Part VI.
Tom being very scant of money at a time when his rent was to pay, and though he was well acquainted with the Butchers in Edinburgh, he tried severals of them, yet none of them would lend him as much, he was known to be such a noted sharper.[66] Tom thinks with himself that he’ll give them all a bite in general who had refused him: So in he comes next day (and all of them had heard of a fine fat calf he had feeding) comes to one of the butchers, and tell’s him he was going to sell the fat calf he had at home. Well says the butcher, and what will you have for it? just five and thirty shillings, says Tom: No, says the butcher, by what I hear of it I’ll give thirty. Na, na, says Tom, you must remember that is not the price of it, but give me twenty shillings just now, and send out your lad the morrow and we’ll perhaps agree about it. Thus Tom went thro’ ten of them in one day, and got twenty shillings from each of them, and kept his speech against the law for whatever they offered him for his calf, he told them to remember that was not to be the price of it, but give me twenty shillings just now, and send out your lad on the morrow morning and perhaps we’ll agree was all that passed. So Tom came home with his ten pound, and pay’d his rent; and early next morning one of the butcher’s sent out his lad to Louthian Tom’s for a calf, and as he was about a mile from the town, went to an ale house door and calls for a bicker of ale, and as he was drinking it, up comes another butcher’s lad on the same errand, he being called by the first to come and drink, which caused another bicker; then come other two on the same errand; again six more, which made out the ten; and every one told he was going to Louthian Tom’s for a calf, which made them think Tom had gathered together all the calves in that country side: So up they comes to Tom’s house and every one called for his calf, and his calf; and Tom had but one calf to serve them all; which he took out and shews them. Now, says he, whoever gives most for it shall have it, or I’ll put it to a roup. What said they, our masters bought it yesterday. Then says Tom, you would be fools to buy it to day for it is heavy to carry and fashious to lead,[67] you must all go home without it; next day Tom got ten summonses, to answer at the instance of the butchers for selling his calf and not delivering it. Tom then goes to Edinburgh, gets the ablest lawyer in town for that purpose, tells him the whole of what past, from first to last. Then said the lawyer, as they cannot prove a bargain, and deny the paying of the money again, if you’ll give me the calf, I’ll bring you off; but remember in law there is no point like that of denial. The calf, says Tom, you’ll not want the calf, and a stone of butter to make it ready with. Then the lawyer goes to the court, where Tom is called upon; his lawyer answers first, who asked the butchers, if they could tell the price of the calf, or prove the bargain? they answered, No; but he ordered us to send out our lads and we would agree about it? Gree about it, said the judges! why, do you come to sue for a bargain and to gree about it; Ay, but, said they, we want twenty shillings a piece from him of money we gave him. Tom is called out, then said the judge, did you borrow twenty shillings of any of these men? Not I my lord, I came indeed asking the loan of money from them, but they would lend me none; and then I came next day beggar-ways, and they were so generous as to give me twenty shillings a piece. But said the judge, were not you to give it back again; I never promised nor never intended at all, my lord; for what is given to the poor is given gratis, and I appeal to this whole court that whatever pence any of you has given to the poor that you look not for any of it back again. Then Tom was freed at the bar, and the butchers lost, and laughed at.
After the court, Tom and the lawyer had a hearty bottle;[68] and at parting the lawyer said, now mind Tom, and send me the calf to-morrow. O yes, says Tom, but you must first send me out forty shillings for it. What, says the lawyer, did not you promise me it and a stone of butter to make it ready with, for gaining your plea? But, says Tom, did you not tell me, that the only point of the law was to deny? and you cannot prove it: So I’ll sell my calf to them that will give most for it; and if you have learned me law, I have learned you roguery to your experience. So take this as a reward for helping me to cheat the butchers: and I think I’m even now with you both. And this was all the lawyer got of Tom.[69]
THE PLOWMAN’S Glory; or, TOM’S SONG.[70]
As I was a walking one morning in the spring,
I heard a young plowman so sweetly to sing,
And as he was singing, these words he did say,
No life is like the plowman’s in the month of May.
The lark in the morning rises from her nest,
And mounts in the air with the dew on her breast,
And with the jolly plowman she’ll whistle and she’ll sing,
And at night she’ll return to her nest back again.
If you walk in the fields any pleasure to find,
You may see what the plowman enjoys in his mind;
There the corn he sows grows and the flowers do spring,
And the plowman’s as happy as a prince or a king.
When his days work is done that he has to do,
Perhaps to some country walk he will go,
There with a sweet lass he will dance and sing,
And at night return with his lass back again.
And as they return from the walk in the town,
When the meadows is mowed and the grass is cut down,
If they chance for to tumble among the green hay,
It’s kiss me now or never the damsel will say.
Then he rises next morning to follow his team,
Like a jolly plowman so neat and so trim;
If he kiss a pretty girl he will make her his wife,
And she loves her jolly plowman as dear as her life.
Come Molly and Dolly let’s away to the wake,
There the plow boys will treat us with beer ale and cake,
And if in coming home they should gain their Ends,
Ne’er fear but they’ll marry us, or make us amends.
There’s Molly and Dolly, Nelly and Sue,
There’s Ralph, John and Willie and young Tommy too;
Each lad takes his lass to the wake or the fair,
Adzooks they look rarely, I vow and declare.
Finis
HISTORY OF JOHN CHEAP THE CHAPMAN.
[A Falkirk edition of this chap-book, printed by T. Johnston in 1798, has been used here. The full title is—‘The History of John Cheap the Chapman: containing above a Hundred Merry Exploits done by him and his fellow Traveller, Drowthy Tam, a sticked Shaver. In three parts.’ It has been usual to suspect that the work is autobiographical to some extent.]
THE HISTORY OF JOHN CHEAP THE CHAPMAN.