Gord made me."
"That is correct," answered the teacher, "Now what did God make you out of?"
"Outen?" again replied Susan, "Oh, outen lasses candy. My mudder says kase I's so sweet."
"Dear, dear, dear, shall I give entirely up?" exclaimed the discomfited lady. "Shall I try again? yes, perhaps I shall find a little leaven directly." "Come here Willie; I can see from your bright face that you are a smart little boy. Now tell me did you ever hear of the rebellion?"
"Belliun?" echoed Willie as he thrust his fingers into his mouth and out again with a pop that made the children titter. "Neber heerd ob nuffin else epseps de belliun."
"What is a traitor, dear boy?"
"Tater?" "What sort er tater, sweet tator ur Orish tater?" enquired Willie.
"Perhaps I may teach the little heathen to understand," said the school marm, suggestively. "Willie," she asked "What do you call that gentleman who lives in that fine house over the way?"
"Calls him!" again repeated Willie, "I calls him po white trash; what dos yer call him?"
"Oh dear, dear, dear," screamed the teacher utterly bewildered. One more time she exclaimed "James, come here," and another little negro as black as tar with one eye closed by a great knot upon it came forward. "What is the matter, James, with your face?"
"Umph!" grunted James, "Specks if yer seed whar I been you'd know 'dout axin. Dat ar boy has been scrougin me lak I wus a trabball."
"James, if you are a bad boy do you know where you will go when you die?" asked the lady.
"Umph," exclaimed James, "I haint eben a studdin erbout which erway I'm a gwine arter I die. I'm studdin which erway I'm ergwine arter I git outen dat ar do. See dat ar boy a shaking he hed?" "He sez how dat ef I cum by his mudders house agwine to my mudders house he's agwine to scrouge me sum mo, und I'm skeert to go tuther way."
"One other question" (half aside), "James, if you live to be a man what are you going to do for a living?"
"Gwine to do?" said James, "I'm agwine to be a lyer, so I kin set in de kote house und sass de jedge." And thus the farce went on day after day under the shadow of Ingleside.
Clarissa caught a depredating urchin trying to stand upon his head in a half-filled barrel of crushed sugar in the pantry and said to herself "You stays dar twell I get me er plank," and creeping like a cat back again, and taking a fresh purchase on the board, she came down upon "de middle ships of dat dar ar yungun lak er buzzum of struction; pend upon it, Miss Alice, dat ar niggar is er flying twill yit wid sweetnin nuff to last twell de July flies cum agin."
"This nest of dirt-daubers," as Colonel Seymour fitly described the school, became a nuisance that must be abated by hook or crook. The law was nothing more than a great stalking shadow. "If I could only secure the services of Jake Flowers the regulator, thought the old man, "he and I shall be a law unto ourselves."
This was the man whom Colonel Seymour desired as his file leader upon the drill ground when the stalking shadow of the law failed to keep time to the music, a law unto himself, whose forum should be "thar or tharabouts" on the Ingleside plantation.
Jake Flowers the regulator had violated a law of the Sabbath by working out some devilish invention, which, he observed with satisfaction, to his wife, would keep the coroner sitting upon corpses until "the craps were smartly out of the grass." The regulator stood in the open door, looking out upon the great sheets of water that were falling from the clouds. As he stood in his muddy boots, with both hands deep down into his pockets, his carrotty hair in great shocks standing out of a crownless hat as if an electric current had just passed through it, he was picturesque in the extreme.
"Sally Ann!" he exclaimed "I am thinking."
"Well, think agen," Sally Ann answered tartly, "That mout fetch back old Nance and the biddies." Sally Ann had been pouting ever since Jake went to jail for the loss of her setting hen and the chicks.
"You haint got no call to go back on me, on the occasion of the old hen and the nigger," said Jake seriously. "Hit wus providence or hit wus the guvement, and twixt the two they has got a mighty prejudy agen a poor man; when hit comes ter shullikin and pilferen they is hard to hender. Weuns haint no more than dandy-lions in the path of the harrycane; leastwise weuns kaint hit back.
"Nor hit haint providence; nor hit haint the guvement, nor hit haint prejudy," Sally Ann replied angrily "Hit are pine blank cussedness. Some folks is onnery Jake, and it is like the swamp-ager, hit is powerful raging when the crap is knee-deep in the grass. I shouldn't wonder nary bit and grain if Andy's crap aint in the yallers same as ourn." This was said very provokingly, and Jake felt the sting of the reproof.
