Part III.
Now Jockey and his mither went into the little byre, and held a private meeting, nane present but auld bruckie, and the two brutes the bits a couties.
Mith. Ye silly dog, an he be drown’d to you, how cou’d ye confess sae muckle to maeslie shanket Marion, altho’ she be her mither.
Jock. O mither, mither, say nae mair about it, my ain wand has dung me dourly; sadly have I suffered for that, and ye ken a’ the misery’s com’d o’er our Maggy, my mouth’s the mither o’t, sae ha’d your tongue I tell you now.
Mith. An tell ye me to ha’d my tongue, an ye had a hauden your tongue and your tail, an a done as I bade you, ye hadna hane sae muckle ado the day daft silly dog it thou is.
Jock. Mither, mither, gies nane o’ your mocks nor malice, for tho’ I got the wean, ye hae as muckle the wyte o’t as I Gae seek me out my three new sarks, an Sunday’s shune, an I’se gae whar ne’er man saw my face before, neither wood, water nor wilderness, sall haud me again.
Mith. My braw man Johny, ye mauna do that, stay at hame wi’ me, and set a stout heart till a stay brae, I’se gae to the session wi’ you, gang whan ye like.
Jock. A well mither, I sall do your bidden for ance yet, but whan the minister flytes on me, answer ye him, for I canna speak well again.
Mith. Say nae mair, I hae a pokfu’ o’ perfect petitions to louse an put to him an his elders, and if thou maun gae to their black-stool, it’s no be thy lane sall sit upon’t.
Jock. But mither, whether will I deny the doing o’t or confess the game was at the getting o’t?
Mith. Ay, ay, confess ye did it, but say but ance, and that it was on the terms of marriage, the way that a’ our kintry bystarts is gotten.[11]
Now Jockey being three times summon’d to the session and did not appear, the session insisted for a warrant from the justice of the peace,[12] which was readily granted, more for diversion than justice’ sake, the warrant being given to John King the constable, who went away with Clinkem Bell on Saturday’s morning, and catch’d John just at his breakfast, hauls him awa, ane at ilka oxter like twa butcher dogs hinging at a bull’s beard, his mother followed, driving him up with good counsels, my bra’ man Johny, haud up your head, dinna think shame, for a’ your fauts is but perfect honey, you’re neither a thief, whore nor horse stealer.
Then Maggy ran for uncle Rabby, an uncle Rabby sent to Sandy the Souter of Seggyhole, the Souter saddled his mare, and uncle Rabby got aff at the gallop on his gray powney west the hags, an o’er by Whitehill shough, the nearest, and was at Sir James the justices lang or John was brought into judgment.
John enters, before the justice, with a red, red face, Goode’en Mr. Justice, Sir James, an’t please your honour ye manna put me in prison, for am no malefactor, but a poor honest kintry-man, that was born in an ill planet, my mither says’t I had the ill luck of a misfortune to fa’ foul wi’ furnication, and got my mither’s lass wi’ bairn the last year, and they’re gawn to father’t on me the year again.
The justice smiling, answer’d, indeed John I think it is but very just and reasonable that ye be accountable this year for your last years labours.
Jock. Ay, ay, sir, I have laboured very sair since my father died, but our plough canna get gaun for frost this four days.
Just. Ay but John, that’s no what I mean, it’s the child ye got last year, ye must be answerable for this.
Jock. A deed stir, there was twa o’ them, but there is ane o’ them dead.
Just. A well then John you’ll have the more to give the one that’s alive.
Jock. Oh! but stir, it’s my ain wean that’s dead, the ane I got wi’ my wife; I dinna ken whither the tither be mine or no.
Just. Yours or no sir, when ye told me ye got it; if ye should get it wi’ a beggar wife at the back of a dike what is that to the purpose, when it is of your getting you must maintain it.
Jock. O! yes stir, am no refusing to gie meat and meal to maintain’t; but my mither winna let me to the black-stool.
Just. Why not go to the black-stool, when guilty of such an action as deserves it, if you have any reasons why you should not go, argument it in session and clear yourself if you can.
John’s mother enters, and addresses herself to the servant lass, thinking she was the justice’s lady.
Indeed mistress madam, if ye were a kintry good-wife, like mysel, I could tell you a’ about it, but you that’s gentiles, I canna use freedom wi you, cause I hae na Latin. But waes me we that’s poor fouk is born to mony fealins and backwart faus, this lad is my son, an am his mither, he has had the foul fortune to get a bystart bairn, nae doubt but we hae been a’ guilty o’ as muckle and ne’er a word about it, a what say ye madam?
Off goes the lass, saying, Foul fa’ the wife, for I was never guilty o’t.
Just. Well goodwife, what is the reason but ye let your son give satisfaction to the kirk?
