Our Show / A Humorous Account of the International Exposition in Honor of the Centennial Anniversary of American Independence, from Inception to Completion, Including Description of Buildings, Biographies of Managers, Receptions of Foreign Dignitaries, Opening Ceremonies, Poem, Oration, Amusing Survey of All Departments, Incidents, Etc., Etc.

by David Solis Cohen; H. B. Sommer

THE PATENT LOAN OFFICE EXHIBITION

astonished and frightened the land.

Everything was to be borrowed;A LOAN—
AND FROM HOME. nothing bought and still less paid for. The idea was attractive. A wide field was opened for feminine ingenuity. Each aid immediately locked her own umbrella carefully away, and called upon her friends when the weather was cloudy.

The Franciscan Monastery, on Rittenhouse Square, was the largest article loaned to the Committee, they having declined the offer of a Frankford brickyard; and in this building the exhibition was held. Three beautiful gilded balls were extended from the attic window, and on them the neighboring residents gazed in silent rapture. A great demand was created for articles one hundred years old and upwards. Old pots, pans, and dishes were suddenly endowed with incalculable value. We ourselves worked industriously to produce relics. Our aforementioned relations in esse and in posse, acknowledged the loan of an old brick into which we had pounded a new bullet, with a fervor which more than repaid our disinterested patriotism. The sweet smile and kindly glance with which they accepted a pair of old army breeches, which we had purchased for seventy cents and riddled with augur holes, haunts us still. Nay, when we attended the exhibition, and saw an old lady reverently kiss a yellow handkerchief, which we had borrowed from an hostler of our acquaintance, and labelled “Lafayette,” we retired to a side apartment and wept tears of joy. We had afforded that old lady a gratifying reminiscence for the remainder of her existence.

The Washington family came out particularly strong. In a pavilion in the garden, seventeen aged females were seated. They had nursed little George in his baby days. With undisguised emotion they exhibitedGEORGE’S
INDIVIDUAL
CONTRIBUTION. 21 cradles, 66 gum rings, 423 hatchets, and half a bottle of soothing syrup, all of which, they asserted, had been the property of the father of his country during his infantile years. They also possessed among them an aggregate of 34,621 buttons, which they had purloined at different times from the dear child’s vestment.

This was considered as George’s individual contribution.

The remainder of the family were not behindhand. They sent a few of their plates, spoons, forks, ladles, etc.; not many, only about enough to start a first-class hotel. As for family Bibles, they must have had a sufficient quantity to have allowed each member of the family a new one every day of the week and two on Sundays. There were chairs and sofas enough to seat the entire continental army, and about five wagon loads of miscellaneous furniture and chattels. Heavens, what an establishment those Washingtons must have kept!

It would be useless to attempt an enumeration of the wonders on hand and made to order for this occasion. Suffice it to say the ladies borrowed everything they could borrow, and what they couldn’t borrow they—didn’t have.

Two rooms were set apart for broken and unbroken china, which (again in compliment to Mrs. Gillespie’s native tongue) were called Bric a brac apartments.

The exhibition was open to the public for six weeks with a table à la carte in the dining-room. The net profit was close on to seventy-five dollars.

And after all this work, after obtaining from them all these ducats, what did the centennial magnates say to the ladies?

“Ladies,” said they, “we have taken your money; we have urged you to labor; we have induced you, in the person of our special partner, to travel to sister cities to persuade the daughters of our land to make a proper exhibition of their importance and standing in this home of equal rights; but, ah, unfortunately, we shall not be able to allow you any space in our buildings; the old women of China, the aged females of Timbuctoo claim it, and if you want to display that standing and importance we have mentioned, why—ah—here are plans for a building; take them, get up a side show for yourselves, pay for it yourselves, and be—happy.”

CHAPTER III.
“THE COOKS.” ... Who fed the flames.

Our record would be incomplete if we failed to insert a few brief biographical sketches of some of the personages prominently connected with the conduct of the Centennial celebration. We regret being obliged to limit the list to a very few of the many deserving of the honor. The facts which we relate in regard to them, have been industriously gathered from many sources probably unknown even to the parties themselves. Should we succeed in awakening one soul to pure aspiring action—should we be the means of placing one pair of feet into those “footprints on the sands of time” which lead to honored greatness—our labor has not been in vain.