"Jeminy-cracky!" he exclaimed in a passion, "Harkee Sally, hit is tit fur tat; be ye a pinin fur another fellow?"
"Why I guess maybe—I reckon—I mout assist yu'uns, leastwise I haint a going to stand in yu'unsway." The regulator looked down as by accident into the cradle: there was the sleeping babe, the pledge of a love that had been hedged in all these days by privations, and his heart went out toward his wife with the old time affection.
"Naw Sally Ann" he exclaimed with a husky voice, "Weuns kaint part when there is no one to come betwixt us; weuns kaint say good-bye twell yuuns is on yon side of the river."
The roses had faded out of the cheek of his wife, but there was the old-fashioned sparkle in her eye; there was the old time love in her heart, crossed sometimes by the perverse nature of her lord and master.
"Haint you made your will Jake?" asked Sally-Ann half seriously.
"Naw is you skeert honey?"
"Andy has done and made hissen and fetched it over here to read last Sunday when you wus gone to the mash and hit read like scriptur."
Jake had been envious of Andy Vose for some time. When the need of the country for men good and true had been most urgent, Vose had deserted to the ranks of the enemy, and now he counted his flocks and herds by the score. Jake was also jealous of the attentions the scalawag was from time to time showing his young wife; these visits occurred most frequently in the absence of the regulator, and these intrusions as he felt they were, gave him alarm. After reflection, Jake concealing his suspicions remarked with apparent unconcern, "Read like scriptur, I'll be dorg gone!" "I haint got no call to make a will like Andy, honey. De nigger officer levelled on old Nance and the biddies, and the live stock has run plum out epsepting the babe and it is yourn any way honey."
This man was a terror to the freedmen. They had a tradition among themselves that the very last seen of the regulator until after the war was over was his ascension in a cloud of fire and smoke into "de elements" holding fast to a dead negro. Jake said that this was "pintedly" true, but that he came down again as his captain was going up who told him when he had fairly lit to "charge bagonets." In the language of the plains this Jake Flowers was an "eye opener." His personal attractions he said had been spoilt by the blamed war. I am not sure that the name of Jake Flowers appears upon the bloody roster of battles lost and won; but for his doings at the Crater fight, so Jake has observed, historians would have reversed the incidents of that bloody day.
He claimed always to be the "Survival of the Fittest" and with the blind faith of the Moslem he believed that there was a "Providence that shapes our ends, rough hew them as we may."
His favorite posture whenever animated was as follows; he would sit with his right leg crossed over his left, gently swaying his foot, with his bearded chin resting reposefully in the palm of his hand, with the fore and middle finger forming the letter V and pressed to his lips; through which he would now and then expectorate; the man was also spavined in the right knee joint that caused him to walk like a sailor on his "sea legs." Like other men he had his delusions and whether good or evil, they were the rule of action of his life. Jake was the reinforcement vehemently demanded in this conjuncture. "With the regulator armed and equipped, the enemy will flee without taking order as to its line of march," thought the old man.
"I am utterly bewildered; can you help me Mr. Flowers to drive these vermin from my home?" he asked the regulator.
"Wall, now," drawled the regulator, "I reckon I mout ef I am not pestered ur nuthing; which eend do yer expect me to take holt of?"
Jake gave an extra motion to his spavined leg and looked up quizzically into the rigid face of the old man.
"Clean them out sir, root and branch, if you will, sir!" exclaimed the Colonel.
"Prezactly so," ejaculated the regulator, "Prezactly so," he reiterated. "Does yer mean it pine blank, mister?" he again asked.
"Yes, yes, emphatically I do," responded Colonel Seymour.
"Drat my buttons if the thing haint done and did!" the regulator answered with emphasis and taking his leave observed, "I'll see you later, mister."
"If I kin regulate this kentry as it had orter to be did, there wont be a biggerty nigger twixt here and Filadelfy," and he passed into a little copse of woods that skirted his own humble domain.
The autumn days had come—Nature was preparing a more elaborate toilet in her great boudoir—replenishing her exhausted stock of aromatics to besprinkle the fields and forests, the glades and the hills; painting the leaves with irridescent tints and even the sky with a mellow, refreshing beauty; and in this excess of toil. Alice saw the handiwork of Him who holds in the palm of His hand this great sphere.
She looked upward to the twinkling stars and it seemed to her as if God had relumed the heavens with a brightly diffused glow of love. God the Creator and man the creature—the Sovereign and the rebel, brought into apposition with each other through the supernal harmonies of His universal realm.
