INFANT MORTALITY IN MUSIC.
From the Special Article (71 pages) by Mr. HENRY BIRD, Accompanist at the ‘Pops,’ and the St. James’s Ballad Concerts; Organist at St. Mary Abbot’s, Kensington, &c.:
Ballad Concerts.—... A long and arduous experience of this class of entertainment has convinced me of the immense difficulty of prolonging the life of children beyond the second verse of a sentimental ballad. Once the chords in the accompaniment are grouped in threes nothing can save them from the celestial regions. Here we may note the great superiority of Music over the other arts. Literature gives us the grand conception of the Heavenly Twins, but Music presents us with the still grander achievement of the Angelic Triplets....
[The New Volumes also contain Articles on MADAME CLARA BUTT, WHOOPING COUGH, and the Works of F. E. WEATHERLY.]
Baskervilles, Hound of. See DOGS’ HOME.
Bigham, Mr. Justice. See OMAN’S ‘ART OF WAUGH.’
MEN OF LETTERS MANUFACTURED NOT BORN.
From the Special Article (13 pages) by Mr. GUY BOOTHBY:
Bookmaking.—... Towards the close of the Nineteenth Century the literary output was enormously increased by the intervention of labour-saving machinery. Had the phonograph and the type-writer been available in the Elizabethan era I feel convinced that Bacon would have written not only Shakespeare, but the entire literature of the civilised world. A full-sized, full-blooded novel can now be produced in ten days, for although the employment of band-working machines to some extent weakens each section, this weakening can be partially neutralised by careful headbanding. Furthermore, undue and laborious insistence on niceties of expression is largely obviated by the greater rapidity of production now attainable. Style is no longer a fetish, and breaches of grammar or syntax no longer constitute an obstacle in the way of generous public recognition....
[The New Volumes also contain Articles on HOT CAKES, LITERARY AGENTS, and GEORGE MEREDITH.]
Bridge. See Mrs. SARAH BATTLE.
A MANXMAN INDEED!
From the Special Article (61 pages) by the MINX-WOMAN:
Caine, Hall.—... As he stood considerably more than six feet in height, was a fairly trained athlete, and had a countenance of extraordinary impressiveness, if not of commanding beauty—Greek in type with a dash of the Hebrew—we may assume that there had never before appeared on the Manx highroads so majestic-looking a Deemster as he who, on an afternoon in May, left his semi-detached castle with bundle and stick to begin life on the roads that lead to Rome. Shaping his course to the south-west, he soon found himself in the Eternal City. And then his extraordinary adventures began....
[The New Volumes also contain Articles on POPES ON THE STAGE, PUBLISHERS’ READERS, THE HOUSE OF KEYS, and KING EDWARD VII.]
Crawford, the Brothers. See THE LOCKED SAFE.
WHAT DID C. B. FRY?
From the Special Article (31 pages, not out) by Mr. EUSTACE MILES, and Mr. RUDYARD KIPLING.
Cricket.—That something must be done to save the game is certain. Whether we should restrict all first-class cricketers to a plasmon diet, or use a thorough base-ball charged with lyddite is a moot question. Some authorities—including Abel—suggest the substitution of a regulation ’All Caine for the present bat, whilst others are for adding six stumps, six inches apart, and doubling the number of fieldsmen. It has also been suggested that, as the spectator is after all the principal person to be considered, every visitor to the ground should receive a revolver at the turnstile, to be emptied upon the players at his discretion. The apparent folly of employing flannel for the costume of the players seemed to call for legislation on the part of the M.C.C. But the discovery—during a recent inspection of the Jaeger Rifle Club—that flannel is the basic material of hygienic pastime-wear has induced us to modify our hostile verdict. The phrase ‘muddied oafs’ as applied to footballers still stands....
[The New Volumes also contain Articles on PINGPONGITIS, HASKELL BALL, TENNIS TWINS, TRANBY CROFT, DOPING, BRIDGE, and VICTOR TRUMPER.]
RAILWAY REFORM.
From the Special Article by Mr. Yerkes.
Directors.—Nothing can be done in this matter until Directors and Sleepers cease to be, as they now are, interchangeable....
[The New Volumes also contain Articles on THE SEVEN SLEEPERS OF EPHESUS and THE CHISLEHURST TUNNEL.]
A GOOD JUDGE.
From the Special Article (41 pages) by Sir FRANCIS JEUNE.
Divorce.—Marriages are made in Heaven, but are marred in Brighton....
[The New Volumes also contains Articles on HENRY VIII. and CHICAGO.]
OUR LITTLE EDENS.
From the Special Article by ‘AUNTIE EVE,’ and the EDITOR of ‘The Pergola.’
Gardening.—The first requisite of the modern gardener is books. It is necessary to have too many, and as they are published at the rate of three a week, one can easily accomplish this. In buying seeds remember that Buttons’ are the best, and we shall take it kindly if you mention our name when you send your orders. Primroses are best grown from roots. This was the favourite flower of Napoleon at St. Helena. A serviceable evening dress can be made by collecting old lamp shades, stripping them from their wire frames, and joining the pieces. Remember also that in default of regulation celluloid balls for ping-pong, unripe tomatoes form an excellent substitute. The first and last word in successful gardening is the preparation of the soil. No soil is too rich for the dandelion. If your creepers are too rampant remember that they can be checked by the use of Keating, in ordering which please mention this work. An excellent substitute for champagne is obtained by mixing gooseberry juice and sugar with the cheapest form of aerated water, and bottling it in old champagne bottles, which can be obtained from the nearest golf club. A watering-pot is a sine quâ non in good gardening, also a dictionary of quotations and some ridiculous neighbours. With this equipment the modern gardener, in the space of six months or so, ought to be able to fulfil the main object of his calling, and compile a book which will appeal to persons utterly unable to distinguish a pansy from a cauliflower.
[The New Volumes also contain Articles on SLOE GIN, CROQUET, SPADEWORK, and the KAILYARD SCHOOL.]