Mith. Deed stir, he’s no denying the bairn, but he’ll no hae the black-stool.
Just. Ay, but I tell you, them that gets a bystart, gets the black-stool to the bargain, and as he is in my hands now, he must find caution that he will answer the session and be subject to the law.
Mith. Ony thing ye like, stir, but that shamfu’ stance, the black stool, here’s uncle Rabby, and auld Sandy the Sutor, will be caution that we’s face the session on Sunday, the lad’s wae enough he did it, but he canna help it now, the weans born and by hand; Sae goodnight wi’ your honour’s ladyship it’s the first time e’er I was before you.
On Sabbath after sermon the session met, John and his mother is call’d upon, he enters courageously, saying, Good-een to you Master Minister, bellman and elders a’, my mither and me is both here.
Mess John. Then let her in, come awa goodwife, What’s the reason you keep your son so long back from answering the session? you see it is the thing you are obliged to do at last.
Mith. Deed stir, I think there needs na be nae mair wark about it, I think when he’s gien the lazy hulke, the mither o’t, baith meal and groats[13] to maintan’t, ye need na fash him, he’s a dutifu’ father indeed, weel a wat, whan he feeds his bystart sae weel.
Mess John. Woman are you a hearer of the gospel? that ye reject the dictates of it, how come you to despise the discipline of the church? Is not offenders to be rebuked and chastised?
Mith. Yes stir, a’ that is very true, but I hae been three or four times through the Bible, and the New Testament, and I never saw a repenting stool in’t a’; then whar cou’d the first o’ them come frae, the Apostles had nane o’ them. But a daft history book tells me, that the first o’ them was used about Rome amang the Papists, and ay whan ony o’ them turn’d Whigs, they were put on a four neuked thing, like a yarn winnle blades, and rave a’ their gouls sindry till they turn’d Papists again: and then for anger they put them on a black stane or stool, in the mids o’ the kirk, and the seck goun about them, wi’ the picture o’ the de’il and Satan on’t, a sweet be wi’ us, we sudna speak o’ the ill thief in the kirk, but it is a mercy the minister’s here an’ he come, but that was the original of your repenting stools, and whan the whigs chas’d awa the Papist fouk out o’ this kintry, they left a wheen o’ their religious pictures, and the stool o’ repentance was amangst the spoil, but yese no get my bairn to set upon a thing as hich as a hen bawk, and ilka body to be glowring at him.[14]
Mess John. Woman I told you formerly that any who refuses submission to the government of the church, is liable to excommunication: and that we are to put the law in execution against adultery and fornication, or the sin thereof, lies partly on our head.
Mith. As for your sin of adultery, I have naething ado wi’t; I ken my son is a fornicator, and ye can neither mak him better nor war nor he is, there’s nae man can keep a standing in their ain hand, fortune I mean, if it be a sin let him confess’t, and forsake it, and wi’s pay the buttock-mail and mak nae mair about it.
Mess John. Goodwife you need not think your son will pass so, more than others that has been before him, he must actually come before the congregation three sabbaths before he be absolved from the scandal, and get the benefit of any church privileges like any other honest man.
Mith. Indeed Mess John, my son will never set his hips upon’t; if he maun come before you, I’se gar him stand a bit a back frae’t and hear what ye hae to say about fornication, twa harmless free bodies, passing their trials to see what they can do, ye that’s whigs may mak enough o’t, but I think na muckle about it.
Mess John. Woman you may go home and see what ye have to do; ye have a very bad tongue: it’s no you we are to take account of.
Mith. Ay, ay, ye that’s ministers and modest fouk may say sae, but if my son had tane as good tent o’ his tail, as I can do o’ my tongue, there had na been sae muckle about it, a wheen silly loons kens na what they were made for, or how to guide a thing whan they get it.
Mess John. Put her out, she’s going to speak baudy.
Mith. O ay, stir, I’se gang out, but I’ll hae my bairn out wi’ me.
Mess John. We must first ask some few questions at him, there is no harm can come on him here.
Mith. For as good company as you think yourselves, I wad rather hae him in anither place.
John’s kept in and his mother put out.
Mess John. Well John, you must tell us whether this child was gotten before ye was married, or since: for I suppose by the time of the birth it is much about the same time.
Jock. Hout ay, stir, it was gotten lang or I was married, I need na forget the getting, it was na sae easy to me.
Mess John. How long is it since ye was first acquaint?
Jock. Just when she came to be my mither’s lass, I never saw her but ance before, and gin I had never seen her, I had never kend her in sic a fashious fashion.
Mess John. How long was she serving with your mother.
Jock. Just twa hail-yerts: and I got her wi bairn about a year after she came, and its no a year yet since I was married.
Mess John. Dear John there is a contradiction indeed, a woman cannot go two years with child.
Jock. Deed stir, it was then the wean was first gotten.