But the child was sad this beautiful October night. The birds were nodding quietly in the old rookery; there was no music in the air, for the winds under a coverlid of emerald and amber and carmine had gone fast to sleep in the trees, and the tintinnabulation of the little bells in the meadows had ceased altogether.
"If I could whisper to the stars what I would like to have them know of my unhappy life they would sympathize and perhaps they would whisper back.
"Poor forlorn child! How we pity you!"
"Tomorrow," she said reflectively, "I shall be twenty-four years of age, and oh, how all encompassing has been the evil. Every picture that glides athwart my heart is broken: every idol that I have fondly loved is nothing more than an effigy. Delusions follow delusions; what is life but a burden? If we look forward there are demons: if we look backward there are coffins."
The poor wearied girl, sad and without hope, fell asleep in her mother's chair as softly as if the angels were rocking the dear old chair and singing the old nursery lullabies; they must have kissed her heavy eyelids down; so profound, so tranquil was her slumber.
When she awoke the little birds were singing as cheerily all around her in the magnolias and oaks as if their little tongues were touched with the spirit of her happy dreams.
The cloud that overcast her face was gone and she went into the kitchen where Clarissa was absorbed in her duties.
Clarissa exclaimed as she entered the kitchen, "Miss Alice, whar in de name ob commun sense has yer been all dis time? Here I's been a cummun and ergwine, a ransackin dis house high and low fur yer. Didn't yer heer me callin yer, missis? I spishuned yar wus in ole marser's room fast asleep."
Alice was obliged to confess, a little shamefacedly, that she had fallen asleep in the little alcove in the verandah and had slept so soundly that she heard no noises until awakened by the twittering of the birds in the over-arching bower.
"Sakes alive, missis," exclaimed Clarissa "sum ob dese nites a grate big snake is ergwine to drap rate down into yer lap und sting yer moest to def. How dos yer feel missis arter dis toxication?" the negress asked solicitously.
"Quite well, I thank you, Clarissa, my sleep was ever so refreshing," replied Alice smilingly.
"What does yer fink dem pizened yung warmints dud and dun yestiddy? Yu knowed ole Bob Sal, dat ar ole fafeful mousin cat of ourn? Whar yer fink I foun dat po ole cat, missis?"
"I am sure I do not know, Clarissa, I hope the negroes have not hurt him," answered Alice.
"Deed they has too! Drowned to def in de hogshead, wid a brick tied erround him. Dey is de outdaciousest yunguns I ebber seed in my born days. Dere haint no telling what dey has dun und gon und dun to dis heer plantashun, dat dey aint!"
"I am sorry," exclaimed Alice, "Is the cat quite dead, Clarissa?" she asked.
"Ded!" exclaimed Clarissa, "Sakes alive, ef yer wus to see him yer wud fink dat he had been ded all his life, dat yer wud. Has yer seen ole Jube?" Clarissa continued.
"Yes, he is in the verandah," Alice replied.
"Ugh, Ugh! Glad ob dat. Fust fing Jube knows he'll be hobblin er round on two legs ef he aint kilt rite ded. De outdacious niggers! I wushes dey wus run outen de lan."
Clarissa heard ole Jube bark, and looking out of the kitchen window she saw the regulator shuffling along in his slip-shod way with an old haversack slung over his shoulder coming toward the front verandah and observed with some perturbation.
"Miss Alice, dos yer know de truf. I'm pintedly skeered ob dat speckled face white man. He luks pine blank lak de kommisary ob de debbill hissef. He aint arter no good on dis heer plantashun. De fust fing enybody knows dere is ergwine to be de biggest flustrashun on dis lan yer ever heerd in yer born days und nobody is agwine to know de heds nur tails ov it. Look at dat ar wun eye of his'n farely blazin lak a log-heep in de new ground in de nite time," and Clarissa shuddered as if the clutch of the "kommisary" was already upon her.
"I have heard very strange stories about the man" said Alice very solemnly, as if humoring the ignorant old woman's apprehensions.
"Deed I has too," she replied, "Und if dey is kerrect dat ar creetur haint no human no how," and Clarissa shuddered again even more violently; "Hit natally makes my flesh creep lak santipedes," she exclaimed with fear. "Haint yu dun und heerd how dat Koo-kluck mommucked up brudder Joshaway, Miss Alice?" asked Clarissa. "'Grate King!' How in de name of de hebbens dat ole nigger ever retched dry lan eny mo wid all dat skeer 'pon him, I haint never skivered. He lowed how dat hit wur provedense, but den twixt me and yu Miss Alice und not to go no fudder, Joshaway is allus ergwine wun way und provedense de tuther. Yander he cums now lak wun of dem ole cranksided rare hosses, und I'm ergwine to fetch him sum wittles rite fo yo eyes und den yu mout ax him fur yosesef."
