Our Show / A Humorous Account of the International Exposition in Honor of the Centennial Anniversary of American Independence, from Inception to Completion, Including Description of Buildings, Biographies of Managers, Receptions of Foreign Dignitaries, Opening Ceremonies, Poem, Oration, Amusing Survey of All Departments, Incidents, Etc., Etc.

by David Solis Cohen; H. B. Sommer

CONTENTS.

CHAPTER I.
	PAGE
“THE SPARK.” . . . How it all came about	[9]
CHAPTER II.
“THE FUEL.” . . . What the women did	[14]
CHAPTER III.
“THE COOKS.” . . . Who fed the flames	[21]
CHAPTER IV.
“THE LOOKERS ON.” . . . Who came to be warmed	[27]
CHAPTER V.
“THE CRACKLING.” . . . Preparations for the blaze	[34]
CHAPTER VI.
“THE FIRE.” . . . Who flared and how they did it	[40]
CHAPTER VII.
“THE REFLECTIONS.” . . . Shadows, shapes, and those who made them	[50]
CHAPTER VIII.
“THE GLOW.” . . . Who helped and who enjoyed it	[58]
CHAPTER IX.
“THE FLICKERING.” . . . How it dimmed and how it brightened	[66]
CHAPTER X.
“THE SMOKE.” . . . How it went up	[75]

OUR SHOW.

OUR SHOW.

CHAPTER I.
“THE SPARK.” ... How it all came about.

If the late Christopher Columbus, Esq., could have foreseen, as an indirect result of his little excursion in the spring of 1492, the infliction of the following pages upon posterity, Mr. Columbus, very likely, would have stayed at home. Think kindly, therefore, of the dead; let no blame attach to him. Perhaps a few remarks concerning the ancient mariner may prove instructive to the reader. Being both happy and able to impart useful and interesting information, we cheerfully devote a paragraph to the defunct navigator.

The capitalists of our country are familiar with Christopher, principally through a cut of that nautical gentleman which an artistic government has placed upon the reverse side of its five-dollar bills. The elevated cross in the hands of the piratical-looking monk kneeling beside him, has given rise to a wide-spread belief that Mr. Columbus was a bishop or a cardinal. It is our duty to dispel this grievous misconception. He was simply a Brazilian sea captain, who believed there were two sides to every question, even to such a serious question as the world. Having taught Queen Isabella of Spain, who had not then abdicated, how to make an egg stand and drink an egg-flip, she gave him, under the influence of the latter, command of the steamer “Mayflower,” with permission to row out and see what he could find. He landed at Plymouth Rock; discovered the city of Boston, first, by special request, being presented with the freedom of The Common by the grateful inhabitants, and welcomed in a neat speech by Mrs. Harriet Byron Stowe.

Shortly after this, George III. of England commanded that all the male children born in the Colonies should be cast into the Atlantic ocean. He also advanced the price of postage stamps. These injustices were more than the people could stand; they met in Concord, and drove the British out of Lexington. This alarmed George, who immediately passed the famous “stamp act,” and telegraphed to Benjamin Franklin, then postmaster at Philadelphia, authorizing him to distribute free rations of postage stamps three times a day. But the wires clicked back the touching refrain—

“Too late! Too late! Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these ‘too late.’

Yours, Ben.”

Benjamin then convened a job lot of patriots at Philadelphia, and they resolved that these United States were, and of right ought to be, free and easy. Commodore John Hancock, of the Schuylkill Navy, was chairman of the convention. On motion of Robert Morrissey (whose nephew John, late M. C. from New York, inherits his uncle’s statesmanlike and financial abilities), a bell to proclaim liberty was purchased for the State-House steeple. They practised economy in those brave days, and bought a cracked one, because they got it at half price. It is still in Independence Hall, a monument of our veracity.

The world knows well what followed, and ’tis well for the world that it does. General Cornwallis finally surrendered to General Scott at the Germantown Intersection. The “Junction” depot now marks the spot. So, dismissing our historical reminiscences, we would respectfully request both the gentle and the savage reader, to imagine, after the manner of the modern drama, the lapse of one hundred years, ere we proceed with the second act.

This century being buried in that popular mausoleum, the vast ocean of eternity, a universally expressed desire to celebrate the nation’s centennial birthday in a style befitting its present power and importance, gradually assumed the form of an International Exposition, to be held during six months of the year 1876. Philadelphia was selected as the site, partly on account of historical associations and the proprietorship of the cracked bell, but principally to gratify the inhabitants of the adjoining Dutch settlement, New York.

Congress was naturally appealed to for countenance and assistance. Unfortunately, however, Congress, having bestowed all its material aid upon railroad and steamship subsidies, had nothing but its moral support to offer. Having a large stock of this commodity, it was tendered with the usual CONGRESSIONAL
MODESTY. modesty and circumspection which marks the action of that body in national affairs. The President was authorized to invite the world to the Exposition—without expense to Congress. Philadelphia was granted permission to hold the Exposition—without expense to Congress; each State was allowed the privilege of appointing a commission—without expense to Congress; and, to be brief, the economic representatives of the people resolved that these United States might go in and have a good time generally—without expense to Congress.

Jubilant with this encouragement, the State Commissioners organized an Executive Committee, which appointed a Board of Finance, and auxiliary committees upon everything and anything, including mining, manufactures, calisthenics, art, science, primogeniture, horticulture, pisciculture, agriculture, infanticulture, and hydrostatics. City committees were constituted. These were jobbed out to wards, and again sublet to precincts, through which domestic juntas were established in every household. Thus the voice of the people woke the echoes of the capitol, and reverberated to the furthermost corners of the universe.

The Building Committee immediately contracted with GEE UP
DOBBINS!Mr. Richard J. Dobbins (the inventor of Dobbins’ electric soap) for the construction of