17
Miriam felt ashamed of her share in the hairdresser and the chemist. Emma’s jüngling might possibly be a student.... She grieved over the things that she felt were lying neglected, “things in general” she felt sure she ought to discuss with the girls ... improving the world ... leaving it better than you found it ... the importance of life ... sleeping and dreaming that life was beauty and waking and finding it was duty ... making things better, reforming ... being a reformer.... Pater always said young people always wanted to reform the universe ... perhaps it was so ... and nothing could be done. Clearly she was not the one to do anything. She could do nothing even with these girls and she was nearly eighteen.
Once or twice she wondered whether they ever had thoughts about things ... she felt they must; if only she were not shy, if she had a different manner, she would find out. She knew she despised them as they were. She could do nothing. Her fine ideas were no good. She did less than silly little Mademoiselle. And all the time Fräulein thinking she was talking and influencing them was keeping her ... in Germany.