Joshua came up quite feebly, swathing his black face with his red handkerchief and bowed humbly to his former mistress.
"Now yu mout ax him, Miss Alice, arter he wours up dat last moufful, and I lay hit will fetch de creeps ober yu same as de mash ager."
The old negro seemed very grateful for the appetizing food and in a heartfelt way thanked Alice over and over again.
"Mout I sing er Mishinary hime, yung missis?" he asked deferentially after he had eaten the last morsel.
"Yes, indeed," replied Alice "I will be delighted to hear you." And he sang very plaintively:
"Oh Kanyun, sweet Kanyun when shall I see,
When shall I git dere?"
After he had concluded the song the young lady asked sympathetically,
"I am told that you had quite an unhappy experience at the creek a few nights ago Uncle Joshua? Can you tell me about it?" Joshua groaned and then answered with a display of feeling.
"Twas wusser dan er sperience, yung missis," as he wiped the perspiration from his face, "twas een wusser dan er yuthshake. Grate Jarryko! 'twas een mo wusser dan de war."
"Ugh! Ugh! I tole yu so!" ejaculated Clarissa.
"But den," continued the old negro "Hit mouter been een wusser ef provedense hadn't pinted dese heer foots to de hilands."
"Grate King!" again exclaimed Clarissa; "How cum yu flounderin erbout in dat dere cole warter dat time of nite, brudder Joshaway?"
"How come I dare?" he replied. "Haint yu heerd ob dem evul sperrets in de Scriptur dat de sliding elder calls de leepers? Well den, dat's how cum I dare. How cum de koo kluck dare? How cum de drownded nigger dare? Yu sees, missis, dis heer bellyun haint made mishunarys und possells outen evybody. Dare's de Mefferdises und de harryticks und de Hardsides, und when dey's all flung togedder in a loblolly, wid dare grace und dare fafe und dare speriences, dat's de werry bestest time dese leepers has fur dare Crismus, er probin disserway und datterway, kase dem dare leepers dey spishuns dat whay dare is sich a mixtry ob de lams ob de flock dare's bleeged ter be now und den er harrytick; dey sees sum ob de lams er runnin wid grace und tuther wuns er graplin onter provedense, und den ergin tuther wuns er seein wishuns in de day time, und dem leepers mout ez soon git tangled up wid er Mishunary ez er harrytick er Hardside; und dat's how I cum ter git kotched. Don't you see missis?"
"Were you thrown into the water by some evil-designing person, Uncle Joshua?" asked Alice with a natural inquisitiveness.
Joshua groaned again; "Ugh-h-h-h!" he shuddered.
"Haint yu ergwine ter tell her de fust und last ob it' Joshaway?" asked Clarissa, impatiently.
"Ef I hed one leetle moufful o' backer hit mout tak de ambishun outen de tale, und den I mout tell hit mo strater. Haint yu got narry crumb missis, dat I mout fling ergin dis ole akefied snag? Dare now; dis backer is sho good! Now den, Sis Clarsy, ef yu ceeses yo mirashuns I'm ergwine ter tell young missis how it all cum erbout frum de werry fust mencement ter de latter eend."
"Grate Jarryko! hit puts dese here fousan-leg santypedes er rastlin under my westcote when I draps back to dat ar casuality. Ugh-h-h-h!" he shuddered again. "Now den, de tale goes disserway: Dare cum erlong by my house in de shank of de nite dis yer furriger. I calls him a furriger, but I spishuns his rite name is Koo-kluck (I'm monstrous skeert o' dat white man ennyhow)—"
"Ugh-h-h-h!" shuddered Clarissa.
