LETTER LII.
On the day succeeding that on which the agent of Hyat Sahib had held the discourse with me, mentioned in my last Letter but one, I was again sent for, and brought to the same person, who asked me, whether I had duly considered of the important offer made me by Hyat Sahib, and of the consequences likely to result from a refusal? and he apprised me at the same time, that the command of five thousand men was an honour which the first Rajahs in the Mysorean dominions would grasp at with transport. I told him I was well convinced of the honour such a command would confer on any man but an Englishman, whose Country being the object of Hyder’s incessant hostility, would make the acceptance of it infamy——that although I knew there were but too many Englishmen apostates to their Country, I hoped there were but few to be found in India willing to accept of any emoluments, however great, or any temptations, however specious, to fly from the standard of their Country, and rally round that of its bitterest enemy——that, for my own part, being of a name ever foremost in the ranks of loyalty and patriotism, and of a family that had hitherto detracted nothing from the honours of that name, such an act of apostacy would be peculiarly infamous in me, and I could view it in no better light than traitorous and parricidal——that, independent of all those claims, which were of themselves sufficient to deter me, I felt within myself a principle, perhaps innate, perhaps inspired by military habit, that forbade my acceding——and, finally, appealed, to the good sense of Hyat Sahib, whether a man who in such circumstances had betrayed his Country, and sacrificed her interests to his own convenience[convenience], was such a person as confidence could properly be put in.
Notwithstanding these, and a thousand other remonstrances, which I cannot immediately recollect, but which the hazards of my situation suggested, he still continued to press me, and used every argument, every persuasion, that ingenuity could dictate, or hints of punishment enforce, to shake my purpose——but in vain: attachment to Country and Family rose paramount to all other considerations; and I gave a peremptory, decisive refusal.
Circumstanced as I was, it was impossible for me to keep an accurate journal of the various incidents that passed, or vicissitudes of thought that occurred, during the period of my imprisonment. Indeed, I was scarcely conscious of the length of my captivity, and could not, till I was released, determine exactly how long it had continued. You must therefore content yourself to be told in general terms, that I was repeatedly urged on the subject by fair persuasives: they then had recourse to menace; then they withheld the daily pittance allowed for my support; and at length proceeded to coercion, tying a rope round my neck, and hoisting me up to a tree. All this, however, I bore firmly: if it had any effect, it was to confirm me in my resolution, and call in policy to the aid of honour’s dictates. Every man of feeling or reason must allow, that it was better to die, than live a life of subjection to tyranny so truly diabolical.
Mr. Hall and I, thus drove to the brink of extinction, yet consoled ourselves with the reflection, that those whom most we loved were not sharing our unhappy fate, and were fortunately ignorant of our sufferings; and as I enjoyed perfect good health, hope yet lived within me.
There is a spring, an elasticity, in every man’s mind, of which the owner is rarely, very rarely conscious, because fortunately the occasions seldom occur in which it can be brought to the proof; for, as lassitude is the necessary forerunner of refreshment, so is extreme dejection to the most vigorous exercise of our fortitude. So I found it: as the horrors of my situation thickened round me, I felt my spirits increase; my resolution became more firm, my hopes more sanguine——I even began to look forward, and form projects for the future: whole hours amusement, every day and every night, arose from the contemplation of my beloved boy; I in imagination traced his growth, directed his rising sentiments, formed plans for his future success and prosperity, and indulged by anticipation in all the enjoyment which I now trust I shall yet have in his ripened manhood.
Thus we continued for many months, during which no alteration whatsoever took place in our treatment or situation. We heard a thousand contradictory reports of victories gained over the English, and again of some successes on their part: they, however, desisted to press me into their service. The only relief from our sufferings lay in the resources of our own minds, and in our mutual endeavours to please and console one another: the circumstances of aggravation were the necessity of daily bearing witness to the most barbarous punishments inflicted upon wretched individuals under the semblance of justice, and the occasional deprivation of our food, either by the fraud of the Sepoys who attended us, or the caprice or cruelty of their superiors. It is but justice, however, to say, that they were not all alike: some overflowed with mercy, charity, and the milk of human kindness; while others, again, were almost as bad men as the Sovereigns they served. We were not allowed the use of pen, ink, or paper; and very seldom could afford ourselves the luxury of shaving, or clean linen: nor were we at all sheltered from the inclemency of the weather, till at length a little room was built for us of mud, which being small and damp, rendered our situation worse than it was before.
The prisoner whom I have already mentioned, as having, in the time of the former Sovereign, held the first office in Bidanore, still continued opposite to me; and he and I at length began to understand each other, and found means, by looks, signs and gestures, to exchange thoughts, and hold an intercourse of sentiments together. From the circumstance of his being a native, and better skilled in the language than me, he had much better intelligence than I could possibly have, and he was always eager to convey to me any circumstance or news that he thought might be agreeable: some messages also passed between us, by means of the Sepoys who had alternately been his guard and mine——for our guards were changed every week.
Projects and hopes of a new kind now began to intrude themselves on my thoughts; and I conceived a design, which I flattered myself was not entirely impracticable, to effect an escape, and even a revolt in the place. A variety of circumstances concurred to persuade me, that the tyranny of Hyder, and his servant Hyat Sahib, was abhorred, though none dared to give vent to their sentiments. I thought I could observe that the native prisoner opposite to me was privately beloved, and might, from the recollection of his former dignities, have considerable influence in the place. Several Arcot Sepoys and their Officers (some of them belonging to my own regiment) were also prisoners at large; and withal I recollected, that difficulties apparently more stupendous had been overcome by Englishmen——having often heard it asserted, that there was not a prison in the known world out of which a British subject had not made his escape.
Fraught with those conceptions, I attempted to sound the Officers of the Arcot Sepoys, whether it were not possible for us to effect our escape? So ardent is the flame of Liberty in all men’s breasts, so great is the detestation of human nature to Slavery, that I perceived a manifest willingness in the people about us to join me in an attempt to procure our liberty, or bring about a revolt in the garrison. My heart beat high with the hope; and I began to flatter myself, that the day was not far removed when we should not only bid defiance to our tyrants, but even make them repent the day on which we were cast ashore on their coast.
Having thus distantly sounded all who I thought were likely to concur, upon the practicability of the attempt, and found them, as I conceived, disposed to take share in it, it yet remained to consider of the quomodo——and, after having formed the general outlines of a plan, to lick it into shape. The first of these was a critical consideration: the second required address and management, and was likely to be impeded by the vigilance of the people about, who would not fail to remark, and take the alarm, from any unusual intercourse or discourse between us; and without a mutual communication of thoughts, and full deliberation by all parties concerned, as well as knowledge of the fort and its different gates, nothing could, with any prospect of success, be determined——nothing, without the most imminent hazard, be attempted. I therefore held various councils with my own mind, and with Mr. Hall, on the subject——most of which were abortive, without at all discouraging us.
At last I began to think of sounding the Bidanore prisoner, ci-devant Governor of the place; and determined, if possible, to bring him into our consultations, as I had before hoped to make him a party in the execution of the project: but while I was settling all this much to my own satisfaction, an event occurred which extinguished all my hopes in that way——of which you shall have an account in my next Letter.