Mess John. A John, John, I find you out to be a sinful liver, you and that woman has had carnal dealings for some time; it is ill keeping the cow out of the corn, if she once got a way of going to it, ye should actually a married the poor woman, when ye cohabited so long together.
Jock. No stir, we didna cow habit, tho’ she kist me, and I kist her, sometimes in the barn, and sometimes in the byre: nane ken’t o’t but my mither, an’ she wadna let me tak her, but sent me awa to court our Maggy.
His mother cries through the hole o’ the door: A ye senseless sumph, is that a’ the thanks I get for counselling you to do weel, war na me ye wad a been married on a lownlike leepet lazy lump, who had neither wit nor wyles, no say much judgment as wyfe the wind frae her tail but lute it gang afore fouks.
Up gets the elders crying, Fy, fy, Duncan the bell-man drive that wicked wife frae the door she disturbs us all.
Duncan runs to the door whispering, shame fa you for a wife had out o’ that: but I wad rather hear you, as hear them yet.
Mess John. Now John will you be so plain as tell me whether ye promist to marry the woman or no, when ye lay with her.
Jock. Na stir, I didna lie wi’ her, for the herd and me lay in the byre-bed, and she lay in the little lang sadle at the hallen end.
Mess John. It is all one whether ye lay with her or not, when ye have got her with child, that’s what ye confess.
Jock. I kenna whither I got her wi’ bairn or no: but I did wi’ her as I did wi’ our Maggy, when she fell wi’ bairn.
Mess John. But the question is, whether or no, did you promise to marry her when that child was gotten?
Jock. Hut, tut, stir, ye wad fash fouk spiering a’ thing, it was her that promist to marry me for the getting o’t.
Mess John. And did not you do the like to her?
Jock. A what needed I do the like when she and my mither did it a’ but the wean getting, she could na do that.
Mess John. Indeed John you seem to have been a parcel of loose livers altogether.
Jock. A loose stir, I wish I were loose yet, better be loose than bun to an ill stake.
Mess. John. I see it is needless for me to enquire any further into the matter, I find you out guilty, therefore, you must appear publicly on the stool of repentance on Sabbath next, and the two following thereafter, or ye be absolved from the scandal.
Jock. Indeed master minister, am very easy about repentance, and for your stool, its a seat am very indifferent about, for am but bashful, and as I was never guilty o’ getting bystarts, either before or sin syne, except in thoughts, words, deeds and actions, I think ye may een let me pass, I suffered enough wi’ the clash o’ the kintry, and loss o’ my ain wain, it was nae bystart, ye canna gar me stand for that.
Mess John. You appear to be such a stupid fellow, the like of you should neither have lawful child or bastard, and I admire that such an ideot as you, was allowed to be married to any woman; and you James, who is the elder of that proportion, should have given information of this man’s capacity, before he was joined to a wife.[15]
Elder. Indeed sir, ye ken very well, he answered the questions at the examine, better nor any other fouks, and I think he is best married, for he might a gotten mae bystarts and fasht us.
Jock. Indeed stir, it’s very true, for when ance I got the gate o’ women, I cou’d na bide aff them, but our Maggy was unco cunnen, she wad na let me do naething but kiss her and kittle her till ance we was married.
Mess John. I’ll ask no more questions at him: call on his mother, (in she comes,) Goodwife, we have ordered your son to appear three Sabbaths on the stool an’ there to be reproved before the congregation publicly an’ be absolved from the scandal.
Mother. Than the ill thief be in his a—se Mess John, gin e’er he set his hips upon’t, my bairn on your black stool? and wadna’t be a great blunder on the auld black face o’t, to my son to gang on’t before the young laird, who has had twa bystarts and ne’er set a hip on’t yet, and he’s continually riding on the hussies to this day, and them that wadna let him, he rives their duds, and kicks their doups. A dear Mess John, an ye gie gentle fouk a toleration to whore, to fornicate, kiss an’ kuddle a wee, wi’ ilka body they like, I’ll gie you ten marks and gie’t to me and my son too.
Mess John. And what shall we do with these odious persons?
Elders. Indeed, sir, we see not what we can make of them.
Mess. John. Make of them, we’ll exclude them from all church benefit, and lay them under the lesser excommunication.[16]
Mith. Indeed stir, tak your mind o’t as our cat did o’ the haggies, when she sippit it a’, and crap in o’ the bag.
If ye winna christen the wean, ye canna hinder us to cast a cogfu’ o’ water on the face o’t, and ca’t ony thing we like.
So out she goes shooting Jockey before her, so John went and pisht on the auld minister’s widow’s gavel, and there was nae mair about it that day.
HOW JOCKEY AND HIS MOTHER WENT AWAY TO SEE HIS BASTARD CHILD, &c.