"Und he ups und sez, sez he, 'Joshaway, a woice is ergwine ter cum arter erwhile to yo house, und don't yu go ergin it, und den I'd no whey de munny is.' Dem wuz de werry wurds he spoke, missis, bress yo life. Und den I ups und sez, sez I, How's I ergwine ter tell dat woice frum de tuther wuns? Kase dare is de hoppergrasses und de cattle beastes er woicin simultaneous all de time eroun my house; und den he sez, sez he, 'Hits er cummin frum de hellyments.' Jes so. Well den, sho nuff de woice did cum dat werry nite, pine plank jess lak he sed fur de wurrel, und hit wur er mity solumkolly woice, same ez de whinkering ob Mars Jon's wun-eyed mule down in de mash in de snow wen de fodder is all gin out. Hit called 'Joshaway! Joshaway!' jess lak dat, und Hanner she heerd it, (peers lak she's allus studdin erbout dem rone hosses und de munny, when her mind ain't er runnin on de sliden elder und de love feast down at Filadelfy meetin house), und she ups und sez, sez she, 'Joshaway, is yu gwine? Yu mout git de munny und den ergin yu moutn't.' But I seed dat her mouts wuz mo stronger dan her moutn'ts, und I drug de ole happysack outen de bofat, und den I sez, sez I, yes, I'm ergwine. Und bimeby I gits ter de crick. Well, de moon hit wur rite over yander under de seben storrs und peered lake hit wur er larfin und er larfin ter itsef wid er mouf dat retched frum yur to yur und wun eye shot rite tite.
"Dare wuz de line tide ter de willer tree sho nuff, jess lak hit sed, und hit peered lak hit were er tusselin wid a mity ambishun wid de drownded happysack, er shassain disserway und den ergin datterway, lak yu seed wun o' dese cow-eetch wines fo now er raslin in a mill race; und I sez to mysef, sez I, Joshaway, yu's got a sho nuff bite dis time, und hit haint er catfish nudder, nur hit aint er allynipper."
"Oh, my hebbens!" again vociferated Clarissa.
"Und den I drug und drug und drug, und bimeby I seed dat fish's two eyes. Ugh-h-h-h! Und den I drapped back into de crick drownded to def. Ugh-h-h-h!"
"Grate King," shouted Clarissa. "Wuz yu sho nuff drounded to def, brudder Joshaway?"
"Und den when I seed dat niggers too eyes of hissen und—ugh-h-h-h!"
"Hung to de hook!" shrieked Clarissa interrogatively.
"To be sho, to be sho," replied Joshua with irritation; "Duz yu spishun hit wur hung to de gallus? Und ez I drapped missis, ez I drapped," he continued, "I flung out dese too hands jess so missis, und kotched holt of er nudder nigger drounded to def by er sarcumstance dat haint neber been skivvered."
"Und den yer cum too ergin?" queried Clarissa shaking with excitement.
"Naw chile," Joshua answered with gravity, "I haint neber cum too no mo, dat I haint."
Jake had another delusion—that to do your work without makin mistakes "yer must obsarve the consequences."
The old Colonel after he had finished his toilet walked out into the verandah where he observed Jake ambling toward the house and singing in a monotone an old army doggerel of questionable merit,
"He who fights and runs away,
Will live to fight another day,
But he who is in battle slain:
Will never live to fight again."
The regulator walked up the stone steps into the verandah with a leer in his countenance, satan-like in its expression.
Old Jube slunk away with a sidelong glance at the regulator as if he quite agreed with Clarissa that "He wus not a humans, nohow," and coiled himself up for the nap that had been needlessly interrupted at the other end of the verandah.
"Now then sir, how do you propose to proceed in this business?"
"I aint er going to proceed, the percession cums at the latter eend. Now yer just hold yer breath, mister, twill I fix my curlecules, and then you can crack your whip and the percession will start to the cemetery with music by the band."
The regulator filled a doubled barrel army canteen full of gunpowder, and attached to it a fuse that would burn half an hour before exploding. After doing this he said to the Colonel,
"When yer sees the Yankee school-marm er coming just call off the cussed niggers, twill I can plant hit."
Colonel Seymour drew from his pocket a dozen or more pennies as he caught sight of the school marm riding down the road in her dogcart.
"Here, ye varmints!" he cried, and he threw one piece of money at the time in the grass and the negroes scrambled for it like a flock of geese over scattered grains of corn.
Simultaneously with the stroke of the old-fashioned clock, came an explosion that recalled the Crater with all its horrors to the regulator.
Clarissa ran out of the kitchen screaming, "Murder! Fire! the Yankees is er comin. Great king, mars Jon, de ruf and de chimney on de offis is dun blowed clean erway. In de name of Gord, what wus dat, ole marsa? Grate Jerusalam! which er way did dat harrykin cum from? De road is fairly er workin wid yung niggers widdout arms or legs ergwine er bellering every which erway. Fo Gord, de last time I seed dat er Yankee wumun she wus er flying fru de medder lak er white herrun!"
After the smoke of battle had cleared the regulator sneaked up to the Colonel with a broad grin upon his face with the enquiry, "Did I do that er job kerrect, mister?"
I'm ergwine back lak dat prodigle man dat et up dem corn cobs way out yander to de tuther eend o' de yearth.