MR. DANIEL J. MORRELL,
A SECOND DANIEL
COME TO JUDGMENT.the Chairman of the Executive Committee, was changed while an infant in his cradle, and the child of his nurse substituted for him in order to obtain possession of the chateau and estates, we were not thoroughly satisfied that he was entitled to any biography. We called upon him to ascertain what he knew about himself, and were disappointed to find that he was not very well up upon the subject.
We found him a man of fine appearance. He has the eye of a hawk, the nose of an eagle, the hair of a raven, and the cheek of a Colossus of Rhodes—with which he expects some day to start a museum. We informed him why we had called, and at once commenced a list of questions which we had taken the precaution to prepare.
“As a youth, sir, were you gentle, with a sweet disposition?”
“A sugar refinery, gentlemen, wasn’t a circumstance to me.”
“Were you always gay and cheerful and generous beyond measure?”
“I was.”
“Were you ever in love?”
“I decline to criminate myself.”
“Well, Schiller loved once, Goethe many times, which do you consider the most natural?”
“The latter, decidedly.”
“Were you ever jealous?”
“Once.”
“How did you act towards the cause of this feeling?”
“Smothered her with a pillow.”
“Oh, then, you could be a Othello?”
“I could be twenty Othellos; but, gentlemen, as this style of procedure is evidently fatiguing to you, suppose I relate my story without questioning, eh? James, a bottle of champagne and a box of those victorias for the gentlemen.
“Your Money or Your Life.”
“I was born,” he continued, “on the Island of Borneo. My mother was a decendant of the noble Italian family of McLaughlini; my father was also of noble birth; he never walked afoot; he always drove a carriage—for the man who owned it. Cast upon the world at a tender age, I went to England and took up my residence on Hounslow Heath—maybe you’ve heard of the place. Always of a playful disposition, I invented a pretty little game called ‘Your money or your life,’ which I taught to all the lonely travellers who passed my neighborhood, to cheer them on their way. They generally used to leave me their pocket books, watches, and whatever valuables they had about them, so gratified were they with my attention. The Royal Family soon heard of me and despatched a regiment of guards to conduct me to London. Naturally modest, I endeavored to avoid this distinction, shunning a meeting with the deputation as long as I possibly could. At last I found myself compelled, as it were, to accompany the party. I was conducted to a grand stone building of immense proportions and solidity of design, in which, apartments had been prepared for me. From thence I was introduced at Court, and, upon the suggestion of the Lord Chief Justice of England, the apartments in the granite building were placed at my disposal for six months, after which time he desired me, in the name of the government, to address a public meeting of citizens and officials from a raised platform, in Newgate Yard, hinting that the address would be followed by my immediate elevation to a high position. My sensitive nature shrunk from this display. Not wishing, however, to offend the gentlemen delegated to attend me, I remained quiet as to my plans for avoiding it until the opportunity I waited for offered. Then, weaving my bed clothing into a rope, I let myself down through the chimney and hurried home to America, without saying adieu to them. They were sorry to lose me, and offered quite a large reward for my return if living, or my body, if dead, designing, no doubt, in the latter case, to give me a grand funeral. But I have ever preferred a quiet private life to the elevation they tendered me. That is all, gentlemen.”
“We are obliged to you, Daniel; good morning.”
“Good morning: but recollect, gentlemen, I am entered according to the Act of Congress, in the Eastern District of Pennsylvania, and any infringement will be punished according to law; you understand? Good morning.”